I was born the incorrect sex. That sounds wrong. – Listen up boys – I’m a boy! JK – but really. I am not very great at being a girl. I’m okay at it. I get excited over some girly things – but my perspective is by no means of a typical female. I would definitely be better at being a dude. I’m a bro at heart. Not in that annoying girl way that’s like “hanging with the boys tonight” or like “I don’t have girl friends because girls are so annoying I hate girls. I’m just friends with guys because they’re way easier to get along with.” Honey, you’re a slut. You’re hanging with the boys because you don’t have girl friends. Girls don’t like you because they either cannot connect with you, they fear you, meaning they fear getting close to you because they don’t trust you, OR – you’ve hooked up with every one of their ex, current & future boyfriends so I would steer clear of you as well. It’s more like, I just don’t want to do girly things. I like manicures, but don’t like spending the time getting them. I have to get them – once a week. Every week, or I basically die. I can’t do my own nails because, ratchet but I don’t like physically going. I get anxiety in large groups of girls. Anything over 5 girls gives me almost enough reason to not do something. Too many females in an intimate setting is difficult. I don’t like weddings. I don’t want to go to another bridal shower in my existence. Sorry girlfriends getting married this year, love you as people, do not like weddings. My mentality is skewed because I have worked in the wedding industry for 10 years, hence the very OVER IT attitude. I celebrate the biggest day of a girl’s life with her and her family every freaking weekend. How special of me. Although I’m an avid shopper, spender and love buying things – I hate the physical act of shopping unless the mood is completely right. Malls – NEVER. Boutique shopping, better. December in a mall is a paranoid, anxiety ridden, panic attack Ashley. No thank you. I don’t enjoy shopping with girls because I’d rather not. I don’t like waiting, I don’t enjoy browsing. I pre-browse online before I enter a store because I have no patience. Now that the #negative tangent I just went on is over, back to whatever I was meaning to talk about. I’m by no means selfless in the sense that I can spend time doing something that I do not enjoy doing with another person. Arrest me.
I may completely refute my own statements throughout the rest of this blog. Males are far less complex than females. I have a male perspective or outlook with female tendencies? I think I’m a complex human being but maybe I want to be simpler? Maybe I can dissect a male’s thought process? I’m not sure where this is going – I will probably offend somebody in some regard so BYE! After having friendships with men and women over the past 25 years, I’ve realized that I have many more similarities with the male species. Sure, I have a bunch of girl friends & besties that I totally GET and they totally GET me. That’s lucky. I’m able to connect with people because of my direct honesty. I don’t exactly connect well with men – JUST ASK THEM! But this isn’t about the connection – it’s about the personality type or the style of living.
Ask me anything about your guy. I’ll tell you exactly what he’s thinking because it’s exactly what I’m thinking. You’re annoying. You’re trying too hard. Or maybe you’re not really trying, period. In that case, get to the gym. Or stop talking. I may not agree with your guy or his perspective, but I get it. I understand why he’s doing something. Why he can’t commit? And it isn’t always about YOU.
Men are complex enough in their own thought process. As always, my opinions are opinions backed by no scientific proof and hardly any real proof – just my own spectacular mind. I see his side of the story just much as I see a female’s. However – females overreact. I overreact. After I listened to a woman I know being very concerned about an email she received from a co-worker, trying to figure out if he was upset or mad or what she should say back or if that was the right thing to say – we stopped conversing. Looked at each other and realized one simple fact. He was not thinking about her email in the same way at all. He was on with the rest of his day. He does not care if her witty response was correct or incorrect. He wrote back, “Ok. Thanks.” He was done. Sitting here dissecting a text message or an email from a man in a personal or a work setting, is dumb. If they do care, they solve it. By writing back whatever they want or think and it’s over from there. If a guy makes a big deal about something – it’s going to be a big deal. Because they don’t. They just don’t. They don’t make a big deal over every little detail in their lives like many females do. I do this. I guess that’s why I’m a girl.
“Stop making a big deal out of the little things. Cause I got big deals and I got little things.” – my girl, Bey. I’m working on it, gf —
Today I sold a girl and her fiancee & family a wedding. After looking at 27 venues, she told me that I was one of the main reasons why they booked our venue. She said as soon as she met me she knew she could trust me, that she could relate to me, and that I was “normal.” I wasn’t fake or phony & didn’t try to “sell them” on anything. I’m honest. On one hand I almost slapped her in the fucking mouth for calling me “normal.” On the other hand, I kind of get what she meant. I use that term as well – I call people “normal” when I can relate to them or feel a connection with them because I feel safe or feel at ease when I’m around them. That’s normal to me because it’s a good feeling. Maybe I am relatable to females. Maybe I’m just fine at being a girl.
Maybe I do LOVE weddings. HAHA. Until then, I’ll remain the he-she over here feeling girl feelings but just pretending like I’m living life like a guy. Whatever that means.
Sorry for the rude awakening, girl.
I fucking love chocolate milk. Drinking Nesquik right now, it rules.