Beauty is in the Eye of the Tinder Account Holder

“I learned that to live in the moment, you need a concrete heart. I learned that falling asleep next to a new person requires Ambien. That you will be judged by your morning music. That if you make breakfast, you are considered charming.” — Dina Nayeri, on being in a new relationship…

Much to my dismay, I’m going to admit to have downloaded Tinder. The dating app that’s apparently a glorified forum for people to hook up? I’ve heard the stories. And the nightmares. I’m over it, already – not my style.


It’s a story of gains and losses. Gains: I’ve gained a bunch of Instagram followers (I’m kidding, like 7) and I feel so flattered by all of the men boys  guys? creeps on there that think I’m good looking….COOOOOOOOOL. Can’t take it seriously, I just can’t. I’ve perused through the app about a dozen or so times and have had quite a few hysterical conversations with people. I wouldn’t even count them as conversations – more like I’ve received a bunch of hysterical comments from people. I want to upload them, but maybe inapprop’s. I should also be a little bit private, right?

I don’t really get the hype. I mean the concept is great for people who are in that state of mind – looking for a quick booty-call if you’re too lazy to actually go out and meet somebody. Or you don’t have any friends who are willing to introduce you to their friends as potential dates. Who am I kidding — it’s fucking funny. I basically use Tinder as an ego-boost or if I’m feeling less than 100% confident – or sad, or over it. Gives you somebody to talk to at basically any time of day that you’re bored.

This video kills.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. WTF does that even mean? If you have pretty eyes, you’re basically in there like swimwear? Great job for you if you can see the beauty in a person? OK. Beauty is what you make of it? Beautiful things are completely subjective and everybody has a different definition of what that is?

Bingo. Which is why Tinder is maybe a great way for people who are totally not connected to get in touch with each other just based on if they like the way the other person looks? Or more so, the way they present themselves in the 7 photos they can upload onto the app? Because even if I think you’re a really good looking person, this does not mean that I would ever want to have a conversation with you. But you swiped “right” on my photo as well, so now we can chat.

I mean, I guess it’s not much different than any other form of social media used as a dating platform – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We all post photos of ourselves, our friends, our lives – it’s all out there. This is just a slightly more creepy and barbaric way to express interest in a particular person in a mildly private manner. Unless I see a photo of a person that I know and take a screenshot and send it to my besties wondering WHY this person is on Tinder? Or OMG look! This person is on Tinder too! Or… when you give a person that you know a courtesy swipe to the right meaning you’re interested JUST TO SEE if they swiped you right as well – AND THEY DID. How awkward. And then they talk to you as if you both don’t know that you could easily text message one another because you probably have each other’s phone #’s from back in the 7th grade.

No need to fear for my life over here, people. No need. I’m just fine. I haven’t gone crazier than originally anticipated. My Tinder career is short-lived. Loss: Especially after some creep approached me at a bar last week saying he’s been watching me for the past 2 hours because he definitely knows me from Tinder. Then proceeded to tell me things about myself that he knows from obviously freakin’ stalking me.

Thanks pal – I’m good over here. By myself. Talk to ya later never.

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