“the most dangerous lies are the lies you tell yourself.”

Deep, Ash. Real deep. Today I told a friend a completely incorrect story about my life because I didn’t want to admit to the real way that things happened.

Why do I do this? Why did I lie? I wanted to tell the story. I wanted to tell it in my own convoluted way though, that made me look/feel so much better than the real story did. I wanted to feel better about admitting what had happened while still making myself look really good. Or at least, better…

I hope this is something that you all do, so I don’t sound like a total psychopath telling false stories. I think we all must do this. It’s human nature? It’s not like a harmful false story. And it’s honestly not like anybody would even remotely be harmed by the fallacies of the story. But still – why did I have to lie? To create dramatic effect? The story was kind of boring without the fabrication?  Like “OMG he was texting me all night it was soooooo weird.” When in reality, I texted him first and actually continued on with the conversation even though it may have been annoying that I was looking at my phone the entire evening. Same story, KIND OF. Mostly different because I portrayed him to be the annoying texter and myself as the victim. Victim is harsh – lol but you get it.  Nothing to talk about… I just basically made it something to talk about.

What it comes down to is that I’ve got to stop lying to myself. I’ve got to be OKAY with the way I behave and the actual story at hand. Why make something out to be what it isn’t? Just be honest. Or how about this? Don’t say anything at all. The “story” did not need to be shared – I went out of my way to share it. Just to tell it – maybe I wanted a reaction? Maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and start dealing with myself instead of hiding from the truths of every day. Come back to reality. On that note, I’m going to sit over here and have my cake & eat it too.


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