saying “Yes” versus the art of saying “NO”

Giving an explanation is NOT NECESSARY.

You do not have to tell anybody anything. If you’re unable to do something, what’s the problem with just plain “No.” ????

We all have to rush to the conclusion that we need to give a reason. No reason needed. No fucks given.

Maybe you feel it’s courteous, but just don’t. If somebody asks you specifically why you’re saying no, or why you cannot participate or why you’re behaving in a specific manner, and you actually WANT to tell them, that’s a different story. That’s also NEVER the story. It’s always like – I can’t do something and I don’t exactly wish to discuss why but people are always asking me why and/or I feel like I need to discuss why (even if the person I’m talking to does not give a fuck). If you want to spill, that’s your own business and go right ahead and over-share your personal life. Go right ahead. Excuse me while I don’t listen and have to think of some stupid thing to say back to you as I continue to pretend to care and/or not have a clue what you’re talking about because you’re probably making something up. #bogus

You owe the world no details of your personal life. So shhhhhh!!! Don’t feel obligated to share. It is 100% satisfactory & A-OK to say “No” and that’s the end of the conversation.

Person Asking Question: Can you do me a favor and pick me up/stay at work 3 hours later than anticipated/stop being a betch/be my valentine tomorrow?
Wrong Answer Example #1:  No, I can’t because I have to pick my dog up from the groomer at 5PM, I have tentative dinner plans with this guy I met on Tinder at 7PM & I’m likely going to spend the night by myself watching GIRLS & drinking a bottle of wine.
Wrong Answer Example #2: I’m sooooooooo sorry. Can’t! I have a paper due tomorrow and I haven’t started it yet – it’s on the Cold War and I don’t even know how people could be cold in a war that was fought in the warmth. Wait… maybe it was in the cold? Was it in the north? I’m so confused —better start reading but sorry! Hope you find someone or something!
Person A: (Ummmmm….? WTF.)
Wrong Answer Example #3: Yes, I would fucking LOVE to.

Correct Answer: No.

Simple. It’s over. No explanation needed. If they beg, that’s funny. Let them beg. And you already win. So forget the guilt and go with a good old, clear & concise “No.”

“No need to shout, betch!”

beyonce

d’Orsay Flats

d'Orsay Flats

Adore. Chic. Perfect. Flats. The d’Orsay is a shoe style where the vamp of the shoe is cut away very close to the toe box, and the sides are cut away revealing the arch of the foot. These are often times made as pumps but as flats are just as versatile and give a “borrowed from the boys” look. Just picked up the Chinese Laundry “Easy Does It” d’Orsay flats which you can see after the jump. Many other majeee styles that are favorites are shown in the photo collage – personal favorites Manolo & Joie.

Leather Baseball Cap

I know you’ve all heard the saying – you find something as soon as you stop looking for it.

Usually this is in reference to love – which is still sort of relevant – but also bogus. Of course the reason why I’m using that phase is not in reference to love, but in reference to something that I do love – fashion. Or something like that.

I have an obsessive compulsive personality where, once I have something in my head, I do not stop until I find it, get it, have it, possess it. It’s almost sick but I’ve gotten it under control. A few months back I found a photo of a drop dead gorgeous girl <–(dramatic) probably on Tumblr with a leather baseball cap. In that very moment – I died.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kidding, I’m still here. I came back to life since I’m overly obsessed with baseball cap styles & flat brim’s more specifically. WHERE could I find this hat? I didn’t want to spend $465 on this Gucci one, being that it’s not for everyday use & that it’s RIDICULOUSLY expensive for a fucking baseball hat. I also didn’t want something from a flea market that cost $2.99 and would fall apart after 2-3 wears (or look cheap, AH!). Whatever – totally forgot about the hat. Became obsessed with probably a million other things since then and never thought about said hat and no hopes of thinking of it ever again. (Similar to relationships).

LF Stores Sale is happening right now. My interest obsession with LF Stores started a few years back when one of my college roomies, Kaitlin began working for their store in Boston, MA. I had been to the Southampton, NY location a few times and would basically swoon over their casual, hippie-esque, vintage style. After following a few of the super-trendy & beautiful LF Southampton girls on Instagram, I would always go in and try on new styles to find ways to work them into my pretty standard work wardrobe. ie. How to make a vintage tshirt or a polka dot crop top, or a black backless top “work appropriate?” Answer: they’re really not. But somehow I managed to.

Weird tangent again, sorry. INSERT BLACK LEATHER BASEBALL CAP! Found this hat on sale at LF for like $27.80! Stopped looking for it & it fell right into my lap at an amazing price point. Done & done.

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*driving in car selfies*
**actually – parked in car selfies**

Chic leather cap. Came back into my life when I wasn’t looking for it! I hope something that you’ve once coveted and have completely forgotten about comes into your life today. And then you OWN IT. Happy finding, whatever it may be! xx

Flawed Individual

I’m aware of my flaws. I work on what I want to and especially what I do not want to.

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“It will take time, Ashley,” that’s what everyone always tells me. Thanks, people. Thanks. I want to feel better right now though. Instant gratification is where we are at this point. In the world. In our lives – it’s where I am, anyway. The old saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” is an OLD saying for a fucking reason. It’s old. That’s a shitty concept and an even shittier way to look at life. I can guarantee that you do not know anybody who sits around doing nothing and who is getting fucking rewarded for it. Don’t even tell me Kim Kardashian as a response because you don’t fucking know her. And she’s doing it way better than you are. Don’t be mad because you’re jealous either. If you’re jealous, do something. Make yourself known – do something crazy.

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Do something crazy.

Or real. By crazy, I mean monumental – I hope it’s a positive crazy. Change your life and don’t slack off while doing so because that’s just atrocious and poor planning. If you fail, which you’re going to – get up betch! Cry a little if you need to. Show up again. Show up after a spa day looking refreshed and do it better. Remember that nobody is waiting for YOU. You are waiting for them to accept you. So go with it and let yourself be accepted however they’re willing to accept you. Judgement is real and there is no escaping it. Let them have you. Exactly how you are. And grow. And they’ll accept you again, for exactly who you become.

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At the least – I’m talking ultimate minimum, they’re going to talk shit about you. This is real talk. I can only imagine the extent to which I’m spoken about. LMAO. Because I think of the way I speak of others or how I think of basic’s and OUCH. I also push boundaries often because I do not care. And I get my own pleasure out of thinking it’s funny. Laugh about it why don’t ya? Laughing is good for the soul. Stay cheerful. Hold on to all things positive. Release all things negative.

Timing is not always on your side. Maintaining my health and having everything in check is a main priority of mine at the moment and for always. Also a major struggle. It’s getting better every day, better than I was yesterday. And tomorrow will be even better than today. This is one way that I’m learning to cope with time. Time can heal all. And protein can heal all blood sugar spikes… yeah, I’m working’ on it. Apparently, it all takes time…

#thedailyword

Valentine’s Week Encouragement

Encouragement. This week leads up to Valentine’s Day on February 14th! ❤  A fabulous, happy & thoughtful way for me to care about myself just a little bit more, if that’s possible. & for you to do the same.

No date on VDAY? Have a date on VDAY that you maybe don’t want? Have a date that you actually love (lol) but don’t want to do the typical dinner & a movie? (This is a reach, but I felt like I had to include it so to not disclude the lovebirds that I can somewhat stand). Are you already starting to vomit in your mouth from all of the Instagram pics your friends are going to upload of their roses from their AMAZING!!!!! boyfriends?! Are you already overjoyed by the really sweet dark chocolate dipped strawberries your friend made for her loving & loyal boyfriend? That you secretly wish she fucking made for you so you could be eating them?! I KNOW, right?

So stop thinking that & go do something for yourself & the people around you that you really LOVE. Your besties! Do something fun – fall in love with yogurt! Also, don’t check Instagram all day on Friday, OK?!

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Spoil yourself! And your friends by making some delicious cupcakes! Who doesn’t LOVE cupcakes? I mean…. if you don’t love cupcakes, we can’t be friends. Oh, and cookies. & chocolate. Sweet tooth ALERT! Go to a local chocolatier & pick up some above-average chocolates & candies that are just far more meaningful than Russel Stover’s heart-shaped boxes that are lining the aisles of CVS’s & Rite Aid’s since the day after Christmas. Favorites: Bon Bon’s Chocolatier in Huntington, NY; Love Lane Sweet Shoppe in Mattituck, NY; Lazar’s in Roslyn, NY; Sayville Chocolatier in Sayville, NY.  Chocolate shoppes make me smile on the inside and make me fat on the outside– Oops! Some creative, sweet treats below. I LOVE the dagger – how classic!

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I guess make these cookies ^ say adorable/sweet things if you want. Or at least funny, instead of cynical (my preferred).

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Maybe plan a fun evening of games with friends – grab a couple bottles of wine, a funny movie & your favorite snacks and  stay in! Or cook! Making pizza is a fabulous VDay idea – great comfort food and it’s super easy! Grab dough from a local pizzeria, can of sauce (add garlic, parsley, onion, oregano) whatever you want really, mozzarella & parmesan cheese, whatever toppings, place on pizza stone (in the shape of a heart if you must!), & finally bake in the oven! Hundreds of recipes here. Healthy version of DIY pizza on Alix’s blog!

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Go out to a bar with your friends – there are plenty of other people (singles or not) that will realize it’s any old Friday night and that’s a real enough reason to celebrate! Be sure to avoid restaurant/bar’s and specifically nice restaurants as they will be SWARMING with couples that will make you want to vomit on the spot. Townie bars may also give you potentially undiscovered STD’s, so beware of that as well.

Get active! Don’t want to spend your Friday evening gorging on food or cocktails? Hit the gym earlier in the day so you don’t feel as bad about it — OR — head to Air Trampoline Sports. They’re open late on Friday’s & Saturday’s – would def be a fun thing to do on a Monday or Tuesday night in my opinion BUT definitely enjoyable with a few friends nonetheless.

Want to go out and meet people? Are you itching to go on a date? Or a sort-of date where you really get to hang out with your own best friends? Consider joining & going on a Grouper! The concept is amazing — friends (guy groups & girl groups) that I know have said it’s been a blast. Have yet to try and will post about it when I do.

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Awesome Valentine’s Day gifts from DailyCandy. Get me some of these and I would maybe actually BE your Valentine. JK.

& of course the Catbird heart ring.

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I’m going to leave you with these less than “sweet” Sweethearts. I know it’s bad – I can’t help it.

#pukeface #mistake #dogface #turdeatr

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LOVE YOU! ME

Blues

Sneaker obsession is in effect, yet again. More like footwear obsession. Shopping obsession? Nailed it.

A few weeks ago I posted about SoulCycle‘s holiday party and how it was full of laughs, wine, cupcakes & one of my personal favorites- sneakers!! It took place at Converse in Soho and we designed our very own Chuck’s. The concept is simple, which I love. This really got me thinking about throwbacks. Just in time for #TBT.

Who remembers how cool it was to write on your Converse’s when you were in middle school/early high school? I’m using the term cool loosely, but you guys get it. A little #TBT action for ya.

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Those are pretty epic rainbow Cons – just sayin’. A friend of mine makes custom painted Converse that are siccckkkkk, check out her website… Rachael Nimon.

Keeping the creativity flowing, I customized my bright blue high top Converse with the SoulCycle wheel & feathers. Totally not my style and very bright! Bringing me back to my colorful roots instead of my typical black, black, black. Being that they were a gift, I didn’t want to go with something basic – because although neutrals are my bread & butter – they’re BASIC. Which I am not. Welcome to my far-from-basic Converse sneakers.

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fly free – great life motto. Feathers went well with it – I don’t even really like feathers. Or birds, they freak me out. Byrd/bird/feather/fly/free. & FYI decorating your chucks are still cool even if you’re not a punk rocker or emo kid.

More snarky posts to come – I mean, Valentine’s Day is coming up and all.

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xo.

Men’s Closet Overhaul

Some men really know how to dress themselves. Bravo. Other guys still have their Mommies pick out and match their clothes every morning for work. This is problematic. This is where you step in with a quick & easy lesson for this idiot boyfriend of yours.

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Presentation is key because unless you’re blind, everybody can see you. It’s what gets noticed about you first, before you open your stupid mouth. Maybe people will see your smile first if you have a beautiful one. That’s only if you’re lucky. And I actually really love flannels — sorry ’bout yours, Al. 

So you’re really sick of what your man wears – like he’s still wearing jeans with a “loop” on them – those are called cargo jeans and they went out with JNCO & lee pipes in fucking 1996 with your sports team logo Starter jacket. LOSE IT. 

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OK, OK. Dramatic but whatever. There are some very fine ebay retailers selling some mint condition vintage JNCO’s if you’re looking for a Halloween 2014 costume of a 15 year #TBT. You’re welcome for the creative Halloween idea. 

I can’t believe I uploaded that photo – whatever it’s on the verge of vintage so I’m gonna leave it. Here’s the transformation piece. Vintage Fashion like this, is here to stay. Versace. Colored Denim. How could you NOT?! 

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To get your man to dress differently, you must get him to care. A little. Some dudes care and they totally get it. It’s likely they had a really cool mother or parents who cared about presentation and making sure their male child knew what’s good. Sometimes it’s learned behavior – sometimes its inherent. Some men need such immediate help. 

So when you take your man shopping for new jeans there are a few things to remember: 

Make sure know what you’re looking for. Fit is extremely important and you always want jeans that are fitted. Buy one size down because within the first few wears, jeans will stretch majorly. Then they’ll look baggy & way too big. So buy the smaller size if you’re on the fence. To make your guy fall in love with these jeans, just as he fell in love with his last pair of jeans that you now hate – he’s gotta get used the them. Have him wear them for 72 hours straight – like an entire weekend – even sleeping in them is fine – that is, if you wear clothes to sleep. At first, he’s going to be hesitant of his new tight-fitting jeans. After the weekend, he’s not going to want to take them off. Trust. Tailored clothing is the way to go – clothes that don’t fit are worse than no clothes at all. Moderately debatable. And DO NOT WASH those jeans yet! Not yet, either. The longer you wait, the better fade you’re going to get. But like, don’t be disgusting – if they’re dirty, please maintain proper hygiene. To get any beer smells or other random scents out of the jeans, hang them up after each use so they can air out – it helps. Also, always wear dark wash jeans. Maybe a crisp medium to dark, but NEVER EVER light wash jeans, just don’t do it. Or jeans with logos because besides the fact that they’re disgusting, there’s also this: 

“Whenever I see a guy wearing jeans with embroidered stuff all over them, I always think his dick is the size of a baby carrot. Really. Just realize less is more.”—Eva Amurri, actress

Few other things to think about: Try to balance a strong color with a neutral palette. Fitted hoodies look great with leather jackets. Soft vintage inspired t shirts are amazing with jeans. Henley’s are adorable because they’re casual yet polished. Aviator or wayfarer style sunglasses are classic and always perfect. Cardigans (if he’ll wear them)!!!!!!! 2 Basic Shoes a dude should always have: 1. Chic, versatile sneaker (not trainers like Jordan’s or Nike’s). 2. Stylish pair of oxfords. These are a great foundation for the wardrobe. 

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He just…does. it. well. 

Stores to hit with your man: Rothman’s NY, higher end but gorgeous men’s apparel and they make custom for all of those men who are in between sizes. You can’t really go wrong with Burberry for men – polished, clean lines, chic. Chic is a difficult word for men to embrace so only if you’re lucky. Huge fan of JCrew for dudes. Most of it. Now the waspy stuff. If you’re looking for waspy go to Vineyard Vines. And take cover if you’re planning on talking to me – kidding I love their ties. & their plaid – so GOOD. If you’re looking for great brands and you’re budgeting, Nordstrom Rack, even H&M & Uniqlo have great basics. Get him great basics even if you have to spend a little more on them. TOPMAN is good. Zara Men is also great. Just DON’T tell him names of stores because guys get weird about that stuff. You just need to pre-shop online – AKA know what they have and don’t waste his time dragging him all over looking for something that none of these stores have. Pull things in his size and pair them together and make him try outfits – not random pieces – outfits ALWAYS look better betch. 

That’s all I do. Make him commit to taking the time to try. I did it for this guy I used to date. Totally changed his style — he dresses amazing better now. Used to wear gross button-downs from Kohl’s. LOL I’ve done this time & time again so if you think I’m talking about you – you still need more help. I’ve made immense progress in the style & dress of men. I have to say that there are a bunch of better dressed men in this world because of me. You’re welcome future chicks that date my exes, you’re welcome for everything. If that’s all I’ve accomplished with them, that’s the biggest lie I’ve said today. But at least it’s a push in a positive direction. (Sidenote: I’ve also dated a guy that dressed like Macklemore and I’m not fucking kidding around. The song Thrift Shop was actually written about him – purple velour blazers & all with mismatched ties & strange pants that were ill-fitting. Oh and fur). ***Trying so hard to erase those memories from my brain.*** But I can’t stop laughing about it so I’ll just never stop. To each his own. 

One last thing – you can NEVER go wrong with black. Only if he has dandruff which means you have bigger problems & I’ll have to post a blog about men’s grooming habits and hygiene which would be weird but entertaining in the same breath. Black never fails & if you think it does, stop dating people who shed skin from their head because I’m vomiting as I type.

Hope this post aids in the objective of creating a better dressed male population. Get to work, betches.