Small Talk (haha) #LOL #LMAO how are you? #IDGAF

Small talk. No time for it.

Saying “hi.” Over it. I actually kind of hate this. How awful does this make me sound? Let me rephrase – I only hate it sometimes

I don’t get how or why people think that small talk is a way to get to know other people? OR that it is fun. Am I missing out on the big picture here? Should I be sucking up to people who I don’t even know? Should I be TRYING with every bit of everything I have?! If I already know you… and we aren’t really friends… but we’re acquaintanced (not real word, but I want it to be one) enough to feel the need to say hi to one another, but really have nothing to say besides hi or how are you? and nothing else…. WHY DO WE FUCKING SAY HI????????? WHY??????? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT.<run on, long-winded sentence, sorry ’bout it>.

Is it to be polite? To be nice? To go out of our way’s to act like we care? Just so I can say that I “saw” this person and spoke to them uncaringly (also not a word) for less than 14 seconds in passing and asked them how they were, they said good how are you and I responded back with “great.” I always respond with a “great” because I don’t really enjoy describing myself as good. I’ll describe pants as good. I’ll describe a cheeseburger as good. I’ll describe some pieces of clothing as “so. GOOD.” – this has total different meaning. As in, this is so fucking good that it doesn’t even need to have a better word to describe it because everyone should just KNOW how good it actually is. But for myself – even if I’m being super minimal with conversing because I don’t want to speak a word to you – like you’re a weird stranger trying to talk to me but you have a blowout and you also have acne and you get your eyebrows done and they’re THINNER than the girls who have thin eyebrows?! – I’ll even tell those types of people that I’m “great.” With no follow up question asking how they are, because I obviously do not care. “Great” just presents well.

But for those other people who I should potentially care to mention or converse with – I’ll definitely try to say “great” at the absolute minimum. And try my best to elaborate. I’m severely guilty of this. I have the awkward conversation that nobody really wants to have with people. So, it goes like this… “OMG HI! how are you? What have you been up to? How’s your family? And your boyfriend? Oh, you aren’t with him anymore?! SHOCKING. (I already knew this from Facebook, OBVIOUSLY!!!! because so does everybody else but I’m going to act so surprised and pretend like I don’t go on Facebook every morning…). But I’ll humor myself and continue this awful conversation and answer your dumb ass questions. Because I’m really nice polite.

Probably the WORST way this conversation goes is when I am ACTUALLY INTERESTED – like I for ONCE, actually give a shit. I’m intrigued by this person because I do like them (or once did) or I’m interested in what they have to say – and then they blabber a little bit because they’re hammered and then they ask about me and I say something back and ask them a question and they just laugh or walk away or don’t respond because they’re stupid or hammered or distracted because we’re out at a bar running into each other because I don’t run in to you to begin with because we aren’t friends, remember?! UGH. Life is weird.

“How are you?” It is a question that people are too busy to really want to listen to. Like If I were to reply “Not so well.” The person isn’t really expecting to sit there and want to listen to my problem. Therefore, it just annoys me that it is a dumb question to begin with.

I’ve started to NOT actually say hi to these types of people occasionally – I’m immediately bitchier than I already was. It’s just the nature of the beast – do what you want, get immediately judged.

One of the most rewarding things about leaving teenagehood behind  is not only the confidence to say “I don’t like that,” but the balls to decide I WON’T DO THAT! I hate saying “hi” (I was incredibly relieved today when an elementary school classmate did not recognize me in my winter scarf & hat, thus skirting the awkward hello’s), along with returning snap chats, cleaning out my overly messy car, responding to stupid emails & to texts that I have no interest in, pretending to love health food, cleaning up after myself. Finally I’m confident enough to say no, I won’t do these major ass paining things. 

Sometimes, to the complete opposite…. I go WAY TOO FAR out of my way. To make myself feel fan-fucking-tastic. To make the other person feel so uncomfortably awkward because I think it’s fucking hysterical.

Like I’ll make it an awkward point to go up to my ex-boyfriend’s EX & NEW girlfriend’s and introduce myself. Different occasions, obviously. Because for some delusional reason, I think it’s funny. Funny or not, it’s stupid. Completely pointless because IDactuallyGAF. I’m already avoiding conversation with the rest of the weirdos that are trying to buy me shots – which I may accept depending on which girlfriends I’m with – or may avoid and run for the restroom. Somehow it brings me some great feeling of joy to get under other people’s skin. Ha.

A friend of mine gave me a fantastic fragment of advice the other day. I need constant reminders to be an outwardly nice person because I tend to forget – sorry. It’s okay.

She started out by saying something like this… Answer questions with open-ended responses. When somebody asks you where you’re from, you can either answer it like you want to…. “Long Island.” OR you can answer it in a different, thought provoking way, where you don’t really change what you’ve said, but more so you change how you present it. “I grew up on the South Shore of Long Island, I’ve traveled a lot for work and now really like western Long Island, although I’d love to move to Manhattan. Where are you from? Are you familiar with Long Island?” Much different. Much better. Intriguing, thought-provoking answer to a boring question. Instead of a closed response that I wanted to answer with. Food for thought.

I have social anxiety sometimes so I’m happy if I get by with just a “hi” to these people IDGAF about. But if they continue with “how are you” it mildly kills me. OMG, don’t you have anything more exciting or interesting to say to me?! I can probably talk to you about some random things that are going on in my life that are somewhat cool or interesting. Or at least, funny awkward stories about my morning! THAT – or I do something even more awkward like start dancing and get the surrounding people to feel super uncomfortable because I’m having SO MUCH FUN! and won’t get out of your face. Or drop my entire Ketel & club with limes on your foot. Yup.

So if this post did it’s job effectively, nobody will even chance coming up to me the next time they see me out and I won’t have to say hi to anybody or grace them with my awkward string of questions. I’m also going to work on my 20 second elevator speech and let you guys know how that goes…


2 thoughts on “Small Talk (haha) #LOL #LMAO how are you? #IDGAF

  1. Worst scenario is at a bar. Screaming over music, speaking with a guy that knows you becuase you dated some guy a long time ago he was friends with and he remembers and insignificant time you drove them both somewhere that you really don’t remember or even remember his face. and then. you just say..I don’t know you, I don’t remember you and really..I hope you’re doing well but I’m gonna go wayy over there while you stay right here. #betch

  2. Worst scenario is at a bar. Screaming over music, speaking with a guy that knows you because you dated some guy a long time ago that he was friends with and he remembers aninsignificant time you drove them both somewhere that you really don’t remember going and don’t even remember his face. and then. you just say..I don’t know you, I don’t remember you and really..I hope you’re doing well but I’m gonna go wayy over there while you stay right here. #betch

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