Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes – Insight about Love

Blog Written by: Anonymous /// Blog Edited by: Me, obviously…

These days friendship and love are as long lasting as a piece of Juicy Fruit (best flavor, yet worst gum ever).  With a swipe to the left we can remove people, things, pictures, and memories.  Where do these friendships really exist though? With life moving so fast, technology moves even faster. We forget the morals. The good stuff in life. The moments that should be cherished are Instagrammed (made that word up – look for it in Webster’s in like 6-8 weeks) #selfie. But really.  Even just today I came to a very serious decision regarding a somewhat unhealthy situation that was eating me alive while benefiting the other party. I decided I didn’t want that anymore – so within a few exchanges of text message the situation was over. Again. We were no longer fuck buddies. So that’s cool. But really -over text, why?! Well because I would have had to deal with the feelings eating me up inside for a whole week until he decided that he wanted to see me naked again. And by that time I would have somewhat dulled the feelings I am having now-and would certainly partake in the activity that leaves me feeling exactly the way I’m feeling right now-DUMB. Stupid. Hiding my feelings. Of no value. Unloved. Used. Hopeful.

Hopeful that I would be able to cross all previous feelings away & let go in to this to be happy and in love because we fit so well together.

I’m realizing that there are things you can compromise in relationships-of any kind. But the promises we make to ourselves are the most important. Breaking those promises is just — flat out, fucking stupid. I promised myself a long time ago that I never wanted to feel that way again and if something or someone made me feel that way…I would text them and tell them “I’ll ttyl, k. cuz like I like u and I don’t wanna lol”.  And really. I didn’t want to text that at 11:40 AM on the 3rd Sunday in March. But I did. How do I feel about it?

I feel. Sad at first. But his answer-made me feel happy. Clarity from the nothingness of what this has been for so long. I was the one keeping myself there…its not that he ever let me go…he never had me. I wanted him to have me though. That’s the problem in life. People always want what they don’t have. Can’t have. Won’t have. We spend our whole lives trying to be better. Get better. Live better. This is all great – in fact if we didn’t try to be better life would suck capital D. But-maybe we need to also appreciate what’s standing in front of us once in a while.  And appreciate it for what it is.  I sometimes think we try to make situations and relationships into something that they aren’t. And then we build this little “house of hope” on top of this situation and lock ourselves inside, crying & stalking Instagram. Or maybe, we open up all the doors and windows and clean house for Spring. 

middle finger

 Somebody sent me this awhile ago to post – I’ve held on to it up until this very moment because – it is so relevant to my life today. Staying in today. Looking forward to Spring Cleaning. xox

Blog Written by: Anonymous /// Blog Edited by: Me, obviously…

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