Pee Pee Etiquette

You suck.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Sitting versus squatting.

Unless I’m in an extremely disgusting place where the majority of people have already been squatting, I’m definitely a sitter. Or a hover-er that is almost about to be sitting, like…I’m grazing.

Squatters make a huge mess! And do not clean up after themselves and it really grosses me out and I’m taking a stand against it right now. Ladies, if you’re going to the restroom and you decide that the skin on your ass is just far too good to be contaminated with the potential germs that it may receive if you place it on a seat for less than 30 seconds, then you’re FUCKING dumb.

You’re gaining many more contaminating agents on your hands when you open the bathroom door on the way out then your ass will if you expose it to a seat. Your hands go near your face, your hands go near your mouth, nose, eyes, etc. Your ass stays put – especially the outside cheeks of your ass that may hit or graze the seat.

Unlike a guy, who may have bad aim or miss or get a dribble of pee on the seat… you’re literally getting pee all over the seat. And everywhere. Probably on yourself. On your clothing. It’s grossing me out just thinking about it. If you were seated properly, (think potty training circa age 2-3?) your ass is on the seat and your pee goes into the toilet water, as it should. There’s no pee left on the seat when you leave – right? I hope. The person that uses the facility after you should not have to open up the bathroom stall with a look of disgust or make the bathroom attendant clean up your leftover urine. Or worse, the most annoying thing to meCONTINUING THE PROCESS.

So – now there’s pee all over this seat…now I’m definitely not going to sit my ass on this wet pee-pee toilet seat, so thanks ya idiot! Now I have to squat like you did, continuing the process, getting more pee all over the seat and probably on my jeans because I either have terrible aim or I’m notably drunk. So really, thanks. Thanks a lot squatters. You just ruined the day of the sitters because you’re a weird germaphobe who shouldn’t be peeing in public restrooms to begin with. OR – howabout this?! If you are a squatter and you end up sprinkling on the seat – why don’t you wipe it off when you are finished? That would only be a normal thing to do – because you’re probably the only person who’s going to pee in this public restroom on this day, right?! WRONG betch. Wrong. Be clean or don’t pee in public.

“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie & wipe the seatie.” – embroidered sign in my Grandmother’s bathroom that I loathed while growing up.

Now, I understand why. I get it. Thanks, Nan. I hated this sign because this really shouldn’t apply to homes. But definitely public places, bars, restaurants, anywhere!!! Obviously – clean up after yourself or sit your ass down.

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