Bad Form: On Conversation

“Weather and remember when’s… are the worst form of conversation.” – not sure where I heard this, it’s a combination of Tony Soprano & my Dad but it’s a phrase that’s stuck with me.

5. Traffic


UGH, can you believe that traffic?! I can’t believe that traffic. Traffic, traffic, traffic. GUYS! – we LIVE in NEW YORK. Worse, on Long Island – where the population density is so massive in regard to available space for all the people and cars. Hence, the traffic. DUH – if you don’t like it – move. Stop complaining about it because I don’t want to hear your voice for another minute.  If it were a U.S. state, Long Island would rank 13th in population(after Virginia) and first in population density. So there’s that. Daily commuting is not fun. Subways are not fun. LIRR is not fun. Flying, also not fun. It’s part of life and everyone does it. Just because its common, does not mean that it’s a good topic of conversation. Shhhhhh.


4. Work Life


If you’re not interested in your job, I’m definitely not interested in your job. If it takes you more than 30 seconds to get me interested in the topic at hand, please do not proceed. I could care less that your co-worker is giving you anxiety because you think he’s trying to take over your job. I get that you have to spend 40 or more hours a week at this job, so you should definitely have some form of interest in it – which is great. But that does not mean that I do. Unless you work in fashion, food, fitness or being fabulous, please do not proceed. Maybe harsh, I do like some of your jobs, friends! I love you all, but no. Unless I ask about your job, then I’m actually interested and you better tell me stuff. I don’t want to hear about how crappy your boss is UNLESS the story is so amazingly funny and worth it.


3. Illness


Ooooof, please don’t. Nobody wants to hear about illness and poor health conditions. Definitely a downer. Please don’t tell me your grandparent was just put into a nursing home because she’s having liver failure. Please also do not give me any information about the fungus growing on your big toe. Or the wort on your left hand. (Aren’t they contagious?! Only wrote about this because I had one recently). LOL my friends will probably hate me for writing this because I definitely talked to ALL OF THEM about this because it freaked me out and I like to inquire about what people think about my random extremities and illnesses. OK SO NOW THAT THAT’S OVER!!!  See what I mean, perfect example. Shut up, Ashley. It’s just a sad and negative emotional state that you’d generally like to avoid in typical conversation with basically anybody.


2. Remember that time when….?


“Remember when” is an excuse to reminisce into the past. There’s no forward motion, no forward thinking or movement. It’s doing absolutely nothing for your brain in regard to growth. Cool – jogging your memory is fun. And you’re both going to have different accounts of whatever it is you’re remembering, but it’s really not doing anything for any party involved. Maybe I don’t want to talk about that past event. It’s a part of the past for a reason, obviously. Why don’t you talk about a future event or a current event in your life? There’s my Tony.

1. Weather


The topic of weather is awful. The main issue with conversations about weather is that there’s nothing to be done about it! You can’t change it. Weather IS weather, you hear about it, you check or your iPhone weather app, you dress accordingly, and move on with your life!!!!  People who comment about it all day make me want to barf all over them. This conversation never gets betterwhat are you going to debate about it? NO – because it’s not that serious. And if you’re wrong, you’re just like whatever weather man that was wrong. NEWS FLASH: It’s going to change. A convo regarding weather will bring absolutely nothing positive into your brain because it’s one of two things. Weather is a past experience you already have gone through or it’s a future experience you are most likely already aware of because you check the weather every day. The conversations are just a lot of agreement.  “It’s been good/bad/average the past days, right?”  “Right.”  OR “Can’t wait for winter to be over. It’s been a rough one, huh?!” “Yeah it has been.” There’s never been a disagreement about weather. And if you really disagree about weather, you’re both morons and one of you is just a worse off moron for having to listen to the other person.


You’re welcome.

Leave a Reply