Silly Bitches, Dumb Is Never Cute!

So, you think it’s really cute to act really dumb? You like getting the attention because people think you’re an actual idiot? You think guys dig that? Your friends think it’s funny that your’e the dumb one of the group?!

I THINK YOU’RE SO BEYOND WRONG.

This is me taking a stand against the women who play the “dumb card.”

Like, OMGz, you’re the dumbest person like…ever? Wanna see how many times I can say “like?” Why do you think it’s funny to act dumb? And if you actually ARE dumb… you should not be putting yourself on blast and showing off how insanely stupid you are. Keep your mouth shut. Ignorance is bliss? UM, no. Ignorance is ignorance and it’s no excuse. If you want to be blissful, you don’t have to be ignorant. If this isn’t obvious to you, then you’re obviously exactly who I’m writing this about.

Getting the tag of “that dumb bitch over there” is not a cute look for you. No matter how pretty you are, you’ll still be known as an idiot. Which gives you no street cred – and you basically will never move forward in life.

To stop this cycle – stop being dumb! Stop talking just to say things and to be noticed. Don’t ask questions that you can easily look up the answer to by yourself – Google was invented for dumb people and is over-used by smart people. Bravo.. OBVIOUSLY. Start learning about something that you’re interested in and then only talk about that until you learn about something else to expand the breadth of your knowledge. Smart is going to look way better on you. I’m thinking this may really work out for you – until that happens, please shhhhhhhhhhh!

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Weekday Manicure

Weekday Manicure

Vivid Intense Lavender. I’m on a purple nail kick this week. Not sure how long this will actually last since it’s a piercing shade of purple – but I’ll give it a try for a few days!

The Cost of Life

Flat out – the price of being a female is much more than the pricetag of being a male. At least being a female like myself – active, healthy (mostly), likes to have fun, goes out far too much & is in her 20’s.

I’ve discovered that I really need to work on SAVING $$$. Saving money for my future. Saving money so that I can do all of the things that I really really REALLY want to do in my life.

Comparatively speaking, I’d say that since a young age, females are basically forced to spend more money on the daily than men are. This is simply due to the way of American society. Maintenance. 

If you’re a dude and you’re good looking, YOU’RE REALLY FUCKING BLESSED AND REALLY FUCKING GOOD LOOKING. 

If you’re a female and you’re good looking, you’ve got so many things that are taken into consideration – you’re good at doing make-up, your hair looks nice, your nails are clean & polished, your clothing looks nice, your skin looks great. Being that men don’t wear make-up, hardly do much to take care of their skin, shave (depending…) and their “hairstyle” usually takes under 1 minute to complete after getting out of the shower (debatable) – if they’re hot, they’re hot. Men have very little interference with their actual being of beauty. With that being said – if they’re good looking, they have really. got. it. going. on.

You know when you see celebrities on the cover of InTouch Magazine or OK! Magazine and they look absolutely heinous & awful?! Or the article is featured as “Celebs without Makeup – SHOCKING!” because they’re not as pretty as they’re made out to be. These articles are 99% of the time photos of women. Because 2013’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Adam Levine or Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew McConaughey & Ryan Gosling are just that good. They don’t need makeup to look better – they’re just that freakin’ HOT! Forget about coming from the perspective of a female thinking males are hot – I think females are “hot” too and I will 100% attest to the beauty/hotness/sexiness of any female that deserves it. But it definitely costs her a LOT more than it costs Adam Levine.

Consider the following: since puberty, females have had to spend $ on feminine hygiene products (EW, I know. But honestly – shit’s expensive!). Maintaining beauty is expensive. Make-up is expensive. I spend too much $ on make-up so I’m a different case, but whether you’re drugstore shopping or department store shopping for make-up, you’re still spending money here. Skin care products: face wash, body wash, acne? (if you’ve ever had it, I don’t know?) anti-aging products as you get a little older, under eye cream, moisturizer, toners, the list goes on and on. Hair products: Shampoo, Conditioner, Brush, blow dryer, straightener, curling iron/wand, hair cuts & hair color is $$$$. Razors / Waxing / Laser Hair Removal – $ / $$ / $$$$. MANICURES & PEDICURES! – at the absolute cheapest you’re doing this yourself ($7 Essie nail polish, nail file $.99, Base Coat $5, Top Coat $5) – you can use these several times, but likely you won’t so you’re total spend is $18. If you’re me, you get a manicure every week. $8 plus tip. You get pedicures every other week in the summer (sometimes more) $15-$18+ plus tip. And I buy my own nail polish all the time as well because I like to have it and sometimes I BYOB to the salon. More $. Females also spend ungodly amounts of money on accessories. (Bags, jewelry, scarves, other random items).

Shoes.

Clothing – because being seen in photos in the same outfit more than once is social. fucking. suicide. Trends in fashion and in other aspects of life (like food, health, working out) are followed on a much stronger level by females than males. Trends are expensive because they’re ever changing and growing into something new. New new new. Girls are constantly chasing the next new “IT” item.

So girls start this whole process at around the age of 11-12 (sometimes younger). Guys that do care about grooming & their presentation usually do not start this until they’re a bit older. So if you were a guy that cared about your clothes, your hair, your skin, your sneakers, etc., you probably started this process a little bit later in life like late middle school or early high school. At this point, your parents were likely supporting you and taking care of whatever you may have wanted or needed. Not saying that females don’t have this going on because they do, but there’s MUCH MORE to take into consideration here.

As I matured, I wanted specific things. My parents would basically tell me, “No Ash, you don’t need this new shirt you just got a new shirt last weekend. No you don’t need another pair of shoes because you already have 17 pairs in your closet and only wear 3 of them. No, you don’t need to try that makeup because you’re a beautiful young lady and shouldn’t be spending money on makeup anyway!” Thanks Bobby & Judy, but I want those things anyway so I guess I’ll get a job and spend the money that I make on the extra things that I want and don’t need so that way I don’t have to hear you complain about things that I want. K?! Great. NOT!

Now, I’ve developed this really awful habit of working an excess amount to have an excess amount of $ so that I can spend it on excess things that I want. I’ve carried this process through for far too long.  I bet this gives mixed feelings for many – I don’t care though. Maybe some people were better at saving money than I was because they didn’t care about things that I cared about? Maybe they were better at saving because their parents didn’t allow them to spend their money on things they wanted? Or their parents just bought them whatever they wanted? They were better about saving because they weren’t addicted to fashion/trends/being a fly betch?

For me – it’s a never ending cycle. This process has spiraled into how I live today – not really enough money in my savings account for my “later-in-life” goals (working on it though —- my later in life goals are unreal as you could possibly imagine…). But I do have a really great outfit for tomorrow night along with fabulous plans for tomorrow night & next weekend Wednesday.

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UGH it’s expensive being a betch.

Flat Hair NO MORE!

Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray is the bomb dot com for all textures of hair, and it’s AMAZING on fine, thin hair types like mine!

Oribe Dry Texturizing is a genius invisible dry spray that instantly fluffs hair for max volume. Big, voluminous hair, betches!!!! The miracle worker spray also absorbs oil at the roots and last for hours on end. I’ve tried it in my insanely thin/fine hair and it gives it “body” as if I have rich, luxurious locks. I mean —— not really, but it’s a great “fake it til ya make it!”

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Step 1: Blow Dry or Naturally “Air Dry” Hair

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Woof, boring & dull hair washed last night.

Don’t straighten it to begin with, or the curls will be more difficult to hold. I air dried mine, because it has slight natural curl. You honestly don’t even need to curl your hair – if you just want it “BIG,” you can spray upward and tease your roots. (Especially if you’re blessed with thick gorgeous hair). Voila! Even Bigger Hair!

Step 2: Section Off Pieces of Hair & Curl Using a Wand

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I use a Enzo Milano Clipless Curling Iron 1″ . This wand is the best quality wand I’ve ever used and the 1″ is perfect size for the curls that you want.

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First off, I’d like to commend my selfie ability here…wanding your hair takes 2 hands – I’m selfie-ing while doing this. LOSER, sorry. I section off pieces of hair on my head, start with the bottom layer, then middle layer,  sides & top. The curls hold not too tight, not too loose. They’ll fall naturally to perfection.

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Step 3: After All Hair is Curled, Flip Head Upside Down – LOL

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Step 4: Spray Away with your Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray

Spray upward to create the body that you want – it will literally stay that way. Play with it because it also does not make your hair hard like traditional hairspray does.

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Step 5: Enjoy the entire day or night worry free with bigger hair that stays! 

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I use this look a lot because it’s great for “dirty hair” or 2nd day hair & it is quick & easy!

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CRAZY FACE 😉

Oil Pulling – What’s the Point & Other Thoughts…

Quite the craze over “oil pulling” lately. Check various venues of social media and you’re guaranteed to see one of your ‘friends’ posting about it. So I’m doing some 1st hand research for all of you skeptics. WTF is it, you ask?

You swish or hold or gargle oil in your mouth for 20 minutes, no more no less to help improve your oral health & overall health. Interesting enough…

This article is super helpful. Give’s everything from how-to’s to tips & findings.

And basically, there’s little to NO evidence at all that supports anything that people “say” about oil pulling. What are they saying?!

Organic coconut oil will create a slick surface and hopefully prevent any bacteria from entering into the body. Coconut oil seems to be the most widely used form of oil pulling although other vegetable oils work (sesame, olive, sunflower). The coconut oil has anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, & anti-inflammatory properties, plus does not taste bad at all. ❤ Put anywhere from a teaspoon to a tablespoon, depending on what you can handle, in your mouth & swish for 20 minutes.

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After swishing for 20 minutes, which YES is a long time you spit it out. Spit into the garbage because the oil will clog your drains otherwise. 😉 Then chug water. REALLY FAST! Kidding, it doesn’t matter how fast I just drink fast. I don’t care what people say 20 minutes is long to do something this boring- it’s 20 minutes and it’s not exactly comfortable. I definitely, 100% recommend trying to oil pull while you’re doing other things – like running around your house/getting ready for work/showering/being lazy. Not while too sleepy in the morning because of fear of swallowing.

Supposed benefits:

+ Whitens teeth

+ Strengthens your gums/teeth/& jaw. It helps with sensitive teeth & even has reported to help with TMJ.

+ Prevents cavities & gingivitis & benefits overall oral health. I think this takes a lot of swishing though. 😉

+ Helps ease the symptoms of acne/ eczema/ psoriasis/ & other skin care issues. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS.

+ Helps the ease the symptoms of a hangover & a migraine. – HA this must be a joke.

+ Has been said to help people who have sleep issues.

+ Clears out your sinuses.

+ If you have halitosis, oil pulling has been said to be a big savior for many sufferers. People reported that their morning breath improved greatly.

+ Helps with general oral pain issues.

+ Could assist in hormonal imbalances.

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Mostly what I see/feel immediately is softness – my teeth feel softer and smoother. My gums feel softer and smoother. My lips look extremely chapped, though. Need to use that coconut oil on them ASAP.

Diptyque – Baies or “Bae” ♥

Diptyque scented candles are among the best scented candles in this world – made from high quality vegetable/paraffin wax that burn cleanly & evenly. I went into the Diptyque shop in Soho (lower Manhattan – a few storefronts from Cafe Gitane) and explored a ton of fragrances. The shop assistant was extremely friendly and super helpful with my 21 questions about everything!

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Tip: (I learned this from the girl in the store) If you want to get a really good idea of the scent: tip the glass upside down and knock it against your hand so the wax comes out and then have a sniff! By doing this you can get a true impression of the fragrance rather than sniffing the top of the candle which has been exposed to the air and probably doesn’t smell as strong. Great idea and she did it to basically every scent in the store for me!

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Diptyque Soho Boutique

I went in knowing that I already loved the scent of Baies – which apparently smells like a bouquet of roses and blackcurrent leaves. Whatever that means, I just think it smells divine! And it’s pronounced “bae” – I mean, obviously I love that shit!

After almost going for Tubéreuse – definitely a more nighttime and sexy scent, I ended up with my Baies. Tubéreuse will be my next scent from Diptyque.

At $60.00 for a Standard Size candle – $30 for a votive size, it’s steep – but worth it! Such amazing scents & long lasting! To keep these pricey candles lasting even longer, make sure you always trim the wick nice & shore. Also – the first time you light this baby, put it in the freezer before the first light – the freeze somehow stops the candle from burning as quickly.

Diptyque makes about 50 different scents – they’re split into 5 categories: Fruity, Floral, Herbal, Spicy and Woody. They are all packaged in the clear glass tumblers with the trademark black and white labels – so chic. 

Highly recommend -another one of my favorites. I’ll be burning my “bae” all night long. Except not, as I’m too nervous to keep him on all night long because house burning down. Duh.

 

‘Grammin Play by Play

Instagram Posting Laws

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How often is too often? How do you want your top 9 to look? Top 9 isn’t a thing – I just want it to be – it’s basically the 9 photos that you can immediately see if you check on a person’s Instagram page on the graph mode (photo below).

Can’t post 2 selfies in a row. Or 2 food pics on a row. Or 2 of the same thing in a row. You need to create a nice balance.

Order of the 9 photos that are seen by everyone on your insta home page:

1. Random piece of furniture.
2. Selfie
3. Delicious/pretty looking food
4. Best friends doing something cool.
5. Scenery pic
6. TBT
7. Quote/words – (girls lol)
8. Dog
9. Somewhere I went with a geotag

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follow me, silly!

WOMP. Basic bitch. See basics. Everything noted above is basic, LOL. #GUILTY! So basic Ash, SO. BASIC.

 

This is law for increasing likes: if you post a photo of a parent, your likes increase. Especially parents doing funny things. Like dad’s. Or grandparents –  they rule. If you post a photo of your dog, and you don’t do this daily, likes increase. Life event (engagement, graduation, job, other shit) likes increase. Cute baby that isn’t yours (or maybe is) that you also don’t upload daily (so people are excited to see it) increase. Hysterical meme of friend doing something ridiculous. Bonus points if it’s a guy. And if he’s not wearing a shirt.

Timing is everything. How you time a photo can be it’s make or break point. People open Instagram when they’re laying in bed in the morning, on lunchtime, after work and before bed. PRETTY MUCH ANYTIME, BUTTTTT BEST times to post: Weekdays: 545am12:45pm5pm,9pm. Weekends: 9am, 3-5pm.

Hashtags in the caption. Don’t do this with over 5 hashtags – it’s your hard limit. A few are okay. Bonus if they’re funny. And go well with what you’re saying. Minus points for spelling errors. And not capitalizing every new word #becauseidontalwaysknowwhatthismeansorwhenwordsendorbegin

See how annoying that is? If you absolutely MUST hashtag, do it in the comments.

How many filters on that shit betch? We know your skin doesn’t look that dull. Or that orange. So stop!

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Why is Kelvin even a thing? And if you use it, consider us no longer friends.
Yes, I base friendships off of Kelvin, it’s a unit of measure.

Your screenshot of iMessage convo isn’t funny. I’m sorry inside jokes are very difficult to get across on Instagram. If it’s not funny for everyone, your likes aren’t gonna be there. No recognition. Because even if I see your funny thing- which could be blatantly funny – I may not like it because I’m like “hmm what’s that about or who’s that about?” I’m too lazy to think about it and Im gonna scroll right by.

You already knew this I would imagine – I’m giving a quick refresher for all of the annoying posters on Instagram. MYSELF INCLUDED.

I know I could unfollow. But it’s not worth it because it’s just too funny to continue to follow people. Entertainment is what it’s all about and I like funny shit. I also like regular shit. Like uploading a picture of ugly ass shit because I mean… It’s funny.

Having a bad day? Bored? Obvi on Insta. Those moments are the reason we keep following those train wrecks. Nothing can perk your mood better than not double tapping a super ratchet selfie of a person you don’t know but wish you never found out existed (mostly bitches). There is hardly any quicker mood fix (aside from a cocktail or Adderall – but let’s be real, they’re not as easily accessible at your 9-5).

Hate someone? Want to hate them more? Stalk them from your friends page since they have already blocked you (they are also a hater). This can be detrimental to your health. Seeing that your life is way more tres chic is obvi a + (positive). When they do something cool that you kinda sorta wish you were doing (almost never), this is a – (negative). #InstagramSideEffectsAreREAL! 

Wondering where that guy that isn’t texting you back is? Good thing his friends non-chalantly (spelling ?) added you on Instagram that one time you met them. Because now you can peruse their Insta’s to see if he is in fact someone you should be wasting your cellular data on.

Otherwise, keep grammin and follow the rules.

xo

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GRAMMED, GRAMMIN!

Head Shots – Bang

Tremendous thanks & shout out to Bellport Web Solutions! Had a blast shooting with my girl Alexandria (@alexyadig – follow her, she’s adorable) and Dan the owner/photographer & of course, our “props.”

Alex invited me a few hours before & tells me, “You’ve got one job, Ash – bring props.” Don’t tempt me with a good time! Fruit hats. Bananas. Stella Artois. TMG Flower Halos. Funky sunglasses. Done & done. Our experience with Dan was fantastic – his studio space is great & his two French Bulldogs rule!

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SO, as if you guys needed more of a reason to think Alex and I were legit in love with each other, here’s another one! We look like we’re sisters posing for family portraits as a gift to our parents for their 40th wedding anniversary. With that being said, I F-ING LOVE IT. Red lips are my favorite and this photo is my absolute favorite. Alex is wearing Hourglass lipstick in “Icon.” I’m wearing Chanel lipstick in “Passion.”

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As always – the fruit hat NEVER FAILS.

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Stunning in That Madonna Girl “The Dani” halo.

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SIGNING OFF.

I FEEL LIKE DAFT PUNK.

 

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Photo Cred: Bellport Web Solutions

My Fabulous Life Living with “the D”

Some of you may know and many of you may not know that I’m a Type 1 Diabetic.

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I was diagnosed at 14 years old.  For 10+ years, I’ve been dealing with #diabeticprobs. Since the day I was diagnosed, I promised myself that I would not let Type 1 Diabetes run my life and that I would own it and run it and do what I wanted. Ups & downs, high’s & low’s, crazy betch behavior followed by wild exhaustion. I blame it all on the big fat D.

Many people would actually never guess that I have a serious disease, because of my ability to act so “normal” LMAO and conceal my robo-girl lifestyle. I wear an Omnipod insulin pump and a pink, obv Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor. So at any given time, expect to find me with 1-2 small white devices underneath my shirt on my stomach or on the small of my back.

I’m not saying the way I live is right, but it’s what I do and who I am. I’m not a perfect diabetic but I’m basically a perfect human so — let me live. Maybe I drink too much. Maybe I eat too much/improperly sometimes. I’m a work in progress – along with this progress comes many, very insane stories. Every once in awhile I’m going to feature some of my awkward & hysterical, yet serious life stories about my life with diabetes.

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