Contrast Please, No Comparison

dont-compare-pic1People only show you what they want you to see.

Social media, specifically Instagram is a mere glimpse into the life of an individual or business or brand. Some over-sharers give more than a glimpse but rather, a life story. And you want to unfollow so badly but you simply cannot because it’s just too damn good! Either way – what everybody views on Insta it’s not the whole story! Typically, it’s only the good good shit.. OBVIOUSLYYYYYYYY.

Everything we do is posted to Instagram. Like OMG – sooooo Instragram worthy. It’s moderately scary. I’m obsessed – I Insta all the time. However I’m trying to take a step back and understand why I do and realize that I need to relax.

Calm down BETCH, it’s just an App!

I totally get it – that your social reputation seems like the most important thing in the world. But legit – it’s not the instant trip to happiness, fulfillment, self satisfaction and approval. Isn’t that why famous people have so many issues?

Having hundreds of thousands of followers does not mean having hundreds of thousands of friends. OBVIOUSLY.

People upload the coolest things ever on Instagram – because why wouldn’t they?! The more likes you get the cooler you are right?! UM, I guess.

Regardless of what the photo is actually of – it is all that the viewers can actually see. (Unless they’re your BFF standing next to you OK-ing whichever dumb filter you chose, then they know – DUH!).

As I’ve said before, many people don’t actually care about your life, more often than not, they’re just curious. And they stick around just to check up on you – which is weird. These aren’t real friends, they’re “fake” friends.  Your real friends will always be the people laying by your side when you’re in an elevator shaft really drunk, or making you breakfast smoothies when it’s your turn to make breakfast smoothies, or throwing up in an Uber sitting next to you while you’re throwing up in an Uber (right in front of your place), or keeping you in check when you are way out of line.

So remember that shit!

Instagram is not real life. It is just an App.

Insta is just a person’s visual daily check in where they can connect and share the BEST things that are going on in their life with all of their closest friends followers. It’s honestly not an accurate perception of “real life” at all – this app really allows people to make a visually appealing graph, if you will. Ya just receive the bits & pieces – the juicy stuff.

You can “make believe” anything your heart desires via Instagram. Welcome to the land of make believe, people! Instagram = Disney?! Um…..questionable. But I can basically make you believe whatever I want – or at least make you question it. If I uploaded a photo of Bora Bora this weekend (besides my friends who know that I cannot afford plane tickets to Bora Bora) & the fact that I’m not there —- people would probably think I’m there. As long as a #tbt or #fbf isn’t listed in the photo – it’s believable, because it’s on Instagram.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? How fucking ridiculous is that? I would receive text messages, emails, comments and the like from people being like… “WTF, you’re in Bora Bora?!” “NO! I’m just testing out how flawed humanity is and you assholes all fell for it.” But I mean – it’s so simple. I’d get a bunch of likes on that shit too probs.

The point is that you can make your life out to seem something very different than it actually is.

Uploading an adorable photo of you and your boyfriend together sitting outside on the end of a boardwalk with your feet dangling off the end, happy as clams from Memorial Day Weekend —— does not take into account the fact that your boyfriend has been cheating on you for your entire relationship and is absolutely OK with that. He really loves you though, he promises. He told me. 😉

What I’m saying here is do NOT believe everything you see! Don’t compare their super cute Instagram / Facebook relationship to your relationship. Yours is better, anyway. They’re not as amazing and cute as they make themselves out to be. I mean, maybe they really are cute in that photo – and sure, yeah – sometimes in reality they are too. But not always. You only see what they’re willing to share. So don’t be jealous of that. Just accept it and move on. Right now, I want you to stop wishing you were that person, or wishing you had that, or wishing you were doing what that person is doing right now. Your life is going to get happier.

Instead of comparing everything I do or do not do to whomever (too many do’s) – I’m going to contrast it. I’m going to continue to live my own way and behave as I please. Let people think whatever they want to and not have feelings about that – shocking, NOBODY. But you should give it a shot too.

Remember this the next time you are scrolling through someone else’s feed thinking (as we are all guilty of doing by the way!!)

“I wish I had their life…”

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How To: Get What You Want – Part THREE

HOW TO: Get What You Want

Yes, there’s 3 parts. No, there shouldn’t be.

But I had to break this information up into 3 blog posts. Because I’m not about giving you all of the information easily. And for dramatic effect (see Part 2).

But this is how you’re going to make people GLAD to do what you want. They’re going to be begging you to do exactly what you want them to do.

money cannot buy

Start off with compliments! Praise the person and appreciate what they’re doing for you. “You’re very beautiful, I really like the way that you do your eye makeup.” “Next time you’re doing it though, can you make sure to clean up the powder that’s left behind all over the sink?” It’s much easier to hear unpleasant things after you hear something positive about yourself.

Indirectly criticize. Don’t say a word to the idiot that isn’t doing his job at work. Do it for him… step right in and let him look on as you complete the task. Once he catches on that you’re there, acting on something – you let him finish. He will feel it – he’ll know what he did was wrong. He’ll respect you for not talking to him like an inferior, but allowing him to not do what he should have been doing. Reward people for their idiocy. Let them get away with it – but also let them KNOW they were an idiot. Change your “BUT’s” to “AND’s.” Failure is washed away. Get rid of the but – it changes the tone.

Talk about yourself (easy), but talk about your mistakes FIRST. It’s easy to criticize somebody – but also, think about WTF they know or don’t know. If you’re an expert (or you consider yourself one), other people don’t know as much shit as you do. OBVIOUSLY. So take it easy – and instead of making someone feel dumb with “WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT, IT’S ALL WRONG!” have some compassion. “OMG, I DID SOMETHING SO SIMILAR WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING THAT. ONCE I MESSED UP THIS ENTIRE THING… TRY THIS, IT’S HELPFUL!”

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. “Have you ever thought of…?” or “Do you think this would work…” Nobody likes to be barked at. Or be given orders. You definitely get what you want much easier if you give some options. You give opportunity to people to do things for themselves and it boosts self-esteem. It also removes the feeling of resentment.

If somebody sucks at something, let them do something that they’re actually good atDon’t highlight the shitty job a person is doing. Take a minute and think of something that they do really well – sometimes it is not AT ALL whatever you want them to do. However, something completely different – sometimes better! Have that person do that – it will be better for them and embarrass them way less. This is “feel good shit” people!

“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.” Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Praise is what makes people better – positive reinforcement – not negative. Keep going!! Praise can truly change a person’s life. With a little bit of encouragement, a person can really go places. As for getting what you want, successful people make successful surroundings. You can really move mountains with a positive message in the life of a friend, colleague or subordinate. They’ll remember the feeling you left them with. Always. People are thirsty, quench their thirst.

Reputation – it’s all about a person’s reputation. Once you give somebody a really great reputation to live up to – they’re going to. You create a situation where you force a person to compare their own life back to themselves. Sometimes this is difficult to face, but ultimately, it’s rewarding. Great leading tactic, really. Let somebody live up to their previous self – it’s easy to give a bit of suggesting advice this way.

Encourage and make the shitty shit they did seem super easy to correct. It gives people the desire to improve. Please help them, do it for the greater good of the world.

Make the person happy to do exactly what you want them to do. Give them some reward or recognition. Don’t let them down but suggest cool things about it! Don’t give them the opportunity to not be excited about it. Your request should really make the other person have the idea that they will personally benefit. Consider what they will gain, and let them gain it.

“My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.” – Dale Carnegie

love this photo
love this photo

Based on: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

MDW

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Memorial Day Weekend is upon us.

BBQ’s, beach, sunshine

rain… work…  still beach though 🙂

The beginning of summer is my favorite time of the year, it makes me automatically happier. Vitamin D is in abundance and people are smiling a lot more.

I’ve never been a believer in the whole “summer lasts between Memorial Day & Labor Day” idea. I’m usually at the beach far before MDW and far later than LDW. I also don’t believe in wearing white between the two. I wear my whites all year round! I guess I’m excited to see all the basic betches begin to break out their white clothes after this weekend – it’s about time.

The future looks tan! Wear white all weekend people. Do it!

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❤ is eating a bagel with your bestie by the bay. LMAO

 

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Why Men Cheat

I’ve literally been doing research on why men cheat from the moment I started dating my first boyfriend (so, Kindergarten).

Obviously, never wanting to be cheated on, but knowing that it does in fact happen – I made sure I was exceptionally cool. Really easy-going, and not annoying to boys (or anyone for that matter). Main goal is to basically not act like a girl at all. Be like “one of the guys” without actually being weird or gross. Not forcing the “center of attention” look on myself. Not letting the little things become a big thing.

I give all of my girl friends very similar advice – to remain calm, cool and let shit go! Except when I’ve found myself in positions when I can’t let shit go – this has blown up in my face. Discovering why men cheat has been rough, but it’s all a part of growing up. Females cheat too, but I don’t care about that so save your opinions for another betch.

I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who is a Grade A, top of the line, high quality and respectable dude – also, a CHEATER. No names needed and specific situations never needed, but they happened and he’s real. This is what we’ve come up with. Enjoy or don’t.

Some men are never truly happy in their lives.

To these guys, happiness is a temporary feeling. Fleeting. There’s always this search for more or what’s next. So they mask their unhappiness through a variety of methods – drinking, drugs, gambling, and yes, womanizing.

Men at times are genuinely unhappy in their relationships and with themselves, which leads them to cheat. Chasing that temporary high or that good feeling in the beginning of a hook-up. Men are babies. They’re insecure and act immature.

a betches motto <3
a betches motto ❤

Insecurity.

Men want to be able to know “they’ve still got it” or they can still “pull a hot chick.” Congrat-u-fucking-lations? Good for you, bro. I guess? But when will it ever end? When will you feel secure enough with yourself that you don’t need to cheat on the one that you’re with just to prove to your friends or to yourself that you’ve still got it? If you do in fact, still have it – fucking keep it! People will know you still have it because you’ve kept the person that you’re with. And you’re cool because you’re confident, not cocky. You know when to fire punches and you also know when to roll with the punches. And if you choose to  leave the person that you’re with, do it with some class and dignity and don’t look back.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-dHgZ4uY4nhu4J/the_40_year_old_virgin_2005_confrontation_at_the_store_part_2/ 

Sex is a major factor – obviously.

Men cheat because their current girlfriend is boring. Or he can’t get over me. Leading a double life gets difficult after awhile so pick a team, dude!

Men don’t want to face the reality of their sexual incompetence and dealing with a new girl allows them to escape from their real life for a little while? (Disclaimer: Maybe for some, not Exhibit A…)

Cheating can be done in two forms: physical & emotional.

Ask any sane or better, insane betch what is worse? – The guaranteed response: emotional cheating. Cheating usually becomes emotional as soon as it happens more than once – sometimes not, but the physical isn’t what gets people so worked up about it.

Like – I don’t really care if you’re sleeping with another person. What I do care about is protecting myself (from whatever you may get or have from this other person). This is the scary part about cheaters. Like if you’re going to cheat or lie about what you’re doing with others, go right ahead and be a piece of shit liar. BUT you better fucking think about the literal danger that you may be putting somebody else in. STD. Immune system killers. I think about this all the time (maybe I’m paranoid) but I think everyone else is just dumb.

He doesn’t LOVE her anymore.

Bullshit. If you feel that strongly about not loving someone anymore, you should feel strongly enough to fucking tell them. This all comes down to the insecurity. Not feeling comfortable enough with yourself that you can’t break up with somebody is awful. Being with a person isn’t the end all – marriage is not always the end of the road. Love isn’t the end.

My question is whether or not cheaters evolve? Or will a guy be a cheater forever and ever, for the rest of his life so help him, God.

How To: Get What You Want – PART Deux

Get people to Think EXACTLY How You WANT!

Avoid all arguments with people. Always. I’m confrontational – but ONLY when I need to be. Otherwise, I’d rather let you go on and on about whatever you want to and never say a thing about it. Until I need to tell you to shut up. Because I likely don’t really care. Arguments are rarely necessary. Fighting is absolutely never necessary. Over it already, bye.

colorful bullets?
colorful bullets?

Respect the people you’re trying to get what you want from. Respect their opinions and what their goals are. Telling them that “they’re wrong” will get them to dislike your opinions and eventually dislike you. Don’t put yourself in a predicament where you have to backpedal. Disrespect never got ‘nobody ‘nowhere!

Admit your faults and your flaws. If you were wrong, admit that shit! Acknowledge that shit. Get overrrrrrr it. Get through it quickly by letting the other person know you were wrong and you would like to make right on that. It will make the other person feel better about themselves. And it will make you feel better about yourself in the future.

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Be a friendly betch. “You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar.” I for one, don’t know why anyone would willingly want to be catching flies…. EVERBUT – I guess if catching flies is your fucking thing – use the honey. And be friendly, silly! 🙂

Make your conversations VERY POSITIVE. Get people saying “yes!” Like, get them happy. Get them motivated and make them happy about what they’re about to do (for you!). C’mon people – positive psychology is ALWAYS better than negative – even if you never payed attention in Psych 101 with Dr. Whomever in college – you’ve got to know that that guy B.F. Skinner talked about how positive reinforcement through conditioning is what rules! If that’s the only thing I learned in Psych than at least I learned something. Also Pavlov’s dogs. 😉 (End rant).

PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES! (For example – MY ENTIRE FUCKING BLOG!) I love talking about myself. And relating things to myself. Because I rule this world blog. lol When people speak, they usually like what they have to say say – they like to think that ideas are theirs. Get people thinking what you think and let them talk about it. Get them on your page and lead them to believe they got there themselves. They’ll think your fabulous idea is actually their fabulous idea. And who cares whose idea it really is? If you’re gaining something in the long run, let them think they thought of it. Sheer brilliance. Goals accomplished.

See where this person is coming from as well. Don’t disown their ideas because you know they didn’t think of them. Be interested in their your idea! Really FEEEEEL them – you make these people also feel like what they’re doing is the RIGHT THING. Like they’re helping you. They’re helping the cause. They’re helping themselves.

Like any betch in her right mind would do – MAKE THAT SHIT DRAMATIC!

create dramatic effect
create dramatic effect

People respond to dramatics. It gives them something to talk about in their mostly boring lives. Throw some shit in their faces. Let this person know that you mean business. And show them you mean business…make it good. Like really, really good. Why else waste time on something if it’s not gonna be good?! Drama makes life enjoyable and keeps people guessing. Don’t make it boring and obvious drama

Lastly, make it count. Challenge bitches! Give a person a challenge to do exactly what you want. Most people will accept challenges. Most people not only accept challenges, but go at them so hard that they perform much better than you were anticipating. People can really out-do themselves. Again and again. Betches love challenges. Don’t you? So do guys. Making people believe in themselves is a fun thing to do and in the end, all are winners.

All of this shit sounds a bit mundane but it’s common sense. These things will literally get people eating out of the palm of your hand. Not that you want people eating out of your hands but I’m really about little sayings like that. You’re well on your way to getting what you want!

Based on: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Today’s Trendy Shit: Raw Organic Almond Butter DIY

I ❤ food and I love challenging myself to eat healthy on a daily basis. It’s a fun challenge because I’m constantly in the struggle/battle between eating pizza & chicken fingers while drinking wine VERSUS eating raw, organic salads with free-range chicken while drinking alkaline water, green tea with lemons and gluten free everything.

It’s an ULTIMATE STRUGGLE. I have a fat little adolescent boy’s appetite with a Type 1 Diabetic endocrine system and a mindset of a conscious, health-friendly 20-something who has no trouble indulging every now and again (everyday!). AHHHH.

So my dietician/nutritionist told me that every single time I consider putting a carb in my mouth, I must have a protein to complement it. Almonds have protein…OK! To satisfy my sweet tooth, I’ve become a major fan of McIntosh apples with Raw Organic Almond Butter. At over $20.00 per jar, this almond butter apple becomes a quite expensive “snack.” I know they make cheaper kinds, but this is the type that I like – if I’m going to do something, I do it full-bodied and hard-bodied. I don’t half-ass anything. Especially eating.

So I’ve found a way to make my own almond butter without spending a wad of money every other week.

Step 1: Buy Raw Organic Almonds from Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods. $4.99

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Step 2: Pour almonds into food processor.

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YUM

Step 3: Press button.

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Press HIGH!

Step 4: Wait about 10-15 minutes (sometimes you have to scrape the sides of the food processor). See the process below…

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Grindin’
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Almond Meal ?
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Getting Pasty…
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Starting to Form
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Buttery Goodness
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Now it’s Smooth Almond Butter!

Step 5: Remove your almonds (which have turned to butter with no added ingredients!) and place into glass jar.

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Remove almond butter with a spatula
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Glass bowls or Mason Jars are the best for storage!
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Put me in the fridge!

Step 6: Store in refrigerator and enjoy all week!

McIntosh Apple, my favorite <3
McIntosh Apple, my favorite ❤

How To: Get What You Want

DO NOT ACCEPT NO AS AN ANSWER.

Here I’m going to provide you with a few quick tactics over 3 posts on

HOW TOGET WHAT YOU WANT!

If you’re 100% DEVOTED to making something happen – you do not allow “No” to happen. It’s all about your approach. If you’re smart, you give the party you’re negotiating with some options – you will never allow the other party to win because you’re not giving them an option that you’re not going to gain at least something… The options you give make the person decide which is the lesser of all evils for them of all of your options. Leave them with no choice but to pick their best option (potentially your shittiest option) which is still a win for you and at the worst a moderate loss for them. You don’t care about what they lose, but you want to be sure that they’re in fact gaining something as well.

People like to win. People like to feel good about themselves. You must make this happen. Talk to people about what they’re interested in – who cares if you don’t like Game of Thrones and they’re obsessed with it? Learn something ironic about Game of Thrones and talk to this person about it. Be interested, you’re getting ahead with them! I have no fucking clue what Game of Thrones is, BTW.

This is simple for betches who get what they want on a daily basis. If you cannot cope with the fact that you may not get what you want – you will learn exactly how to never have that happen to you. Ever again.

You manipulate people. It sounds messed up, but you do it in a way that they do not even realize it. You learn how to let people work for you. And still gain ground. You literally make people feel good about themselves. You make people feel like they’re really important (because they are…right?!). You butter them up a little bit – they’re guaranteed to be a little bit more willing to do something for you. I”m not talking about lying and cheating and stealing from people here. Become genuinely interested in people – it works! I’m talking about showing people how they’re gaining from what they’re doing by helping YOU!

Smile. Duh. It looks better on yaaa…

People think about themselves. Such an obvious thing here but REMEMBER A PERSON’S NAME!! It makes a huge difference and they’ll like you a lot for it. People put themselves first always (usually always, unless Mom’s)- so if what you’re asking of them will really benefit them in some way all whilst really benefiting you – they’re 100% going to do it. And you just won. And you just manipulated somebody in doing something for you. And you didn’t have to do it.

You LISTENED. Listening is key here – you need to let this person express their feelings and you need to feel compassion for this person and make them feel really great after talking to you. They’re going to want that great feeling again – they’ll be chasing that high. They’re going to want to spend time with you and be around you. You’re winning (they are too) but it doesn’t matter because you are.

“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” – Dale Carnegie

References from: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

…more to follow on this baby…

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Why are there so many cat metaphors? Ughh…

This is a Life Lesson for Everyone…

Some people DON’T love you, they don’t even care about you. They just want to stay connected to you – they love the benefits.

So, they do the minimal. A little phone call here and there. A text. Just checking/thinking about you (ppffftttt!).

WHAT THEY ARE REALLY DOING IS: MAINTAINING A CONNECTION, SO WHEN THEY NEED YOU – THEY STILL HAVE A WAY IN.

Reading people gets easier with age. Be careful of the curious and stay close and true to those true few.

Catcalling, Meow.

Catcalling. Don’t do this – and if you do, expect to receive VERY expressive, specific insults.

Fuck. You. Get away from me. I’m not interested in you. Shut your mouth immediately.

I once told an ex-boyfriend that I would pay for surgery to have his ribs removed so that he could suck his own dick because I’d never go anywhere near him again. (Unrelated, but I thought it would be a good point to add that in).

If you haven’t already, please meet reality TV personality & model Stassi Schroeder… the violent metaphors ❤

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stassi 1

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Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 1 | Stassi’s Violent Metaphors.

The link is my absolute favorite compilation of “Stassi” moments.

…how many people do I know that have told me that I remind them of her? Resting bitch face is on point.

Being nicer is definitely in my near future. Great quote someone sent me recently –

“I try to be nice to everyone because what if they have a hot brother?”

But like…. Don’t whistle at me. Don’t beep your car horn at me while I’m running. Like what was your goal with that? Did you think your beep and yell out the window while at a traffic light would make me sprint on over to your car and flirt with you and get in your car and go home with you and we live happily ever after?! No?! Me NEITHER. That kills my vibe so don’t do it.

Catcalling is like so… 18th century. I almost want to take that statement back because I would 100% rather have a guy approach me face to face (a la 18th century) rather than message me on any form of social media. But an approach/inquiry/courtship is far different than a catcall.

I hate that it’s named after a cat. I don’t like cats. At all.