I legit do not know what I wanna do in my life. How dramatic of me but…Like – how do you know what you like or what you’re good at? I feel like I need to do my own thing. Which is what…? I do not know yet.
Everything will fall into place, eh? I guess so.
Do you ever feel like that?
Dreams of working in the city have come to life and I’m beyond grateful to hold a job in a creative & growing industry. And network with people as well as be a part of something totally different than what I’m used to. I do feel like I should have done what I’m doing now, much earlier in my life. Now I’m 25 & I’m brand new somewhere. SO here I go – facing the facts – I’m not going to be doing anything exciting or amazing yet…OBVIOUSLY. But I keep wondering to myself…when is the amazing stuff?!
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself or I’m having too high of expectations. I AM the new girl after all – but it’s because I’m displaced. When you experience a lot of success at a very young age (high level management at 22 years old- yeah, weird) – it is a strange feeling to accept a role that has a different status of responsibility- even if it means changing industries and getting my feet wet somewhere totally different.
I feel like I’m far behind the curve on many levels. Many of my peers are in relationships & getting married, having children and have great jobs that they’ve advanced in over the past 5+ years. And I’m just like alone and starting over and trying to be in NYC but idk if that is really even where I should be or what I should be doing. I feel legit so weird about myself right now. Like I know it’s exactly where I want to be and where I belong. But I’m doing it totally solo so I’m constantly imagining things being different. Like if I had a boyfriend I would hang out with him after work. (Do I even want that?) But instead I just get on the train and go home. Get home late. Wake up at 5:30AM and get back on the train for work. Rinse. Repeat.
This is what finding yourself is all about. If you think this is a complaint then get over yourself and click the X of this screen because it’s really just me thinking out loud and wondering if other people feel this way?
People I know are either tied down or exceptionally busy (SOML) and it makes me feel weird. I feel like a 22 year old stuck inside a 25 year old’s mentality. And it’s bizarre. I guess I’m going to keep dating until I find Prince Charming. Expect ridiculous stories to come from that shit as well. Literally haven’t even been going out in NYC which must change immediately so I can expand my social circle. Also drain my bank account (oof). I don’t know what to do at this point.
Make that money in the meantime, live well, travel often,
spend enjoy time with friends, family & people you love as frequently as possible, shop a lot, look pretty. A bestie once told me that her goal is to never leave the house without looking like Blake Lively. That’s a pretty steep goal, but nonetheless a really exceptional goal. I’m going to try it ——– until it’s Monday morning at 6:00 am and I’m late because I didn’t wake up early enough & shitttttttt.
But, as I have always said:
“That’s the beauty of this life…”