Crap from Your Kitchen…

Summer is here & bare feet are a guarantee for every weekend.

Bare feet, sand from the beach, extra sun & ocean saltwater all contribute to that dry skin you get all overrrrr.

Want a really great spa treatment for your dry legs/feet/elbows/arms? Don’t want to go to the spa? Don’t even want to leave your air conditioned place to get a moisturizer that hardly even helps? Being in your 20’s is all about faking it ’til you’re making it. So – here’s my “fake it” to help you look like ya “made it.”

Look no further. Byrdy DIY comin’ atcha!

Ingredients:

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-Organic Pure Cane Sugar (or whatever sugar you keep in your kitchen will do)
-Olive Oil (whatever type of oil you like (coconut) but olive oil is commonly kept)

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Pour oil on to the sugar. It will easily begin to fold together.

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Mix together in a bowl with your hands (or a spoon) and create your oily textured scrub. Simple as that.

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It will turn into a rich sugar scrub that’s good enough to eat… but really.

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Apply/slather all over areas that you’d like to exfoliate & moisturize (legs, feet, knees, arms elbows…)*

*A little bit goes a LONG way.

If you have a facial exfoliation/moisturizer in mind feel free to add the following: essential oils, fresh squeezed lemons, blueberries or any berries for antioxidants, oatmeal… some more simple as pie recipes. Like you don’t need measurements either – just mix whatever you have and hope for the best.

Tomatoes (rich in lycopene) & sugar are great for protecting against UV rays from the sun.

Olive oil, coffee grinds & organic honey is an easy one I’ve done as well. This smells amazing & works well, especially in the morning! It can get rather messy – use it in the shower. (if you’re not into DIY but love a coffee scrub, frank body has got it goin’ on!).

Oats, honey & olive oil is a great mixture for super dry skin as well. Very moisturizing.

So basically, get in your kitchen, find some random ingredients that you may need and make your scrub. Cheap (basically free) and easy! You can use it 2-3x per week.

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Different Ways to Drink

Paint Nite NYC is an innovative and fun way to have a glass of wine while actually accomplishing and creating something beautiful! (usually)

I’ve recently attended my 2nd Paint Nite NYC at Bowlmor Chelsea Piers with a bunch of the girls. It’s a great concept for an easy night out! You’re making something pretty while chatting & catching up with friends and you don’t actually drink more than 1-2 beverages. The painting we made was extremely simple & rated “easy.” Next time I’m totes trying a “medium” level of difficulty! Below are some photos of our Paint Nite Out!

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Friend Zoned

Hey FZ guy! This is you, Mr. Friend Zone. Mr. I have girls that are friends, but never girlfriends. Mr. Play-It-Safe. Mr. Nobody Will Date Me. Mr. Niceguy. Mr. We’re Just Friends.

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What the F are you doing wrong?! Why are you in friend zone?

What you don’t know is that you’re already doing so much right… because friend zoned guys always get noticed, eventually…

Your ultimate roadblock is timing. Because right now, you’re NOT IT. One day though. You’ll be thankful in the long run and end up with a girl who is way more worth it than every girl who ever FZ’d you.

Many of you know what friend zone entails. The sometimes sad truth of friend zone is that this guy is super nice – generally pretty awesome and def somebody you enjoy being around for extended periods of time. Sounds great, right?

Wrong. The kicker is that this guy is not somebody that you’re even remotely interested in. Beginning a relationship with this dude romantically is NOT in the cards. Not yet, at least.

There is something about you, guy – that just does.  not.  do.  it.  for.  me.

One or More Characteristics Leads You to this Position:

Unattractiveness

Bad teeth, bad breath, overweight, underweight, poor attitude, weird smell, too short, bad hair. Sorryyy but these are all real time reasons as to why I wouldn’t like you that much. This sounds bad but I cannot lie.

Napoleon Complex 
Your personality is TREMENDOUS (and rather annoying) to make up for your less than average stature. AKA you have a little penis. Now I’m not saying I have never or will never, but I’m just saying… it’s a thing.

While in reality this could be 1 small factor, I’ll still hang on to it so so much and never let it go. Like I won’t even consider the 25+ good qualities you have if something is sticking out at me too far (or not far enough!).

Lack of Ambition

Come on, dude. Yeah – it’s great that your parents pay for everything for you. It’s NOT great that you live at home, you completely rely on your parents and you have no plans to begin your own life.

Age & Maturity or Immaturity Level 

I’ve heard you say you do not care, but FZ bro, it’s time to face the facts. You do care.  You care a lot actually and you go out of your way to tell people you don’t care. If you truly did not care, there would be no need to bring it up or put it on blast. So stop saying it – because you care. You’re practically obsessed. Obsessed with the fact that you are Friend Zoned.

Or everything is a joke. Like you need to be a little bit serious a little bit of the time. Another major friend zone reason. Man up, boy!

You can’t figure it out – I can’t even figure it out. I’m here to tell you to stop trying to figure it out.

Height , weight, race, socioeconomic background. These are all superficial but I  think they’re all honest reasons that women definitely think but don’t really speak of. And women definitely do not tell these reasons to the FZ guy to save hurting his feelings.

“I could never date a _________ guy.” or “I could never date a guy with ____________.” People have hard limits that they set for themselves. Everyone’s are different. “He’s too _________,” “He’s not enough ___________.” “I only date ___________ guys.”

FZ guys – I wish you the best of luck. I’m not sure how to make it happen but let me know when you figure it out.

My advice to you – quit the girl you’re trying for. Try for a new girl. You’re likely to get a reaction from both. 

 

 

Smile for a Stranger

The years between 18 and 28 are the most difficult, psychologically. Because it’s make or break time. You no longer have the excuse of “youth” and it’s time to become an “adult” – but you are just not ready.

Enjoy acting like a child, especially in a world where the adult stuff tends to get the best of us.

I’ve been admiring this amazing street art by Kelsey Montague on the corner of Kenmare St. & Mott St. in Nolita, a block away from where I work. The piece was hand drawn in paint pen and looks super rad. I passed by the mural a few times this week wanting have my photo taken in front of it, obvi – but with no luck. No innocent bystanders to harass….

Until yesterday, I was walking super fast passed it & noticed a man who stopped on the side of the road, got off his bike and was animatedly snapping photos. I stopped in my tracks and asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking a photo of me in front of it?

Turns out, this guy absolutely RULESSS! He had his helmet on with his Go-Pro attached and literally started directing me into different poses. He was posing exactly how he wanted me to look, of course – making it super epic to watch & act. I was laughing so hard, as you can see in a few of the photos. Afternoon was made! Had such a blast for a quick 3 minutes with this complete stranger. Random events like this help remind me that it’s more fun to be young. Act silly. Be weird. Just because you’re supposed to be an “adult” doesn’t mean you need to feel or act like one.

Live on betches, live. on.

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Kenmare St. & Mott St.
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Now, look down.
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Now FLY!
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LAUGHS
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#NOTASELFIE
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Spread your wings.
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RAWR – haha but no, if you saw what this man looked like directing me, you would cry laugh.

Indecision, Clothes Edition.

Tucked or untucked? Tied or loose? Black or brown? This one or that one? Left or right? Over or under? Jacket or no jacket….maybe sweater? Ugh, it’s so hot out though!!

Indecision with what to wear (amongst many other things) is my biggest asset/flaw/major waste of time. I’m constantly asking for opinions from others, and after they tell me it “looks good,” I continue to change my clothes. 3-7 more x’s… They obviously just want me to finish getting ready because I take basically forever to get dressed when given the opportunity.

Like many women, I have the ability to accidentally wake up 45 minutes later than usual (for work) and still arrive earlier than I could have on a day I woke up on time, even early.

So this means…poor time management while getting dressed and ready? Poor dress/attire prep? Whatever – nobody even knows the difference. People who are similar to me know the difference… but the general public (ew) does not.

Point is…if you’re spending time, you may as well get it together completely.

For dressing/styling myself & others, I’m extremely honest. So if I tell you “it’s appropriate” or “it looks great,” trust. Unless you’re just uncomfortable, then change. Simple.

A Few Rules of Thumb…

1. Always keep your hair down unless it absolutely needs to go up. Even after that, take it down. Some waves in your hair look great if you can put them back in a small clip (for when you have a crease or bump in your hair).

2. Black is always slimming (for when you’re having a “fat” day). Also, people notice it less… or, even better, remember it less – so it’s great for going under the radar.

3. Don’t listen to anybody but yourself. Trust yourself. Whenever I want to wear something questionable and a friend advises against it, but I wear it anyway – I get a lot of compliments. Maybe it’s in my head, but it definitely happens.

4. Dress appropriate for occasions. I’m a major disturber of peace. Sneakers with a very dressy dress to a very divey beer bar? Perfect. Casual the crap out of an awesome dress. You can totes repurpose a dress you’d likely not wear again because of photos you are in or because you feel like don’t have a place to wear it…. YOU DO!

5. Remember to get back what you lend out! Nothing worse than going to grab the perfect blazer you need to tie your outfit together and it isn’t right there hanging in your closet. And you remember your bestie has it and she’s away for the weekend. Bummer.

6. Be willing to not be so standard. (See, basic betch). I’m def not talking about wearing “bright orange pairs of pants,” Billy Joel…but I am talking about: bold lips and bold shoes. So… “bright orange pair of lips!” ;o) If you’re thinking, “SHOULD I?!?!” Yes. Yes you should. Go for it a little bit.

7. Always go for polished over sloppy. You have plenty of time to be sloppy. In the comfort of your own home. In bed. In front of your family. When you’re 5 years old… Time and place people! It’s always better to be overdressed than under dressed. Because then you’re left feeling great about yourself instead of feeling like shit about yourself. Self-esteem boosters, duh.

The Art of Text Messaging

How long does it take you to respond to a text sometimes? You stare and read, re-read, screenshot, ask for help… think some more.

 

 

 

FINALLY, press “Send.”

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And the idiot you sent it to STILL does not understand exactly what you meant. You failed at getting your point across correctly. Tone is not conveyed through a text. And that sucks. Especially for an overly expressive individual like myself.

Verbiage/Text

OK, so – if you’re planning on texting me in incomplete sentences that are not specific abbreviations or current/relevant words, YOU’RE OUT.

“Imma b @ da beach. How boutchu mamii?”

UMMMMMMMM… wait. Excuse me? How do you survive in society? Don’t ever send me a a text again. I don’t understand your 1990’s style of ghetto texting. Actually reminds me of that commercial with the dad saying shit like “mad cool” or “fresh” or something gross. You can only get away with that if you have swagger. Or if you’re very funny. Even then, it’s questionable. Highly unlikely.

This is the EXACT moment when you turn on your “Read Receipts” and “forget to answer” for a few days. He’ll know. Obvi – IGNORED. Obvi- get outta here. You know I’m not texting you back and you also now know why.

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This post originally started off as a guest blog, but I have so much to say so it changed to a collaborative post featuring:

a dear friend and fellow “Queen Betch of Awkward Moments” Kelly Nolan (@kellynonoo).

What Can Go So Horribly Wrong When Texting:

What this world is missing is a Webster’s Dictionary for text message responses that can lead to complete awk-ness and mixed signals.

Let me start with my least fav, the “k”.

As the world has evolved to what it is in 2014, so has the “k”. There is now capital k, “K” and lower case k, “k” and if you’re me, you will literally respond to people as “k, capital” or “k, lowercase”.

Here’s the deal: The capital K is more of a hateful response. Like, once you receive that you should feel like you just got shanked. The lowercase k is more of a lazy response – it’s like you want to reply, but the “O” is just a stretch above that “k” and then adding the “a-y”, no way – you’d be too exhausted.

Next, let us discuss the period.

I’m all about the grammar life so like, use them at the end of a proper sentence.  Don’t be sending random periods! It messes with both standard English and people’s emotions.  If you’re sending a bitchy period that tells me that you, in fact have your period. Or if you’re a guy, a mangina and that’s what’s happening here. If you send multiple periods then you’re also very wrong. You look impatient, like your life is just depending on that person to answer.  Pathetic-ness will be sent right along with that text. So, it’s for your best interest to stay away from those dots.

Last but not least is the oh so popular “lol”.

While “lol” is an easy go-to response for just about anything and everything, it is about 77% of the time a lie. Are you really “laughing out loud” when you send that text? When you’re in the bathroom or on line at the grocery store or at work on lunch with your co-workers around are you really laughing out loud for all to hear?

My other issue with the “lol” is that it has become such an easy response that we tend to use it even when things aren’t funny. This also leads to mixed messages! You’re either giving someone far too much credit by making them think they are funny when they are not… OR you’re just hyping up someone who’s already cocky and knows they are funny. So unless you are laying on the floor laughing out loud —try to refrain. And if you are well then hell, we should bring back ROTFLOL.

So betches, all I ask of you is to PLEASE stop and think about what you’re texting. Whether you see it or not you could be ruining relationships, your own life, etc. Keep calm and keep loving Ashley Byrd XO Kelly No

WANTED!

“You’re a shopper. You shop. You’re good at that. You’re meant for that. This applies both to shoes & men…don’t give up and buy shitty shit because you need it temporarily. Wait for the quality. Shop around. Pick things up and put them back. Return if necessary. Keep shopping. You’ll fall in love eventually.” 

Quote from a best friend.

Admirable qualities for the man I want to find…

Applications available upon request. (Jobless, heartless, untrustworthy, liars need not apply).

Qualifications are rather simple complex, sorry.

…dreams of a decent man.

Must enjoy trying new things and having new experiences. This is broad but get OVER it and get under it. Be open and don’t close yourself out to things that you aren’t comfortable with.

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Must understand my need/bug to travel – anywhere and anytime. And understand that I’ll spend whatever amount of $ I deem necessary to do so. And that he should as well, obvi.

Constantly growing and learning and being awesome. Never settling.

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Food lover ❤ – likes to try new places and going out to restaurants frequently. Also must be a healthy eater and put up with my strange/specific food diets.

Can hang and drink but does not need to go out every single night. By that I mean 4 + nights per week.

Active. Likes to exercise. Do outdoorsy things. So like, don’t be too lazy.

Likes to shop a little. Dresses well without trying too hard. And buys me nice shit (although unnecessary because I buy myself nice shit).

Likes sports.

Has good friends. Likes to include me in things with their friends. AND willing to do fun things with my friends. And actually likes my friends. A lot.

And makes me happy.

“Spend all your time and your money, just to find out that my love was free…”

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Likes to do nothing sometimes.

Is competitive in a good way.

Can deal with my ridiculous family. Enjoys his family.

Has a job he enjoys and isn’t miserable at. Makes a fab salary with growth potential. Has goals and sights for the future. Includes me in them.

Thinks I’m pretty.

Will hang out with me even if its playoffs football season and I don’t want to watch. (I will – this is a trick question). 😉

Will fight with me but not argue to make me lose.

love you idiot

Is honest and has no reason to lie about anything. Ever.

Will trust my opinions because they’re always right. Right?!

Knows how to make a cocktail.

And will occasionally allow me to dress him.

Also likes champagne.

Doesn’t lie. Did I already say that?

Smells exceptionally great.

Nice abs wouldn’t hurt. Or arms.

buff men

Mutual level of respect.

CAN MAKE ME LAUGH. At any given moment. Even when I’m fuming and all I want to do is scream or run.

…Dreams of a decent man.

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Take a look at what Brad Pitt has to say on Angelina – mostly the ending part. I don’t know if I really like thisbut I kind of like it. I don’t necessarily believe that a man has the power to completely change a woman. Or that she is a total reflection of him – but when it’s of a positive image, positive things can happen. And I like that. The ending is what makes it amazing. 

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Until then, I won’t go chasin’ waterfalls –

I’ll be doin’ me, right over here. xo 

do not chase people

This is an endless list. I don’t know why I’m posting it today. I wrote this 3 months ago. #latergram.

Monkey See, Monkey Do. BYE MONKEY.

If Everyone is Doing IT – WHY are we Not OVER IT, yet? 

Personally speaking (as if I ever speak non-personally) – I don’t like things that “the masses” like. Except pizza.

pizza pizza.

I’ve never had a Pandora bracelet, never owned an MK watch (OK, there was that one I received as a gift from an ex and returned – SORRY, Bradley!). I never fell into the Alex and Ani trend (though I do have 1 – gifted, obv and I suppose it’s sorta meaningful at least) and I NEVER wear it. I keep it out for show – in my messy room…

I’m not talking fashion trends – DUH! I obviously participate in those if I like them. I’m talking worldwide, phenomena trends where shit is soooooo accessible that water is a more difficult commodity to attain.

What I’m talking about is a perfectly prepared @Instagram photo.

Why are we not over the fact that people literally put things in specific, unnatural positions to take pictures of them?!?! Just to get “likes” ❤ on them? I’m not talking a detail shot – that’s totes normal. I’m not talking an amazingly beautiful backdrop. I’m talking like setting up a pair of shoes, next to a glass of champagne and a magazine, and your gorgeous new Cartier bracelet. That is fucking weird… because although you can argue that all of those things “go together,” THEY JUST DON’T… and furthermore, why are you positioning all of them together to photograph them to share on your Instagram? Are you a magazine? No, you’re a regular person. And I’m over you. Bye.

Shoes. Flowers. Books. I mean…… c'mon.
Shoes. Flowers. Books. I mean…… c’mon.

 

Great Skyline Background. Purse. Champagne. Magazine. Yeah, because that's very normal.
Great Skyline Background. Purse. Champagne. Magazine. Yeah, because that’s very believable.

I’m just very over this. It’s verrrrrrrry fashion blogger. I guess I follow too many of them, that’s why I’m over it. But like – get a grip. It’s not real. It’s all fake life. I’m done with this rant. ❤

*All photos from a random Twitter handle that I forgot (from very long ago, may not even exist anymore!) sorry for non-creds!

Best Friend VS. Bestie

As many betches know, the difference between a “bestie” and a best friend is MAJOR.

My prob is that I tend to call many people my “bestie” and I just don’t want to give anybody the wrong idea here, so I’ll clarify.

A best friend holds a much stronger responsibility than a bestie. Yet a best friend can always be referred to as a bestie, no questions asked. On the other hand, some besties will never achieve the title of best friend no matter what they do.

Your best friend is that personyou know who they are and they know who they are. You can def, 100%, totes have more than 1 best friend in your life. And in different contexts for that matter. But one thing is for sureeee, they will ALWAYS have the same qualities. And usually in your mind, you know there is a 1st place holder. This person is your soulmate basically. They know you so well – like better than your future husband or wife because they have known you forever and you’ve spent far too much time together.

A bestie can be classified into various categories of people you know. A bestie can be a close friend, a regular friend, one of your betches, and the term can even be used as an endearing comment toward someone you like a lot but aren’t even that close with. WHY THE FUCK AM I WRITING ABOUT BESTS VS. BESTIES?! 

A friend called me out on naming him a “bestie” this weekend and we started to compare. He told me I should make a Vennix Square…. UM?. ?. ?.  Yup. WTF is that? It’s exactly what it sounds like. Brendan is an extremely intelligent individual, however – he is definitely the type who would know where roofies would come from. That guy. 😉 totes kidding, bestie! Whatever – a Vennix Square is the combination of a Punnet Square, Venn Diagram & a Rubik’s Cube. This does not make sense, whatsoever. But in short, he meant a Venn Diagram and I’ll try to explain.

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Design & Photo Credit: Brendan Sixer

In fact, his Venn Diagram is incorrect because nothing is actually being compared and should be drawn as listed below.

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Bests vs. Besties Venn Diagram * (corrected by yours truly).

I’ll tell my besties everything, but I’ll tell my best friend WHY I told them everything. As always, it’s all about perception.

There’s a difference … and just because I name you as my bestie does NOT mean you don’t qualify as a best friend. You may be that. Or more.

Overall, bestie is simply a term of endearment that’s catchy and easy to use. And I’m obsessed with it.