Practice Your Texts

Practice your texts before you press SEND.

AKA: Don’t speak too soon.

AKA: Don’t get caught up.

AKA: Don’t say shit you don’t mean.

AKA: Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.

Every time I’m faced with an interesting question or problem or “AHH! not sure what to do” via text, I hold on a sec…

Exit iMessage immediately. Open my favorite app in the history of the world. No guys, it’s not Instagram. It’s Notes. Don’t believe me?! Take a look at my stack. In real life hard copy and in soft copy on my iPhone/iCloud. I write notes like nobody’s business. In fact I write many of my blogs in Notes.

I’ve had Notes deleted from my iPhone and I’ve had legit mental breakdowns crying and screaming on the floor, until Anthony Luckie saved my life a la his pre-lawyer days.

ANYWAY – Write down everything you want to say in the note. Run on sentences and all. Nasty shit. Nice shit. Normal shit. Really really fucking nasty shit. Get it out. It feels good. But it didn’t make anybody feel that bad yet. Now, maybe your goal is to make somebody feel bad: here’s the trick. Clean it up. Think about it and revise what you’re saying. Run it by somebody. You don’t need to answer right away. You change your tone because you’re not looking to get a negative reaction, you’re looking for a positive reaction. Don’t curse them out. You basically clean up your texts and make them clear, concise and perfect. Your text will come across as well thought out and that you mean business not that you’re trying to be a dick.

Also – it majorly saves you from the elusive  (typing) dots.

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Which are the ultimate worst gut dropping feeling. OH the person is typing… then erased. Typing then erased. Then typing.  Then nothing. And still no text received? What’s going on w this weird person ? They clearly don’t know how to respond! Clearly they’re thinking about this way too much.

When you avoid the dots, you seem unaffected by something – even if it did take you 1 hour of deliberating and contemplating of what to actually send.

Once that shit is perfect, you copy and paste into iMessage and off it goes. Confidence is up because you take out the nervousness or changing your mind or anything else out of the text line. Now you’ve said exactly what you mean, you didn’t say it mean. And you’re free. Until the text comes back: “ok.”

Hahaha! Good luck with that shit!

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Rules to Live By

 1. Don’t ever tell anyone they look tired.

This is rough. Just remember that you have no idea what a person is going through at the very moment that you come in contact with them. You think they look tired, but that may just be how they look. Showing up somewhere hungover, okay…. Not even. But this is probably the biggest insult you can give another human being. I spend hundreds of $ per month on eye cream because some 75 year old prick told me “I looked tired” every morning when he saw me at 6:45AM when I was 19 years old. Thanks for that, dude.

2. Help people, and if you offer to help someone, follow through.

Be there for a person when you say you will be. Trustworthiness is major and it’s ok to go out of your way and never get a pat on the back for it. It’s more than OK to be awesome to somebody else and love every second of it. You Go, Glenn Coco!

3. Be kind to people who work in retail and food service.

Amen. When you’re being served, say please and thank you. When you’re a dick, you aren’t received well and people won’t like you. You get what you give out – firm believer.

4. Let someone know you’re not interested.

This can be harsh but I feel a much higher level of respect for myself after telling a person that although I’m flattered, I don’t want anything further. Also on the other end, (not to my recent experience) it’s much easier to hear a “not interested ,” then the lies and lead-on’s and all that goes along with that.

5. Actually “hang out sometime.”

How many times have you put off hanging out with a friend because it’s a little inconvenient? Because you have to travel across town to get there? Or you may not really want to specifically do what they’re doing? Really? Hey – it’s not as bad as you think, prob. Just do it. You may learn something or meet someone amazing. It’s worth it, trust.

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6. Be a little more honest.

Life Motto: Honesty is the best policy. You get in far less trouble when you stay honest with yourself. A selfish thing to say… Obv. But when you’re honest with yourself, the honesty flows throughout your life. Treat others how you want to be treated. I feel like I’m stating kindergarten mottos and life lessons but they are the basics. Work on getting back there. Also, people tend to respect your opinions much more when they know it’s coming from the deep space between your brain and heart. Also it’s fucking simple – no need to make up lies or not tell people things that are necessary.

7. Stop calling each other mean names on the internet.

LOL. #bitch

8. Send more letters (not emails) and gifts.

This requires being thoughtful. Monetary gifts mean close to nothing, whereas a handwritten note and a small meaningful gift really brings the smiles. It’s channeling the “thought that counts” movement.  It’s kinda like the “don’t tell me, show me” vibes. Say thank you or hello or “I miss you” with a hand written note. It means so much more than an email or obviously nothing at all. People remember shit like that. And in the future usually will likely return the favor. People surprise you when they have good feelings. Treating someone well can bring very positive response into your future.

9. Give more genuine compliments.

“OMG, love your skirt! Where did you get it?” (That’s the ugliest F-ing skirt I’ve ever seen). – Mean Girls, obvi. If you have nothing nice to say, please just don’t say it at all. Yeah I’m saying this.. I know I sound like a #6 liar, oops. I don’t give compliments out unless I really mean them. Because I believe a firm compliment is much more kind then a random one all the time. Keep it up genuinely. Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.

10. Have more patience while waiting in lines.

No patience. No time. Always late. Always in a rush. I’ll be there in 5 minutes!! Time gets away from us. When things like this happen, practice a random act of kindness. Buy coffee for the person in line behind you. And PAY IT FORWARD! 

Basics, Clearly.

Having the feeling I’ve lowered my standards to a “basic” lately and I’m vomiting in my mouth a little bit because of it. I think it’s because I have too much going on right now. Great excuse…

I’m a firm believer that you can be the most simple or “basic” looking person and be the least basic when it comes down to style, reality, and lifestyle.

If you haven’t heard the term basic bitch, you’ve been living under a rock but I’ll humor you anyway. A basic is somebody who is just very typical. And with that being said, I don’t really think it’s an insult to be basic. Some may argue that I’m exceptionally basic right now. Basic is standard. It’s typical. It’s what you expect. Does that make it wrong? No. Does that make it boring? No. Does that make it “over”? No.

In fact, upon reflection – many people I know and love are just that – basic.

Just because you’re basic does not mean you suck. Although basic gets a very bad rep and a very bad connotation.

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Amazing tote from AMO Studios

Basics are amongst some of my favorite tangible items. Black t shirts. Black skinny pants. Crisp white button downs. LouisV bags.

All people have a different definition of basics too. Like each genre of people or category of status has their own level of “basic.”

Basics drink White Zinfandel (& enjoy it!) or Pinot Grigio (again, I like this – but very typical of a female). They LOVE their wine – and they let you know about it. They’re teachers. They drink Starbucks. They love Alex and Ani. They Instagram food. But like, basic food and their captions suck. They post far too many selfies. They put a pic on Instagram EVERY SINGLE TIME they go out – so like, you know they’re having fun. WE GET ITTTTTTT. As she falls over in her sparkly platform pumps that’s she’s awful at walking while wearing. If she’s “in a relationship,” her boyfriend/husband is AH-MAZING and she’s not afraid to share with the world all of the great things he does & buys for her. If she’s “single,” oh hot DAYUM is she single. She posts quotes on Instagram every day to let the world know that no man could EVERRR be as great to her as her girlfriends are OR as she is to herself. #PREACH, sista! They are girls who do everything a girl is “supposed to do.” That’s the reason why I don’t consider myself basic at all times, although guilty on occasion. Because I really do genuinely hope and strive to be the opposite of what you think. I hope to “throw you off” very frequently. I hope to have you know to never expect typical shit from me. I hope to be accepted as a “basic” on my own terms, however be known to be as non-basic and badass as I want to be.

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Basic Betch at the Beach Photo. #HOTDOGLEGS

This is why I’m basic… Since I’ve been living on LI and commuting to NYC over the past 3 months, I’ve adapted quite a basic sense of commuter life train style. It’s the living worst.

I legit cannot deal with running sprinting for LIRR trains in heels. Literally 1/4 to 1/2 miles… Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not wearing Asics with a dress & tights, but like. Flats. Flat sandals. IDK, boring. No Loubs in sight. I’m also carrying several bags (gotta pack that lunch)…which is weird. I have become my version of a basic bitch. Which is me. Just like…before I knew better. All of the basics out there learn what’s better or cooler eventually. That’s when they upgrade. It’s basically when you get tired of your old shit because everybody else has it or it’s just “done.”

I’m wearing my Longchamp Le Pliage shopping size bag every. damn. day. What?! The same bag every day?! I know. At least it’s black, but still Ash. Get your shit together.

Perhaps I’m too judgey on myself. But like – when you know the difference between basic and epic, you can’t help but care.

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I’ve been rotating between the same 3 pairs of flat sandals during the summer months as well. Maybe I’m having these feelings of disgust and disdain because it’s toward the end of summer and I’m anticipating wardrobe change shortly, yet not participating in it quite yet…

Betches – you can all be as non-basic as you want. Embrace who you are and F the basic bitch haters. AKA basics stand up. But really, go sit down.

I, ashleybyrdy do hereby pledge to stop wearing boring sandals, skinny pants and J.Crew dresses with a Longchamp bag to work every day. I do hereby accept the fact that I’m not a basic, however have been dressing (maybe even behaving) moderately basic recently. And I will do better. Amen.

xX

Confidence Boost

For when you’re feeling like you need a little boost… this is my list of shit to make you feel better about yourself. Explode your confidence this way. Every thing on my list works – proven through myself – tried & true.

1. Smile.

Smiling boosts confidence like nobody’s business! Smile the shit out of yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, do this as much as possible. Nobody wants to see you with a frown on your face. Definitely not flattering. Definitely does not show confidence, it shows sadness or uneasiness or boredom. Put your smile on (try not to fake it) and own a situation.

2. Head high, shoulders back, look people in the eye.

Giving direct eye contact gives you much stronger control. People will allow you to guide conversations and you will win. Avoid a power struggle because that makes people uncomfortable, also avoid staring at people because “deer in headlights” is a thing. Keep it non-verbal even, LISTENING is major.

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3. Stop apologizing

Somebody bumps into you, and you immediately say, “Sorry!” Ummm, what?! Why are YOU apologizing for a person who was not paying attention and bumped into you while you were at standstill. THEYYYY should be apologizing to you. This slight and extremely common “Sorry,” should stop.

4. Relax

Keep things light. Be very quick to laugh at yourself if you do something silly. Try not to laugh at somebody else’s expense. When you can really laugh at what you do, that shows confidence. I’m talking spilling food on your shirt and letting it happen – maybe put some food on the other side to make the stains match. 😉 Whateverrrrr.

5. Manners! Manners! Manners!

Saying “Please” and “Thank You!” are amongst the greatest words to keep in your vocabulary. People respect please’s and thank you’s more than you’ll ever know and it’s actually a mark of self-respect. I think it makes us feel better about ourselves to be gracious and feel cool. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

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6. Dress in a way that indicates your self worth. 

Looking well-dressed is MAJOR to me. Being well-dressed has nothing to do with $ or style. It has to do with what looks well on your body type and how you present yourself while wearing what you’re currently wearing. When you dress like a slut, you are a slut (proven). When you dress like a boss, you are a boss (proven). Let people see your confidence through your appearance as well as your body language and sense of self.

7. Expect others to believe in you!

OBVIOUSLY you’re amazing. You want everybody to know, see and truly appreciate your good qualities. When you expect people to know, the confidence just follows. Don’t fear others not knowing, don’t fear anybody’s opinion. When you present yourself or an idea/dream with excitement and you want others to believe in you – the confidence rolls right off your tongue.

Keeping confidence levels high is eminent to your success – so even if you have to fake it, use these tips until they become natural.

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MALE THOUGHTS…

Relationships involving young people, specifically the behaviors and misbehaviors of people while in relationships fascinates me. I’m always digging for information from couples. Constantly asking questions and wondering why people behave the way they do. First impressions are major, what do you think?!

First impressions that I get from guys will totally deem if I will want to speak to them, be a friend, be a more-than-friend. Do guys think the same way? This thought made me quickly jump to find out the workings of a male brain that just may be very similar to my own…

5 Things Men Want to Know about Women from the Second they See/Meet Her…

(Like what goes through their brains…) Why do they ask you the most awkward questions? How does the male brain work and in what order of importance are questions? What do they want to know? How does it matter?

Originally I thought that this immediately removes the appearance category because you already saw her and you’re already attracted… like you’re going in for your 1st move… what are the moves.. what is the order of the thought process? I’m thinking something like 1. Who is this girl? 2. What is her name? 3. Are there males around you? 4. Are you single? 5. Who are you here with?

I’m wrong. Here’s how it goes… FROM MALE PERSPECTIVE. 

1. What do you look like naked/what the sex is like?

“The attraction is so physical at this stage that most of these things will be shading towards the shallow, selfish level.”

2. Is this bitch crazy? Am I getting into something that I’m immediately going to regret?

3. What’s her status? Is she single, dating, serious relationship, engaged, or married?

4. Can this broad (side note: ew) carry on a cogent conversation or am I taking to nothing more than a pair of tits and an ass?

This is especially important and the quality/content the conversation says a lot. Name, where you’re from, what you do is important, but there better be more than that. Keep it fun and interesting. Don’t be timid and shy. Break my balls about something. A good ball-breaker is a catch…unless she falls in the latter on many of these things.

5. What does she do for a living?

I think this is probably a bigger one than most people think. If I’m talking to someone whose daddy gives her everything, code red alert and evacuate quickly unless you’re just looking for a lay. I’m not trying to be their next daddy.

This probably ties into the “is this bitch crazy” thought, but I also think men want to know what their history is. Not sexual, but relationships and the like. Probably not something you ask right away, but the thought crosses your mind. If it’s just a “how quick can I get her in bed” thing, probably the first and second thing I mentioned hold precedent.

So, there you have it ladies – this is what he thinks when he first lays eyes on you. Such a treat, really.

Kayak Life

Outdoor water activities are the BEST things to do during summer months on Long Island. Went kayaking / SUP yesterday on the Great South Bay from Bellport, NY. Below are some photos, while I’m laying in bed this rainy morning (afternoon, actually) reminiscing. 

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Bellport Village, Long Island
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Heading toward the Great South Bay
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Legz