This week has been eye opening. I’m thankful. I’m confused. I’m content. I’m scared. I’m crying. I’m relieved. I have no idea what to do and I’m not okay with that, yet I’m completely okay with being in the unknown. I’m at peace and the peace is lasting for the longest time that it has in a very long time.
Saturday, November 8, 2014 I lost my father to multiple myeloma (link for details). It was an excruciating and long battle – lots of downs and back ups and back down agains. Lots of laughs, lots of cries. All memories of moments that I will cherish forever. After years of observation, I’ve found that often times, girls have a sense of comfort with their dad’s and love to be “daddy’s little girl.” I loved that and will continue to be that forever. My relationship with dad had moved beyond that though. We were best friends. Always kept an honesty policy with each other and never failed to tell the truth no matter how harsh. Because we had moved on toward the realness of life and death – we spoke about everything. The real shit that not all father/daughters have to embrace together. The realness that I honestly don’t wish father/daughters have to cope with together until far later on in life because it sucks. But it grows you. And I highly recommend it. I’ve covered my eyes. I’ve cried with him, over him and for him. I’ve held myself strong to show him that it would be okay when he was eventually gone and that I would be OK. I’m not in a place to feel OK, but I do feel OK. I sometimes like to scream a lot or over share – hence my blog. Dad was a sharer – an over sharer, for def sure. I’ve never met another person in my life that was more self-centered than my dad. Self-centered in the best possible way – just LOVED to chat. About himself – about other people – he loved to ask questions. So much so that it would be difficult to get him to keep it quiet in mostly any circumstance. Regardless of what he had to say – it was always meaningful. There was always a lesson behind each story. I say “stories” because I never knew if they were actually true…
Keeping myself busy with as many positive things as I possibly can at this point. To spread the love and continue on the legacy of how awesome my Dad was – I’m going to contribute a few different public work projects in the world. Things that people like. Things that benefit all types of people – no discrimination ever. Because regardless of the way a person acts, looks or presents themselves — you never quite know who they are. Unless you ask. And you listen.
Consider donating to a fundraiser that I will continue to host and contribute fresh pieces to public spaces that all people can enjoy and love. Love first.