TGE

TGE – Thanksgiving Eve. Also known as Thanks but Get me the Fuck Out of Here Eve.” Biggest party night of the year – great. Because I love oh so much to see all of the ratchets from my town in one single bar on one single night all pretending to love each other and “catch up” since the last time they did this a few weeks ago. UGH – sounds more like social suicide if you ask me.

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Old Faithful

 

Not that I’m trying to be a downer to a night of debauchery – because trust me – I will partake. I will be at the bar – I will go out with my friends. I will socialize with my (ex?) (sort of together?) (what are we?) (does anybody know because I sure don’t!) boy and my other ex and my other one too…OOPS.  I will probably say hi to people who I don’t like (against my will), just because I am “polite.” Not a fan of the awkwardness though – I’ll totally avoid a person and not speak to him/her just so I don’t have to deal with awkward conversations. Just saying – If we aren’t friends, we don’t need to have a fake catch up session for less than one minute while I pass by in a cramped hallway. However –  If I do care about you and we haven’t seen each other in a very long time – I will 100% have a QUICK catch up session with you, exchange phone #’s if we don’t already have them & I WILL FREAKING TEXT OR CALL YOU. AT A LATER DATE. Not on TGE at a bar with a million drunk people.

#ratchetbitches. You know the type. The girls who are probably younger than you – or around your age – could be older, which is REALLY very unfortunate for them — eek. They’re wearing a mini dress that you’d probably wear to a DJ Theo show in Atlantic City because – they’re not the type of girls that go to Vegas. You would never wear what’s in their closet to begin with. But they’re probably going to be wearing sparkles. Too short for the eye to even gather what is going on. They’ll also be wearing extremely high heels – probably sparkles. Oh and the major kicker is that they cannot walk in their heels either. And it’s not like the, “oh I just got this brand new pair of Brian Atwood’s that I haven’t quite gotten used to wearing yet.”  A better example is walking like it’s their 2nd-3rd day as little toddler baby. Clinging to anything and everything including YOU and your boyfriend while thinking they look sexy as F in their brand spankin’ new Forever21 pumps. Which are slicing the backs of their heels with every step, they’re already bleeding. Those shoes are coming off ASAP! OH – they also spilled half of their CRANBERRY x well vodka on your shoulder because OBVI they drink cranberry vodka and obvi they don’t know how to walk with a drink in hand. Silly girls – watch out for these! (I’ve been this girl once or twice ;o)  especially the falling type – shhhh!)

Whatever – I guess this is just like any other night out at the bar. Typical. But that is my main point here – like I do not see the big deal of TGE. Why does everyone care? I get it – everybody is off tomorrow for Thanksgiving so let’s all get super fucked up and eat turkey and mashed potatoes hungover the next day. BUT really?! I don’t see the glamour of TGE. I’ve never, ever liked doing anything that hoards of people think is “COOL.” Because if that many people think it’s cool – then it’s clearly already seen its day and it’s on its way out the door. It’s no longer cool to do the cool thing if everybody else is doing it. That means you’re normal. OVER normal. So over it. I mean – I get drunk on a Wednesday MTWTFSS anyway – what’s TGE going to do for me? Except make me wait about 3 minutes longer to order my drink from the bar.

So for all the Thanksgiving Eve lovers – get over yourself. Get over this “party holiday” and come back to reality. Start partying on weeknights on the regular – it will definitely make you feel better about yourself. Stop pretending like you give a shit about any of the random re-connects from high school that you’re going to see/fuck. And really – since you’re obviously going to go out anyway despite what me or anybody else tells you – suck it up – get really drunk (try to remember your night) or hopefully forget if it was that bad – don’t cry – smile at all of your haters – and live on your TGE like any other fucking Wednesday night. Let others look at you for all the right reasons – like because they’re jealous of your adorable dress & are wondering how you’re still standing up straight and are acting so poised after your 4th or 9th cocktail. It’s because your a BETCH. Get it girl, get ittttttttt.

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