Fight Back or Just Be Nicer…

If your goal is to “talk to me” or get my attention – like everything, there’s probably a right way and a wrong way to do it.

Right way does not include a threat or a disgruntled negative attitude as to why I have not talked to you in over a year (shade). That’s actually first on the list of “Ways to get a girl to be completely disgusted and never talk to you again”… Borderline harassment is probably the best way, though…NOT! (digression..)

So the next time you’re walking down the street and the creepy men that stare at you and say “Daayyyum” when you walk by or whisper “You’re beautiful mami” in your ear, or my ultimate favorite: “God Bless You!” (when its quite obvious I didn’t sneeze, but “thanks, you too!”) or do the elongated neck breaking stare that follows you down the street… (OMG run-on sentence)

I know — you first STOP and GAG yourself because this man typically looks like a foot and you’re obviously uninterested in the building superintendent, 5ft3 construction man or restaurant sidewalk sweeper that stands outside on the street… But YOU MUST RECOVER!

I used to feel unbearably uncomfortable by these people that I would try to avoid them at all costs— like cross the street quicker! Somehow this always ended up majorly fucking me over. Now I gave these creeps a better view to stare at my ass or make weird comments from afar – now other bystanders look…and I look even more stupid. Fuck me, right?!?! UGH… Then I would try to just walk a little faster. Also dumb, because then I looked like a T-Rex or a weird competitor of that Olympic walking activity  – all while wearing a dress and heels. AWKWARD. 

Instead of deciding whether or not I should make eye contact, do an awkward smile, walk away humiliated with a scowl on my face while 3 men (clearly a dog’s age or older) are staring at my ass and licking their lips with the extreme fallacy that they’re going to find out what’s underneath my clothes. No, sir. You aren’t! Regardless, I changed my attitude real quick…

I kind of take that age comment back – it has nothing to do with age – because 20-somethings do it, 30-somethings, 80-somethings. Age is irrelevant. It’s their occupation or rather their “non-occupation” – something I’ve titled the “STREET LURKER,” or “CORNER STANDER.” Definition: biggest creep on the block that somehow is always outside when I’m walking by. Don’t you have a job, dude? What the f…

Nowadays I march my ass right up to these motherfuckers every damn day with a friendly smile on my face. And I say hello to them. Every time. I say hello first. I don’t allow them to treat me like a “piece.” I don’t actually take their comments as compliments because I don’t think they’re usually meant as compliments. I basically try to make them feel like idiots. That’s a goal of mine on many forefronts. To make people who have made me feel like an idiot once; feel like an idiot for quite a few times after that. I’ve even learned their names. They don’t disrespect me anymore – or at least make me feel disrespected because now we’re “friends” – I mean, no we’re not – but at least I’m not just a girl that they can gawk and/or hoot at. They’ll just say hi back and it’s over. Until I go to lunch – and walk past a pile of different creeps.

It works though. Establish your domain. Don’t be touchable. When you make yourself unavailable to them on the level of respect – they’ll stop. It’s really not a confidence thing because I’ve got plenty of that – it’s more of a security thing – like “back up off me,” “you already know me so you have no reason to be rude to me,” and TBH, “please step the F away.”

Men at Lunch, 1932
Men at Lunch, 1932

Meanwhile as I’m walking toward my lunch spot, I quickly cross the road in anticipation of construction signs and a sidewalk blocked. Phew – avoided those guys!!! WIN. UNTIL I realize it is also their lunchtime…. and 26 (literally, not exaggerating at all – I fucking counted) construction worker men are sitting down (which is the worst because they now have a view from the below angle…pity) staring at me as I walk between Spring and Prince Streets. Really didn’t win that one at all, Ash. Never gonna see them again (hopefully) so it’s not like you can say hi to any of them – EVER. Epic fail.

You get the gist, be nice to the creeps. Just not too nice.  😉

Modern Day Photo "Men At Lunch"
Modern Day Photo “Men At Lunch”
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