Introducing a New Series on LifeLooksBetterinBlack.com
“The Black & The White”
Beautiful, successful & personable lifestyle blogger & jewelry designer, Danielle Rufrano of Dusk & Rubies and I will be going head to head every week debating on fun topics (fashion, etiquette & guys) that we’d love for all of our fab readers to ask us!
This week we’re tackling a HUGE question that I’ve been toying with for a little while. It’s kinda weird. It’s kinda standard though – like this has probably happened to you, RIGHT?!
Your BFF’s BF is hitting on you…
Now there are a few different scenarios that could possibly be going on so we’re going to touch on a few of them!
Danielle’s Take from Dusk & Rubies How would you react if your friend’s boyfriend/ ex-boyfriend is making a pass at you?
So, I think this is a great question. And, I am sure many people have been in this predicament before and have either been unsure of what to do, or played it by ear at the time and looked back on their actions and thought hmm maybe that wasn’t the best course of action. So let’s make this easy, I think there are very different rules/ etiquette to follow depending on whether or not this is your ex-boyfriend, your friend’s ex-boyfriend, or your friend’s current boyfriend.
1. Your friend’s boyfriend:
Oh jeez if we played by the rules of OTH we could be here for days explaining how Peyten and my girl, B Davis, stayed friends.Here is my rule of thumb, I have never, and will never date any of my friends ex-boyfriends. It’s just too messy in my opinion. When I say friends, I want to clarify I mean my best girlfriends like my Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha (if I were Carrie).I was very lucky that my best girlfriends all felt the same way and we all had extremely different tastes in guys. So, if your friend’s current boyfriend is being inappropriate then shut it down. Sometimes it may start out as joking around and innocent, but could gradually reach a level that makes you feel uncomfortable. So trust your instinct, shut it down, don’t even play, because it is not worth losing a friendship over. How to shut it down? Don’t laugh at his jokes (stupid I know, but effective). Don’t find him entertaining. Don’t sit close to him, or let him touch you even in a playful way. Once you become less fun to be around, less available he should get the picture.
2. Your ex-boyfriend:
This is a tricky one, because after you date someone for a long time there is bound to be lingering feelings. So first you have to be honest with yourself. Do you like the attention he is giving you? Are you unsure about your break-up? Does a part of you want to get back together? If you answered yes to any of these questions it is going to be hard to do what I suggest you do. If your ex-boyfriend has moved on to another girl and is talking to you then you need to move on too. You need to not be available to him and you need to disconnect as much as possible. If your ex-boyfriend is single then that’s a different story. I think being friends with an ex can hold a person back, can almost cripple and make it more difficult to find someone new/ move on in a new direction. I also don’t think it is fair to the new person you or he could be dating.
3. Your friend’s ex-boyfriend:
Oh Dylan McKay. Brenda wanted you, Kelly wanted you, I wanted you…the list goes on. So like I previously stated it is messy to date a guy your best girlfriend dated. Although we just eat this love triangle stuff up on TV, in real life it’s not that cool. In real life there could be lingering feelings between the two, there might be the occasional comparison drawn and chances are feelings are going to be hurt. Honestly, there is something about it that just gives me the creeps. Why would you want to date a guy your best friend dated? This is something I just don’t understand really at all, because what is he going to say that you’re better than her? Yeah, he will say that because he is an idiot which is a total turn off. Or, he’ll act like they were never together and never bring her up which is like sweeping the dirt under the rug and will only accumulate over time until your living in filth. My tip he is an ex for a reason, she’s your friend for a reason and it’s not even worth your time thinking about it.
So your friend’s boyfriend starts hitting on you… Ummm… weird!
Even worse – your boyfriend’s best friend starts tries to hook up with you. EW, bro – just because you don’t care about your best friend or me, doesn’t mean that I don’t! Yes, these things have happened to me.
What is one supposed to do when these crazy scenarios encompass your life?
You fucking run. You run fast and far. This is my advice, which has not always been my detailed experience. Read on…
What have I done in ridiculous situations like these? The total opposite of run. Somehow I’ve gotten caught up in the middle of exceptionally awkward and inappropriate situations either from being in the wrong place at the wrong time or having really creepy exes and people around me. I’ve done awfully mean things out if spite or to gain revenge to people who I don’t particularly like anymore. Because sometimes, I’m not the nicest. I’m not going to sugar coat my experiences and tell you that I’ve never done something “wrong.”
Once I took the time to specifically hook up with a guy knowing that an ex was watching just so that he saw. I know, I’m cold, sorry. Did it make me feel better about anything? Nope. Did I even care that much to begin with? Nope. Did it crush him? Yup. Did it make me look really dumb? Also, YUP.
I’ve had another situation where my boyfriend’s best friend thought it would be a great idea to make a pass at me. At the time of the action, I shrugged it off. But looking back – it was absolutely inappropriate and I should have went wild on him and made a scene a la current day Ashley Byrd. I’ll be polite – please don’t ever fuck with me, ever again, so help you God. Because if you do, prepare to live your life in the emminent state of hell that is: papercuts on every one of your fingers (with cardboard), your wifi dies just before you’re finished downloading something & then your phone also dies & all of the following things…jerk. What if your BEST friend’s current boyfriend makes a pass at you? This is where you never go. I’m talking your #’s 1-4 BFF4L’s. If it’s her ex boyfriend from 6th grade and they dated for 3 weeks, I don’t care what you do because it’s irrelevant. If she’s still holding on to that, she needs to get the fuck over it. If it’s her ex-boyfriend with a tricky past and he’s suddenly acting like he’s all about you – lose him – not worth it. If you’re not friends with the girl anymore or even if you are… and you meet the guy in much later situations under different circumstances, I don’t see the harm. BUT you need to make a really sincere and severe judgment call here. You move forward ONLY if it’s worth it. Like he better be marriage material “worth it”… I would hate to see you lose a good friend just for a random dude that isn’t going anywhere in life besides the Village Idiot of Patchogue, NY. Save it for the next guy!
If it’s a “CRUSH” that your friend has had for a long time, whether it’s noted or not known, this is again a tricky situation that you should feel out the pro’s & con’s. Mostly, I say you should go for it – especially if it’s a situation where your friend was never ever even involved with the guy. I mean, I’ve had a crush on Blake Lively for years but I’m not mad at Ryan Reynolds for asking her to marry him… 😉 (divorce, what?!) Sometimes I may say you should not get yourself involved in the slightest. Your call there though friend, be wise and take your time though.
If this is your #1 bestie and it’s a serious relationship – and you even consider this kinda crap – consider yourself no longer bestie’d. You’re done.