Over the past few weeks I’ve really been trying to establish my goals and my wants for the future.
“What do you want?” – every single person in my life…
This is the most difficult question I’ve ever been asked. I knowwwww – yet have no idea.
Positive thinking creates positive vibes. Positive actions, positive energy. People are more positive around me when I’m positive. Versus my typical “O negative” mentality. I’m trying to embrace the “B positive.” I’m talking about blood types and I’m really talking about personality characteristics.
Think about what you want, put effort into the thought and these things will begin to happen. Make a plan – put the plan into place. What you think about will eventually become a reality if you put your mind to it and see it through. Test it out, write it down, get it done. Come about.
You’re so easy going. You’re so fucking cool. You let things go because you’re not phased by the small shit. You have your shit together. You have a job that you “like” for the most part, and at least you’re making money. You surround yourself with people you love. You support yourself. You support and love the people around you. You get it. You’re inspirational. You’re willing to learn and grow. You’re single. You’re ready to be in an amazing relationship with a really awesome person except you’re unsure of yourself. You have nothing holding you back. Except yourself. Because you in fact, are: the cool girl.
The cool girl does really well in the beginning of a relationship. She does superb. She’s accepted so easily. She’s easily obsessed over because she established herself as the most amazing thing on this earth. She makes others feel at ease in her presence. She can hang in any situation with mostly any group of people. She treats others well, she can laugh at herself and she loves to laugh. She’s outgoing but not outlandish or outspoken. She listens when others speak. She says what she has to say. Says what she means but doesn’t say it mean. She’s rarely a bitch. She’s rarely “pissed off.” She’s genuine, you’d never really call her super nice, but she’s not mean at all. She’s cool.
This girl, my friends gets taken advantage of by men the most.
Girls who don’t give a fuck about men, get chased. Girls who care too much about men, get left behind. Girls who are cool, get mind fucked. On the regular. And suffer complete and utter relationship travesty.
The cool girl is at peace with the bro’s. She’s one with them. She gets it when the guys are having guy time. She lets them hang. She does her own thing. She hangs. She handles situations well. She’s not afraid to challenge a man. Or anyone. She does not fear telling other people how it is. She does not back down. She lets her guard down often enough. She eventually allows people into her life. She welcomes change. She loves her surroundings, and when she doesn’t – she changes. She’s the type of girl who hates the faux pax of doing girl things, but loves to do them anyway.
Cool girl gets played. She needs to stop. Stop trying to be the cool girl. It comes back and bites her. Cool girl gets judged, HARD. As soon as the cool girl reacts to something that her S.O. does in a negative way, she suddenly becomes the psycho girl. I’m talking a real reaction. It could be negative, could be positive, could be a little flustered, could be a normal as anything reaction. But since cool girl doesn’t make a big deal out of things, once she does – she’s immediately deemed psycho girl. Or she’s judged – like OMG why is she getting so worked up over this, it’s sooooo not a big deal.
Um, actually yes it is a big deal! “Cool guy” just isn’t used to cool girl reacting to things because she’s so fucking cool that she doesn’t need to react. So then, once she does react, “cool guy” feels entitled to judge cool girl on her less-than-regular reaction. And cool girl melts, because people she cares about are making her feel like she’s not the cool girl. When in reality she is still Miss Cool Girl. She needs to still be the cool girl, keep the cool girl confidence and let it go. When people can’t handle the cool girl, she must let them go. Only some people can handle her. Until then, cool girl should pour herself a glass of champagne and continue being cool, just not as cool to the uncool guy.
This is rough. Just remember that you have no idea what a person is going through at the very moment that you come in contact with them. You think they look tired, but that may just be how they look. Showing up somewhere hungover, okay…. Not even. But this is probably the biggest insult you can give another human being. I spend hundreds of $ per month on eye cream because some 75 year old prick told me “I looked tired” every morning when he saw me at 6:45AM when I was 19 years old. Thanks for that, dude.
2. Help people, and if you offer to help someone, follow through.
Be there for a person when you say you will be. Trustworthiness is major and it’s ok to go out of your way and never get a pat on the back for it. It’s more than OK to be awesome to somebody else and love every second of it. You Go, Glenn Coco!
3. Be kind to people who work in retail and food service.
Amen. When you’re being served, say please and thank you. When you’re a dick, you aren’t received well and people won’t like you. You get what you give out – firm believer.
4. Let someone know you’re not interested.
This can be harsh but I feel a much higher level of respect for myself after telling a person that although I’m flattered, I don’t want anything further. Also on the other end, (not to my recent experience) it’s much easier to hear a “not interested ,” then the lies and lead-on’s and all that goes along with that.
5. Actually “hang out sometime.”
How many times have you put off hanging out with a friend because it’s a little inconvenient? Because you have to travel across town to get there? Or you may not really want to specifically do what they’re doing? Really? Hey – it’s not as bad as you think, prob. Just do it. You may learn something or meet someone amazing. It’s worth it, trust.
6. Be a little more honest.
Life Motto: Honesty is the best policy. You get in far less trouble when you stay honest with yourself. A selfish thing to say… Obv. But when you’re honest with yourself, the honesty flows throughout your life. Treat others how you want to be treated. I feel like I’m stating kindergarten mottos and life lessons but they are the basics. Work on getting back there. Also, people tend to respect your opinions much more when they know it’s coming from the deep space between your brain and heart. Also it’s fucking simple – no need to make up lies or not tell people things that are necessary.
7. Stop calling each other mean names on the internet.
8. Send more letters (not emails) and gifts.
This requires being thoughtful. Monetary gifts mean close to nothing, whereas a handwritten note and a small meaningful gift really brings the smiles. It’s channeling the “thought that counts” movement. It’s kinda like the “don’t tell me, show me” vibes. Say thank you or hello or “I miss you” with a hand written note. It means so much more than an email or obviously nothing at all. People remember shit like that. And in the future usually will likely return the favor. People surprise you when they have good feelings. Treating someone well can bring very positive response into your future.
9. Give more genuine compliments.
“OMG, love your skirt! Where did you get it?” (That’s the ugliest F-ing skirt I’ve ever seen). – Mean Girls, obvi. If you have nothing nice to say, please just don’t say it at all. Yeah I’m saying this.. I know I sound like a #6 liar, oops. I don’t give compliments out unless I really mean them. Because I believe a firm compliment is much more kind then a random one all the time. Keep it up genuinely. Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.
10. Have more patience while waiting in lines.
No patience. No time. Always late. Always in a rush. I’ll be there in 5 minutes!! Time gets away from us. When things like this happen, practice a random act of kindness. Buy coffee for the person in line behind you. And PAY IT FORWARD!
How long does it take you to respond to a text sometimes? You stare and read, re-read, screenshot, ask for help… think some more.
FINALLY, press “Send.”
And the idiot you sent it to STILL does not understand exactly what you meant. You failed at getting your point across correctly. Tone is not conveyed through a text. And that sucks. Especially for an overly expressive individual like myself.
OK, so – if you’re planning on texting me in incomplete sentences that are not specific abbreviations or current/relevant words, YOU’RE OUT.
“Imma b @ da beach. How boutchu mamii?”
UMMMMMMMM… wait. Excuse me? How do you survive in society? Don’t ever send me a a text again. I don’t understand your 1990’s style of ghetto texting. Actually reminds me of that commercial with the dad saying shit like “mad cool” or “fresh” or something gross. You can only get away with that if you have swagger. Or if you’re very funny. Even then, it’s questionable. Highly unlikely.
This is the EXACT moment when you turn on your “Read Receipts” and “forget to answer” for a few days. He’ll know. Obvi – IGNORED. Obvi- get outta here. You know I’m not texting you back and you also now know why.
This post originally started off as a guest blog, but I have so much to say so it changed to a collaborative post featuring:
a dear friend and fellow “Queen Betch of Awkward Moments” Kelly Nolan (@kellynonoo).
What Can Go So Horribly Wrong When Texting:
What this world is missing is a Webster’s Dictionary for text message responses that can lead to complete awk-ness and mixed signals.
Let me start with my least fav, the “k”.
As the world has evolved to what it is in 2014, so has the “k”. There is now capital k, “K” and lower case k, “k” and if you’re me, you will literally respond to people as “k, capital” or “k, lowercase”.
Here’s the deal: The capital K is more of a hateful response. Like, once you receive that you should feel like you just got shanked. The lowercase k is more of a lazy response – it’s like you want to reply, but the “O” is just a stretch above that “k” and then adding the “a-y”, no way – you’d be too exhausted.
Next, let us discuss the period.
I’m all about the grammar life so like, use them at the end of a proper sentence. Don’t be sending random periods! It messes with both standard English and people’s emotions. If you’re sending a bitchy period that tells me that you, in fact have your period. Or if you’re a guy, a mangina and that’s what’s happening here. If you send multiple periods then you’re also very wrong. You look impatient, like your life is just depending on that person to answer. Pathetic-ness will be sent right along with that text. So, it’s for your best interest to stay away from those dots.
Last but not least is the oh so popular “lol”.
While “lol” is an easy go-to response for just about anything and everything, it is about 77% of the time a lie. Are you really “laughing out loud” when you send that text? When you’re in the bathroom or on line at the grocery store or at work on lunch with your co-workers around are you really laughing out loud for all to hear?
My other issue with the “lol” is that it has become such an easy response that we tend to use it even when things aren’t funny. This also leads to mixed messages! You’re either giving someone far too much credit by making them think they are funny when they are not… OR you’re just hyping up someone who’s already cocky and knows they are funny. So unless you are laying on the floor laughing out loud —try to refrain. And if you are well then hell, we should bring back ROTFLOL.
So betches, all I ask of you is to PLEASE stop and think about what you’re texting. Whether you see it or not you could be ruining relationships, your own life, etc. Keep calm and keep loving Ashley Byrd XO Kelly No
As many betches know, the difference between a “bestie” and a best friend is MAJOR.
My prob is that I tend to call many people my “bestie” and I just don’t want to give anybody the wrong idea here, so I’ll clarify.
A best friend holds a much stronger responsibility than a bestie. Yet a best friend can always be referred to as a bestie, no questions asked. On the other hand, some besties will never achieve the title of best friend no matter what they do.
Your best friend is that person – you know who they are and they know who they are. You can def, 100%, totes have more than 1 best friend in your life. And in different contexts for that matter. But one thing is for sureeee, they will ALWAYS have the same qualities. And usually in your mind, you know there is a 1st place holder. This person is your soulmate basically. They know you so well – like better than your future husband or wife because they have known you forever and you’ve spent far too much time together.
A bestie can be classified into various categories of people you know. A bestie can be a close friend, a regular friend, one of your betches, and the term can even be used as an endearing comment toward someone you like a lot but aren’t even that close with. WHY THE FUCK AM I WRITING ABOUT BESTS VS. BESTIES?!
A friend called me out on naming him a “bestie” this weekend and we started to compare. He told me I should make a Vennix Square…. UM?. ?. ?. Yup. WTF is that? It’s exactly what it sounds like. Brendan is an extremely intelligent individual, however – he is definitely the type who would know where roofies would come from. That guy. 😉 totes kidding, bestie! Whatever – a Vennix Square is the combination of a Punnet Square, Venn Diagram & a Rubik’s Cube. This does not make sense, whatsoever. But in short, he meant a Venn Diagram and I’ll try to explain.
In fact, his Venn Diagram is incorrect because nothing is actually being compared and should be drawn as listed below.
I’ll tell my besties everything, but I’ll tell my best friend WHY I told them everything.As always, it’s all about perception.
There’s a difference … and just because I name you as my bestie does NOT mean you don’t qualify as a best friend. You may be that. Or more.
Overall, bestie is simply a term of endearment that’s catchy and easy to use. And I’m obsessed with it.
The recent months have been among the best and most healthy times in my emotional life. (UGH, this blog is going to be annoying – I can tell already). Getting to know myself – really, really well. By myself. Loving myself. Learning about myself. Narcissistic, much?
Being single is grounds for gaining a significant amount of knowledge – about none other than, yourself.
Change is one of the scariest and challenging times in this beautiful life. Going for new things. I’m about that life. Change is a beautiful thing.
This week I embarked upon a brand new journey. I started working in NYC. I left my job of eleven (yes, that’s right 11! years). I honestly have not really left – I can’t leave something that’s THAT good. I am however, changing careers. I want to do something different, explore new and exciting territory. I don’t like weddings and that’s what my career was specialized in. Why work in an industry that you don’t love? If you don’t even love love?! Definite time for a change. A change in love. A love for myself – which is developing stronger and stronger as I type (lolz).
Considering myself an extremely loyal person – I will never let anybody tell me differently. This quote kind of struck me funny – I really am starting to see my “disloyal” changes as self-loving. I’m kind of really into the things that I’m loving right now.
I’m no longer into being unloved, being surrounded by people who don’t need me, or by people who don’t care about me to the fullest. Venturing out into the deep blue sea because I would really rather do that. I’m a firm believer of throwing myself into situations that are not comfortable. Hell – I do that every day of my life. I’m trying to teach myself that it’s better to feel uncomfortable for 8 seconds than to feel uncomfortable for years on end. Small bits of uncomfortable situations are worth it. They’re great for human growth. Starting to leave what has left me. Ready for what the unknown has to offer.
But I had to break this information up into 3 blog posts. Because I’m not about giving you all of the information easily. And for dramatic effect (see Part 2).
But this is how you’re going to make people GLAD to do what you want. They’re going to be begging you to do exactly what you want them to do.
Start off with compliments! Praise the person and appreciate what they’re doing for you. “You’re very beautiful, I really like the way that you do your eye makeup.” “Next time you’re doing it though, can you make sure to clean up the powder that’s left behind all over the sink?” It’s much easier to hear unpleasant things after you hear something positive about yourself.
Indirectly criticize. Don’t say a word to the idiot that isn’t doing his job at work. Do it for him… step right in and let him look on as you complete the task. Once he catches on that you’re there, acting on something – you let him finish. He will feel it – he’ll know what he did was wrong. He’ll respect you for not talking to him like an inferior, but allowing him to not do what he should have been doing. Reward people for their idiocy. Let them get away with it – but also let them KNOW they were an idiot. Change your “BUT’s” to “AND’s.” Failure is washed away. Get rid of the but – it changes the tone.
Talk about yourself (easy), but talk about your mistakes FIRST. It’s easy to criticize somebody – but also, think about WTF they know or don’t know. If you’re an expert (or you consider yourself one), other people don’t know as much shit as you do. OBVIOUSLY. So take it easy – and instead of making someone feel dumb with “WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT, IT’S ALL WRONG!” have some compassion. “OMG, I DID SOMETHING SO SIMILAR WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING THAT. ONCE I MESSED UP THIS ENTIRE THING… TRY THIS, IT’S HELPFUL!”
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.“Have you ever thought of…?” or “Do you think this would work…” Nobody likes to be barked at. Or be given orders. You definitely get what you want much easier if you give some options. You give opportunity to people to do things for themselves and it boosts self-esteem. It also removes the feeling of resentment.
If somebody sucks at something, let them do something that they’re actually good at. Don’t highlight the shitty job a person is doing. Take a minute and think of something that they do really well – sometimes it is not AT ALL whatever you want them to do. However, something completely different – sometimes better! Have that person do that – it will be better for them and embarrass them way less. This is “feel good shit” people!
“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.” Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Praise is what makes people better – positive reinforcement – not negative. Keep going!! Praise can truly change a person’s life. With a little bit of encouragement, a person can really go places. As for getting what you want, successful people make successful surroundings. You can really move mountains with a positive message in the life of a friend, colleague or subordinate. They’ll remember the feeling you left them with. Always. People are thirsty, quench their thirst.
Reputation – it’s all about a person’s reputation. Once you give somebody a really great reputation to live up to – they’re going to. You create a situation where you force a person to compare their own life back to themselves. Sometimes this is difficult to face, but ultimately, it’s rewarding. Great leading tactic, really. Let somebody live up to their previous self – it’s easy to give a bit of suggesting advice this way.
Encourage and make the shitty shit they did seem super easy to correct. It gives people the desire to improve. Please help them, do it for the greater good of the world.
Make the person happy to do exactly what you want them to do. Give them some reward or recognition. Don’t let them down but suggest cool things about it! Don’t give them the opportunity to not be excited about it. Your request should really make the other person have the idea that they will personally benefit. Consider what they will gain, and let them gain it.
“My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.” – Dale Carnegie
Based on: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
I’ve literally been doing research on why men cheat from the moment I started dating my first boyfriend (so, Kindergarten).
Obviously, never wanting to be cheated on, but knowing that it does in fact happen – I made sure I was exceptionally cool. Really easy-going, and not annoying to boys (or anyone for that matter). Main goal is to basically not act like a girl at all. Be like “one of the guys” without actually being weird or gross. Not forcing the “center of attention” look on myself. Not letting the little things become a big thing.
I give all of my girl friends very similar advice – to remain calm, cool and let shit go! Except when I’ve found myself in positions when I can’t let shit go – this has blown up in my face. Discovering why men cheathas been rough, but it’s all a part of growing up. Females cheat too, but I don’t care about that so save your opinions for another betch.
I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who is a Grade A, top of the line, high quality and respectable dude – also, a CHEATER.No names needed and specific situations never needed, but they happened and he’s real. This is what we’ve come up with. Enjoy or don’t.
Some men are never truly happy in their lives.
To these guys, happiness is a temporary feeling. Fleeting. There’s always this search for more or what’s next. So they mask their unhappiness through a variety of methods – drinking, drugs, gambling, and yes, womanizing.
Men at times are genuinely unhappy in their relationships and with themselves, which leads them to cheat. Chasing that temporary high or that good feeling in the beginning of a hook-up. Men are babies. They’re insecure and act immature.
Men want to be able to know “they’ve still got it” or they can still “pull a hot chick.”Congrat-u-fucking-lations? Good for you, bro. I guess? But when will it ever end? When will you feel secure enough with yourself that you don’t need to cheat on the one that you’re with just to prove to your friends or to yourself that you’ve still got it? If you do in fact, still have it – fucking keep it! People will know you still have it because you’ve kept the person that you’re with. And you’re cool because you’re confident, not cocky. You know when to fire punches and you also know when to roll with the punches. And if you choose to leave the person that you’re with, do it with some class and dignity and don’t look back.
Men cheat because their current girlfriend is boring. Or he can’t get over me. Leading a double life gets difficult after awhile so pick a team, dude!
Men don’t want to face the reality of their sexual incompetence and dealing with a new girl allows them to escape from their real life for a little while? (Disclaimer: Maybe for some, not Exhibit A…)
Cheating can be done in two forms: physical & emotional.
Ask any sane or better, insane betch what is worse? – The guaranteed response: emotional cheating. Cheating usually becomes emotional as soon as it happens more than once – sometimes not, but the physical isn’t what gets people so worked up about it.
Like – I don’t really care if you’re sleeping with another person. What I do care about is protecting myself (from whatever you may get or have from this other person). This is the scary part about cheaters. Like if you’re going to cheat or lie about what you’re doing with others, go right ahead and be a piece of shit liar. BUT you better fucking think about the literal danger that you may be putting somebody else in. STD. Immune system killers. I think about this all the time (maybe I’m paranoid) but I think everyone else is just dumb.
He doesn’t LOVE her anymore.
Bullshit. If you feel that strongly about not loving someone anymore, you should feel strongly enough to fucking tell them. This all comes down to the insecurity. Not feeling comfortable enough with yourself that you can’t break up with somebody is awful. Being with a person isn’t the end all – marriage is not always the end of the road. Love isn’t the end.
My question is whether or not cheaters evolve? Or will a guy be a cheater forever and ever, for the rest of his life so help him, God.
Here I’m going to provide you with a few quick tactics over 3 posts on
HOW TO: GET WHAT YOU WANT!
If you’re 100% DEVOTED to making something happen – you do not allow “No” to happen. It’s all about your approach. If you’re smart, you give the party you’re negotiating with some options – you will never allow the other party to win because you’re not giving them an option that you’re not going to gain at leastsomething… The options you give make the person decide which is the lesser of all evils for them of all of your options. Leave them with no choice but to pick their best option (potentially your shittiest option) which is still a win for you and at the worst a moderate loss for them. You don’t care about what they lose, but you want to be sure that they’re in fact gaining something as well.
People like to win. People like to feel good about themselves. You must make this happen. Talk to people about what they’re interested in – who cares if you don’t like Game of Thrones and they’re obsessed with it? Learn something ironic about Game of Thrones and talk to this person about it. Be interested, you’re getting ahead with them! I have no fucking clue what Game of Thrones is, BTW.
This is simple for betches who get what they want on a daily basis. If you cannot cope with the fact that you may not get what you want – you will learn exactly how to never have that happen to you. Ever again.
You manipulate people. It sounds messed up, but you do it in a way that they do not even realize it. You learn how to let people work for you.And still gain ground. You literally make people feel good about themselves. You make people feel like they’re really important (because they are…right?!). You butter them up a little bit – they’re guaranteed to be a little bit more willing to do something for you. I”m not talking about lying and cheating and stealing from people here. Become genuinely interested in people – it works! I’m talking about showing people how they’re gaining from what they’re doing by helping YOU!
Smile. Duh. It looks better on yaaa…
People think about themselves. Such an obvious thing here but REMEMBER A PERSON’S NAME!! It makes a huge difference and they’ll like you a lot for it. People put themselves first always (usually always, unless Mom’s)- so if what you’re asking of them will really benefit them in some way all whilst really benefiting you – they’re 100% going to do it. And you just won. And you just manipulated somebody in doing something for you. And you didn’t have to do it.
You LISTENED.Listening is key here – you need to let this person express their feelings and you need to feel compassion for this person and make them feel really great after talking to you. They’re going to want that great feeling again – they’ll be chasing that high. They’re going to want to spend time with you and be around you. You’re winning (they are too) but it doesn’t matter because you are.
“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” – Dale Carnegie
References from: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie