Forewarning Does NOT Make it OKAY!

Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.

“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”

It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…

Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.

Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?

Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.

UMMMMM…. WHAT?

Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?

GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”

Better Example:

Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?

Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.

Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!

End. Done. Clean break.

P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.

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photo credit: @crimebydesign

 

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The Cool Girl

You’re so easy going. You’re so fucking cool. You let things go because you’re not phased by the small shit. You have your shit together. You have a job that you “like” for the most part, and at least you’re making money. You surround yourself with people you love. You support yourself. You support and love the people around you. You get it. You’re inspirational. You’re willing to learn and grow. You’re single. You’re ready to be in an amazing relationship with a really awesome person except you’re unsure of yourself. You have nothing holding you back. Except yourself. Because you in fact, are: the cool girl.

The cool girl does really well in the beginning of a relationship. She does superb. She’s accepted so easily. She’s easily obsessed over because she established herself as the most amazing thing on this earth. She makes others feel at ease in her presence. She can hang in any situation with mostly any group of people. She treats others well, she can laugh at herself and she loves to laugh. She’s outgoing but not outlandish or outspoken. She listens when others speak. She says what she has to say. Says what she means but doesn’t say it mean. She’s rarely a bitch. She’s rarely “pissed off.” She’s genuine, you’d never really call her super nice, but she’s not mean at all. She’s cool.

This girl, my friends gets taken advantage of by men the most.

Girls who don’t give a fuck about men, get chased. Girls who care too much about men, get left behind. Girls who are cool, get mind fucked. On the regular. And suffer complete and utter relationship travesty.

The cool girl is at peace with the bro’s. She’s one with them. She gets it when the guys are having guy time. She lets them hang. She does her own thing. She hangs. She handles situations well. She’s not afraid to challenge a man. Or anyone. She does not fear telling other people how it is. She does not back down. She lets her guard down often enough. She eventually allows people into her life. She welcomes change. She loves her surroundings, and when she doesn’t – she changes. She’s the type of girl who hates the faux pax of doing girl things, but loves to do them anyway.

Cool girl gets played. She needs to stop. Stop trying to be the cool girl. It comes back and bites her. Cool girl gets judged, HARD. As soon as the cool girl reacts to something that her S.O. does in a negative way, she suddenly becomes the psycho girl. I’m talking a real reaction. It could be negative, could be positive, could be a little flustered, could be a normal as anything reaction. But since cool girl doesn’t make a big deal out of things, once she does – she’s immediately deemed psycho girl. Or she’s judged – like OMG why is she getting so worked up over this, it’s sooooo not a big deal.

Um, actually yes it is a big deal! “Cool guy” just isn’t used to cool girl reacting to things because she’s so fucking cool that she doesn’t need to react. So then, once she does react, “cool guy” feels entitled to judge cool girl on her less-than-regular reaction. And cool girl melts, because people she cares about are making her feel like she’s not the cool girl. When in reality she is still Miss Cool Girl. She needs to still be the cool girl, keep the cool girl confidence and let it go. When people can’t handle the cool girl, she must let them go. Only some people can handle her. Until then, cool girl should pour herself a glass of champagne and continue being cool, just not as cool to the uncool guy.

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The Apology

“It’s a shame that at some point people developed the belief that apologies make you look weak.” – LD

Sometimes Facebook inspires me. I know, right?! Who AM I? But this quote really struck me and as soon as I read it my mind started moving – a million miles a minute.

sorry

Apologizing is really difficult. There are times where I should have apologized or excused myself but I failed to do so because I felt like I looked dumb. I’m afraid this happens to a lot of us and we’re too afraid to admit it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am by no means “team sorry” at all. Too many “I’m sorry’s” turns it into a meaningless statement that nobody appreciates or believes.

When people say “I’m sorry” as a form of endearment (vomit), I literally would prefer to rip their heads off their skulls than ever listen to their voice again…
Example:
Me: (complaining voice) “I don’t know what to do on Saturdaaaaaaay.”
Rando: “I’m sorry.”
Me: face of disgust (I’m not going to give you the feeling of accomplishment by saying “you don’t need to be sorry – nothing you did” because OBVIOUSLY! Like duh it’s not your fault. Why don’t you have a conversation instead of that closed ended response of I’m sorry. Ugh don’t speak to me ever I’m walking away now – bye.
“Yeah.”

Thanks for nothing, bro.

Apologizing has gotten the stigma of making people look weak. Especially in the workplace.

In families and intimate relationships, I’m sorry is a statement that gets overused and abused. Or worse, not used at all.

You expect your parents to do so much for you and they have done a lot for you since your birth YET you get frustrated and annoyed with them and forget to say please and thank you. Or apologize for when you forget. Even friends or boyfriends & girlfriends take the brunt of the over-apology, the non-apology, the fake-apology or the no-apology-at-all.

At work or with superiors is where I feel the apology has taken a back seat. As an employee, you don’t want to feel like a major IDIOT so you don’t apologize. You don’t want to let your boss think that you are making excuses. Which maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. However – it’s all in the presentation.

Boss: “You missed this entire report it should have been sent out yesterday. Now it won’t be there in time and we’re going to be in deep shit!”

Wrong response #1: Oops, Sorry!
Wrong response #2: (Do nothing & slowly scurry back to your desk).
Wrong response #3: Well, ya see – the reason why I didn’t do that is because I was waiting for Johnny to give me the correct answer and he didn’t respond to any of my emails.

Correct response: I apologize for not being thorough and completing this. I’ll work on it immediately and get it out by courier today so to will arrive immediately. Anything else that you’d suggest?

Bottom line is – be aware of your words and take initiative to face your mistakes and overcome them by apologizing for what was wrong in the situation.

Go back to your roots! By that I mean, Pre-School! I also need to get back to my roots meaning my roots specialist aka hair girl, because they’re in desperate need of some TLC.

In the meantime, Say you’re Sorry’s, Thank You’s and Your Welcome’s! Please do not believe that an apology makes you weak – WORK it, MAKE it, DO it, makes us Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. -Kanye ❤