No Shave

No-Shave November is the equivalent to the “basic bitch” of being a dude.

Maybe it’s the basic betch of months…

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No-Shave November has become so popular in recent years that it’s completely and utterly “basic bro.”

Some men do it for “the cause,” but most guys just do it because they think it’s cool, which is lame, IMO. Pay up or give up. Put up or shut up. Beard up, bro’s.

If you are in fact a bearded man 365, you typically despise this yearly tradition because it takes away from your hard manly work of maintaining your rad beard every day of the year. For the men who can’t grow beards, this is a funny month for you because yours look so scarce. Mostly men just look a little bit dirtier all around and the competition becomes steep among friends.

Through trying to prove your manhood to each other,  you in turn become very “chick-like”… doing things like comparing beard thickness and length to other dudes, sometimes for $, and very concerned about your overall appearance. You post selfies with your new beard. You even start drinking PSL’s seems pretty freakin’ basic to this betch. Get your shit together men, no shave November or not – keep on smiling your bearded face and be extra nice to the females in your life.

Because you have all now entered the real-time role of:

 “basic betch-dom.”

Welcome, basics. Get after it. And always remember, “If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis!”

Basics, Clearly.

Having the feeling I’ve lowered my standards to a “basic” lately and I’m vomiting in my mouth a little bit because of it. I think it’s because I have too much going on right now. Great excuse…

I’m a firm believer that you can be the most simple or “basic” looking person and be the least basic when it comes down to style, reality, and lifestyle.

If you haven’t heard the term basic bitch, you’ve been living under a rock but I’ll humor you anyway. A basic is somebody who is just very typical. And with that being said, I don’t really think it’s an insult to be basic. Some may argue that I’m exceptionally basic right now. Basic is standard. It’s typical. It’s what you expect. Does that make it wrong? No. Does that make it boring? No. Does that make it “over”? No.

In fact, upon reflection – many people I know and love are just that – basic.

Just because you’re basic does not mean you suck. Although basic gets a very bad rep and a very bad connotation.

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Amazing tote from AMO Studios

Basics are amongst some of my favorite tangible items. Black t shirts. Black skinny pants. Crisp white button downs. LouisV bags.

All people have a different definition of basics too. Like each genre of people or category of status has their own level of “basic.”

Basics drink White Zinfandel (& enjoy it!) or Pinot Grigio (again, I like this – but very typical of a female). They LOVE their wine – and they let you know about it. They’re teachers. They drink Starbucks. They love Alex and Ani. They Instagram food. But like, basic food and their captions suck. They post far too many selfies. They put a pic on Instagram EVERY SINGLE TIME they go out – so like, you know they’re having fun. WE GET ITTTTTTT. As she falls over in her sparkly platform pumps that’s she’s awful at walking while wearing. If she’s “in a relationship,” her boyfriend/husband is AH-MAZING and she’s not afraid to share with the world all of the great things he does & buys for her. If she’s “single,” oh hot DAYUM is she single. She posts quotes on Instagram every day to let the world know that no man could EVERRR be as great to her as her girlfriends are OR as she is to herself. #PREACH, sista! They are girls who do everything a girl is “supposed to do.” That’s the reason why I don’t consider myself basic at all times, although guilty on occasion. Because I really do genuinely hope and strive to be the opposite of what you think. I hope to “throw you off” very frequently. I hope to have you know to never expect typical shit from me. I hope to be accepted as a “basic” on my own terms, however be known to be as non-basic and badass as I want to be.

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Basic Betch at the Beach Photo. #HOTDOGLEGS

This is why I’m basic… Since I’ve been living on LI and commuting to NYC over the past 3 months, I’ve adapted quite a basic sense of commuter life train style. It’s the living worst.

I legit cannot deal with running sprinting for LIRR trains in heels. Literally 1/4 to 1/2 miles… Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not wearing Asics with a dress & tights, but like. Flats. Flat sandals. IDK, boring. No Loubs in sight. I’m also carrying several bags (gotta pack that lunch)…which is weird. I have become my version of a basic bitch. Which is me. Just like…before I knew better. All of the basics out there learn what’s better or cooler eventually. That’s when they upgrade. It’s basically when you get tired of your old shit because everybody else has it or it’s just “done.”

I’m wearing my Longchamp Le Pliage shopping size bag every. damn. day. What?! The same bag every day?! I know. At least it’s black, but still Ash. Get your shit together.

Perhaps I’m too judgey on myself. But like – when you know the difference between basic and epic, you can’t help but care.

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I’ve been rotating between the same 3 pairs of flat sandals during the summer months as well. Maybe I’m having these feelings of disgust and disdain because it’s toward the end of summer and I’m anticipating wardrobe change shortly, yet not participating in it quite yet…

Betches – you can all be as non-basic as you want. Embrace who you are and F the basic bitch haters. AKA basics stand up. But really, go sit down.

I, ashleybyrdy do hereby pledge to stop wearing boring sandals, skinny pants and J.Crew dresses with a Longchamp bag to work every day. I do hereby accept the fact that I’m not a basic, however have been dressing (maybe even behaving) moderately basic recently. And I will do better. Amen.

xX

‘Grammin Play by Play

Instagram Posting Laws

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How often is too often? How do you want your top 9 to look? Top 9 isn’t a thing – I just want it to be – it’s basically the 9 photos that you can immediately see if you check on a person’s Instagram page on the graph mode (photo below).

Can’t post 2 selfies in a row. Or 2 food pics on a row. Or 2 of the same thing in a row. You need to create a nice balance.

Order of the 9 photos that are seen by everyone on your insta home page:

1. Random piece of furniture.
2. Selfie
3. Delicious/pretty looking food
4. Best friends doing something cool.
5. Scenery pic
6. TBT
7. Quote/words – (girls lol)
8. Dog
9. Somewhere I went with a geotag

follow me, silly!
follow me, silly!

WOMP. Basic bitch. See basics. Everything noted above is basic, LOL. #GUILTY! So basic Ash, SO. BASIC.

 

This is law for increasing likes: if you post a photo of a parent, your likes increase. Especially parents doing funny things. Like dad’s. Or grandparents –  they rule. If you post a photo of your dog, and you don’t do this daily, likes increase. Life event (engagement, graduation, job, other shit) likes increase. Cute baby that isn’t yours (or maybe is) that you also don’t upload daily (so people are excited to see it) increase. Hysterical meme of friend doing something ridiculous. Bonus points if it’s a guy. And if he’s not wearing a shirt.

Timing is everything. How you time a photo can be it’s make or break point. People open Instagram when they’re laying in bed in the morning, on lunchtime, after work and before bed. PRETTY MUCH ANYTIME, BUTTTTT BEST times to post: Weekdays: 545am12:45pm5pm,9pm. Weekends: 9am, 3-5pm.

Hashtags in the caption. Don’t do this with over 5 hashtags – it’s your hard limit. A few are okay. Bonus if they’re funny. And go well with what you’re saying. Minus points for spelling errors. And not capitalizing every new word #becauseidontalwaysknowwhatthismeansorwhenwordsendorbegin

See how annoying that is? If you absolutely MUST hashtag, do it in the comments.

How many filters on that shit betch? We know your skin doesn’t look that dull. Or that orange. So stop!

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Why is Kelvin even a thing? And if you use it, consider us no longer friends.
Yes, I base friendships off of Kelvin, it’s a unit of measure.

Your screenshot of iMessage convo isn’t funny. I’m sorry inside jokes are very difficult to get across on Instagram. If it’s not funny for everyone, your likes aren’t gonna be there. No recognition. Because even if I see your funny thing- which could be blatantly funny – I may not like it because I’m like “hmm what’s that about or who’s that about?” I’m too lazy to think about it and Im gonna scroll right by.

You already knew this I would imagine – I’m giving a quick refresher for all of the annoying posters on Instagram. MYSELF INCLUDED.

I know I could unfollow. But it’s not worth it because it’s just too funny to continue to follow people. Entertainment is what it’s all about and I like funny shit. I also like regular shit. Like uploading a picture of ugly ass shit because I mean… It’s funny.

Having a bad day? Bored? Obvi on Insta. Those moments are the reason we keep following those train wrecks. Nothing can perk your mood better than not double tapping a super ratchet selfie of a person you don’t know but wish you never found out existed (mostly bitches). There is hardly any quicker mood fix (aside from a cocktail or Adderall – but let’s be real, they’re not as easily accessible at your 9-5).

Hate someone? Want to hate them more? Stalk them from your friends page since they have already blocked you (they are also a hater). This can be detrimental to your health. Seeing that your life is way more tres chic is obvi a + (positive). When they do something cool that you kinda sorta wish you were doing (almost never), this is a – (negative). #InstagramSideEffectsAreREAL! 

Wondering where that guy that isn’t texting you back is? Good thing his friends non-chalantly (spelling ?) added you on Instagram that one time you met them. Because now you can peruse their Insta’s to see if he is in fact someone you should be wasting your cellular data on.

Otherwise, keep grammin and follow the rules.

xo

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GRAMMED, GRAMMIN!