Basics, Clearly.

Having the feeling I’ve lowered my standards to a “basic” lately and I’m vomiting in my mouth a little bit because of it. I think it’s because I have too much going on right now. Great excuse…

I’m a firm believer that you can be the most simple or “basic” looking person and be the least basic when it comes down to style, reality, and lifestyle.

If you haven’t heard the term basic bitch, you’ve been living under a rock but I’ll humor you anyway. A basic is somebody who is just very typical. And with that being said, I don’t really think it’s an insult to be basic. Some may argue that I’m exceptionally basic right now. Basic is standard. It’s typical. It’s what you expect. Does that make it wrong? No. Does that make it boring? No. Does that make it “over”? No.

In fact, upon reflection – many people I know and love are just that – basic.

Just because you’re basic does not mean you suck. Although basic gets a very bad rep and a very bad connotation.

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Amazing tote from AMO Studios

Basics are amongst some of my favorite tangible items. Black t shirts. Black skinny pants. Crisp white button downs. LouisV bags.

All people have a different definition of basics too. Like each genre of people or category of status has their own level of “basic.”

Basics drink White Zinfandel (& enjoy it!) or Pinot Grigio (again, I like this – but very typical of a female). They LOVE their wine – and they let you know about it. They’re teachers. They drink Starbucks. They love Alex and Ani. They Instagram food. But like, basic food and their captions suck. They post far too many selfies. They put a pic on Instagram EVERY SINGLE TIME they go out – so like, you know they’re having fun. WE GET ITTTTTTT. As she falls over in her sparkly platform pumps that’s she’s awful at walking while wearing. If she’s “in a relationship,” her boyfriend/husband is AH-MAZING and she’s not afraid to share with the world all of the great things he does & buys for her. If she’s “single,” oh hot DAYUM is she single. She posts quotes on Instagram every day to let the world know that no man could EVERRR be as great to her as her girlfriends are OR as she is to herself. #PREACH, sista! They are girls who do everything a girl is “supposed to do.” That’s the reason why I don’t consider myself basic at all times, although guilty on occasion. Because I really do genuinely hope and strive to be the opposite of what you think. I hope to “throw you off” very frequently. I hope to have you know to never expect typical shit from me. I hope to be accepted as a “basic” on my own terms, however be known to be as non-basic and badass as I want to be.

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Basic Betch at the Beach Photo. #HOTDOGLEGS

This is why I’m basic… Since I’ve been living on LI and commuting to NYC over the past 3 months, I’ve adapted quite a basic sense of commuter life train style. It’s the living worst.

I legit cannot deal with running sprinting for LIRR trains in heels. Literally 1/4 to 1/2 miles… Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not wearing Asics with a dress & tights, but like. Flats. Flat sandals. IDK, boring. No Loubs in sight. I’m also carrying several bags (gotta pack that lunch)…which is weird. I have become my version of a basic bitch. Which is me. Just like…before I knew better. All of the basics out there learn what’s better or cooler eventually. That’s when they upgrade. It’s basically when you get tired of your old shit because everybody else has it or it’s just “done.”

I’m wearing my Longchamp Le Pliage shopping size bag every. damn. day. What?! The same bag every day?! I know. At least it’s black, but still Ash. Get your shit together.

Perhaps I’m too judgey on myself. But like – when you know the difference between basic and epic, you can’t help but care.

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I’ve been rotating between the same 3 pairs of flat sandals during the summer months as well. Maybe I’m having these feelings of disgust and disdain because it’s toward the end of summer and I’m anticipating wardrobe change shortly, yet not participating in it quite yet…

Betches – you can all be as non-basic as you want. Embrace who you are and F the basic bitch haters. AKA basics stand up. But really, go sit down.

I, ashleybyrdy do hereby pledge to stop wearing boring sandals, skinny pants and J.Crew dresses with a Longchamp bag to work every day. I do hereby accept the fact that I’m not a basic, however have been dressing (maybe even behaving) moderately basic recently. And I will do better. Amen.

xX

Indecision, Clothes Edition.

Tucked or untucked? Tied or loose? Black or brown? This one or that one? Left or right? Over or under? Jacket or no jacket….maybe sweater? Ugh, it’s so hot out though!!

Indecision with what to wear (amongst many other things) is my biggest asset/flaw/major waste of time. I’m constantly asking for opinions from others, and after they tell me it “looks good,” I continue to change my clothes. 3-7 more x’s… They obviously just want me to finish getting ready because I take basically forever to get dressed when given the opportunity.

Like many women, I have the ability to accidentally wake up 45 minutes later than usual (for work) and still arrive earlier than I could have on a day I woke up on time, even early.

So this means…poor time management while getting dressed and ready? Poor dress/attire prep? Whatever – nobody even knows the difference. People who are similar to me know the difference… but the general public (ew) does not.

Point is…if you’re spending time, you may as well get it together completely.

For dressing/styling myself & others, I’m extremely honest. So if I tell you “it’s appropriate” or “it looks great,” trust. Unless you’re just uncomfortable, then change. Simple.

A Few Rules of Thumb…

1. Always keep your hair down unless it absolutely needs to go up. Even after that, take it down. Some waves in your hair look great if you can put them back in a small clip (for when you have a crease or bump in your hair).

2. Black is always slimming (for when you’re having a “fat” day). Also, people notice it less… or, even better, remember it less – so it’s great for going under the radar.

3. Don’t listen to anybody but yourself. Trust yourself. Whenever I want to wear something questionable and a friend advises against it, but I wear it anyway – I get a lot of compliments. Maybe it’s in my head, but it definitely happens.

4. Dress appropriate for occasions. I’m a major disturber of peace. Sneakers with a very dressy dress to a very divey beer bar? Perfect. Casual the crap out of an awesome dress. You can totes repurpose a dress you’d likely not wear again because of photos you are in or because you feel like don’t have a place to wear it…. YOU DO!

5. Remember to get back what you lend out! Nothing worse than going to grab the perfect blazer you need to tie your outfit together and it isn’t right there hanging in your closet. And you remember your bestie has it and she’s away for the weekend. Bummer.

6. Be willing to not be so standard. (See, basic betch). I’m def not talking about wearing “bright orange pairs of pants,” Billy Joel…but I am talking about: bold lips and bold shoes. So… “bright orange pair of lips!” ;o) If you’re thinking, “SHOULD I?!?!” Yes. Yes you should. Go for it a little bit.

7. Always go for polished over sloppy. You have plenty of time to be sloppy. In the comfort of your own home. In bed. In front of your family. When you’re 5 years old… Time and place people! It’s always better to be overdressed than under dressed. Because then you’re left feeling great about yourself instead of feeling like shit about yourself. Self-esteem boosters, duh.

Monkey See, Monkey Do. BYE MONKEY.

If Everyone is Doing IT – WHY are we Not OVER IT, yet? 

Personally speaking (as if I ever speak non-personally) – I don’t like things that “the masses” like. Except pizza.

pizza pizza.

I’ve never had a Pandora bracelet, never owned an MK watch (OK, there was that one I received as a gift from an ex and returned – SORRY, Bradley!). I never fell into the Alex and Ani trend (though I do have 1 – gifted, obv and I suppose it’s sorta meaningful at least) and I NEVER wear it. I keep it out for show – in my messy room…

I’m not talking fashion trends – DUH! I obviously participate in those if I like them. I’m talking worldwide, phenomena trends where shit is soooooo accessible that water is a more difficult commodity to attain.

What I’m talking about is a perfectly prepared @Instagram photo.

Why are we not over the fact that people literally put things in specific, unnatural positions to take pictures of them?!?! Just to get “likes” <3 on them? I’m not talking a detail shot – that’s totes normal. I’m not talking an amazingly beautiful backdrop. I’m talking like setting up a pair of shoes, next to a glass of champagne and a magazine, and your gorgeous new Cartier bracelet. That is fucking weird… because although you can argue that all of those things “go together,” THEY JUST DON’T… and furthermore, why are you positioning all of them together to photograph them to share on your Instagram? Are you a magazine? No, you’re a regular person. And I’m over you. Bye.

Shoes. Flowers. Books. I mean…… c'mon.
Shoes. Flowers. Books. I mean…… c’mon.

 

Great Skyline Background. Purse. Champagne. Magazine. Yeah, because that's very normal.
Great Skyline Background. Purse. Champagne. Magazine. Yeah, because that’s very believable.

I’m just very over this. It’s verrrrrrrry fashion blogger. I guess I follow too many of them, that’s why I’m over it. But like – get a grip. It’s not real. It’s all fake life. I’m done with this rant. <3

*All photos from a random Twitter handle that I forgot (from very long ago, may not even exist anymore!) sorry for non-creds!

‘Grammin Play by Play

Instagram Posting Laws

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How often is too often? How do you want your top 9 to look? Top 9 isn’t a thing – I just want it to be – it’s basically the 9 photos that you can immediately see if you check on a person’s Instagram page on the graph mode (photo below).

Can’t post 2 selfies in a row. Or 2 food pics on a row. Or 2 of the same thing in a row. You need to create a nice balance.

Order of the 9 photos that are seen by everyone on your insta home page:

1. Random piece of furniture.
2. Selfie
3. Delicious/pretty looking food
4. Best friends doing something cool.
5. Scenery pic
6. TBT
7. Quote/words – (girls lol)
8. Dog
9. Somewhere I went with a geotag

follow me, silly!
follow me, silly!

WOMP. Basic bitch. See basics. Everything noted above is basic, LOL. #GUILTY! So basic Ash, SO. BASIC.

 

This is law for increasing likes: if you post a photo of a parent, your likes increase. Especially parents doing funny things. Like dad’s. Or grandparents –  they rule. If you post a photo of your dog, and you don’t do this daily, likes increase. Life event (engagement, graduation, job, other shit) likes increase. Cute baby that isn’t yours (or maybe is) that you also don’t upload daily (so people are excited to see it) increase. Hysterical meme of friend doing something ridiculous. Bonus points if it’s a guy. And if he’s not wearing a shirt.

Timing is everything. How you time a photo can be it’s make or break point. People open Instagram when they’re laying in bed in the morning, on lunchtime, after work and before bed. PRETTY MUCH ANYTIME, BUTTTTT BEST times to post: Weekdays: 545am12:45pm5pm,9pm. Weekends: 9am, 3-5pm.

Hashtags in the caption. Don’t do this with over 5 hashtags – it’s your hard limit. A few are okay. Bonus if they’re funny. And go well with what you’re saying. Minus points for spelling errors. And not capitalizing every new word #becauseidontalwaysknowwhatthismeansorwhenwordsendorbegin

See how annoying that is? If you absolutely MUST hashtag, do it in the comments.

How many filters on that shit betch? We know your skin doesn’t look that dull. Or that orange. So stop!

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Why is Kelvin even a thing? And if you use it, consider us no longer friends.
Yes, I base friendships off of Kelvin, it’s a unit of measure.

Your screenshot of iMessage convo isn’t funny. I’m sorry inside jokes are very difficult to get across on Instagram. If it’s not funny for everyone, your likes aren’t gonna be there. No recognition. Because even if I see your funny thing- which could be blatantly funny – I may not like it because I’m like “hmm what’s that about or who’s that about?” I’m too lazy to think about it and Im gonna scroll right by.

You already knew this I would imagine – I’m giving a quick refresher for all of the annoying posters on Instagram. MYSELF INCLUDED.

I know I could unfollow. But it’s not worth it because it’s just too funny to continue to follow people. Entertainment is what it’s all about and I like funny shit. I also like regular shit. Like uploading a picture of ugly ass shit because I mean… It’s funny.

Having a bad day? Bored? Obvi on Insta. Those moments are the reason we keep following those train wrecks. Nothing can perk your mood better than not double tapping a super ratchet selfie of a person you don’t know but wish you never found out existed (mostly bitches). There is hardly any quicker mood fix (aside from a cocktail or Adderall – but let’s be real, they’re not as easily accessible at your 9-5).

Hate someone? Want to hate them more? Stalk them from your friends page since they have already blocked you (they are also a hater). This can be detrimental to your health. Seeing that your life is way more tres chic is obvi a + (positive). When they do something cool that you kinda sorta wish you were doing (almost never), this is a – (negative). #InstagramSideEffectsAreREAL! 

Wondering where that guy that isn’t texting you back is? Good thing his friends non-chalantly (spelling ?) added you on Instagram that one time you met them. Because now you can peruse their Insta’s to see if he is in fact someone you should be wasting your cellular data on.

Otherwise, keep grammin and follow the rules.

xo

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GRAMMED, GRAMMIN!