Refresh, Re-Haul: Disorganization at its Finest

Messy room always. It’s unfortunately my MO. But I really want to say modus operandi because I like Latin phrases. At any given time, I have clothing, shoes, purses, papers, money, lipgloss, mail, magazine clippings, photos, pens, Fiji water strewn all over my bed & room. Sounds pretty gross, huh? I mean… it’s not always bad – it’s just my own level of organized chaos.

Like I just don’t enjoy hanging up my clothes. Or putting them in drawers. Unless I have company. The problem is that I have too many belongings and not enough space to store them in. The drawers? They’re all full, I promise. Organization is something I lie to myself about – like I tell people I’m organized, so does everyone? Don’t they? It’s a desirable quality, correct? I don’t own this quality by any means – oops. I’m going to stop lying to myself and own up to my disorganization and masked methods of chaos.

When I get home from work at 11:00PM and I have to be up at 5:45AM the next day, I’ll  typically fall fast asleep half clothed with tons of clothes and/or shoes sprawled over my bed. They’re clean (usually) – they were probably just my potential outfits from this morning. And whatever book I was reading earlier that day, and my Macbook because I had to look something up real quick before I went to sleep, and the mail that I have to look at tomorrow morning while I have some time on the train or subway. But I like all of those things, so it’s OK for me to snuggle with that stuff. I don’t mind it. If I’m really feeling cluttered, I’ll easily move those things to a nice little section on my desk or leather bench or chair. I know exactly where everything is (MOST OF THE TIME!) and if I don’t know, I have at least 3-4 other locations on deck to check where it could potentially be located.

If what I’m looking for is not there, it’s because I didn’t look hard enough. Because when I look for the 2nd time, I always find it. Now that I’ve admitted that I’m completely unorganized in my organized bliss of a life – I am finally settling in to the fact that I’m going to be like this forever and ever. I clean my room once or twice a week – hang up all the clothes, line up the shoes, fold the unworn clothes or send them back to the dry cleaner, organize the papers and “file” them. And then later on that day, I re-start the process.

Collapsed Closet - Due to the Excessive Amount of Clothes. #FML
Collapsed Closet Circa March 2014 – Due to the Excessive Amount of Clothes. #FML

I would love to be Carrie Bradshaw-esque and store my clothing in the oven, but unlike that betch, I actually like to cook. I’m actually completely lying (again) – I can’t remember the last time I used the inside of the oven. I’d just be scared that using the stovetop would somehow make the stuff inside burn and go up in flames. Freakout!

My chaos is renewable. It’s refreshable.

I want to know how it feels to have no belongings nor keep any of your things easily accessible or on display?

I really want to know how it feels to not be a mess. This will be re-visited… time to donate… who wants my stuff?!

Advertisements

Indecision, Clothes Edition.

Tucked or untucked? Tied or loose? Black or brown? This one or that one? Left or right? Over or under? Jacket or no jacket….maybe sweater? Ugh, it’s so hot out though!!

Indecision with what to wear (amongst many other things) is my biggest asset/flaw/major waste of time. I’m constantly asking for opinions from others, and after they tell me it “looks good,” I continue to change my clothes. 3-7 more x’s… They obviously just want me to finish getting ready because I take basically forever to get dressed when given the opportunity.

Like many women, I have the ability to accidentally wake up 45 minutes later than usual (for work) and still arrive earlier than I could have on a day I woke up on time, even early.

So this means…poor time management while getting dressed and ready? Poor dress/attire prep? Whatever – nobody even knows the difference. People who are similar to me know the difference… but the general public (ew) does not.

Point is…if you’re spending time, you may as well get it together completely.

For dressing/styling myself & others, I’m extremely honest. So if I tell you “it’s appropriate” or “it looks great,” trust. Unless you’re just uncomfortable, then change. Simple.

A Few Rules of Thumb…

1. Always keep your hair down unless it absolutely needs to go up. Even after that, take it down. Some waves in your hair look great if you can put them back in a small clip (for when you have a crease or bump in your hair).

2. Black is always slimming (for when you’re having a “fat” day). Also, people notice it less… or, even better, remember it less – so it’s great for going under the radar.

3. Don’t listen to anybody but yourself. Trust yourself. Whenever I want to wear something questionable and a friend advises against it, but I wear it anyway – I get a lot of compliments. Maybe it’s in my head, but it definitely happens.

4. Dress appropriate for occasions. I’m a major disturber of peace. Sneakers with a very dressy dress to a very divey beer bar? Perfect. Casual the crap out of an awesome dress. You can totes repurpose a dress you’d likely not wear again because of photos you are in or because you feel like don’t have a place to wear it…. YOU DO!

5. Remember to get back what you lend out! Nothing worse than going to grab the perfect blazer you need to tie your outfit together and it isn’t right there hanging in your closet. And you remember your bestie has it and she’s away for the weekend. Bummer.

6. Be willing to not be so standard. (See, basic betch). I’m def not talking about wearing “bright orange pairs of pants,” Billy Joel…but I am talking about: bold lips and bold shoes. So… “bright orange pair of lips!” ;o) If you’re thinking, “SHOULD I?!?!” Yes. Yes you should. Go for it a little bit.

7. Always go for polished over sloppy. You have plenty of time to be sloppy. In the comfort of your own home. In bed. In front of your family. When you’re 5 years old… Time and place people! It’s always better to be overdressed than under dressed. Because then you’re left feeling great about yourself instead of feeling like shit about yourself. Self-esteem boosters, duh.

Men’s Closet Overhaul

Some men really know how to dress themselves. Bravo. Other guys still have their Mommies pick out and match their clothes every morning for work. This is problematic. This is where you step in with a quick & easy lesson for this idiot boyfriend of yours.

Image

Presentation is key because unless you’re blind, everybody can see you. It’s what gets noticed about you first, before you open your stupid mouth. Maybe people will see your smile first if you have a beautiful one. That’s only if you’re lucky. And I actually really love flannels — sorry ’bout yours, Al. 

So you’re really sick of what your man wears – like he’s still wearing jeans with a “loop” on them – those are called cargo jeans and they went out with JNCO & lee pipes in fucking 1996 with your sports team logo Starter jacket. LOSE IT. 

Image

OK, OK. Dramatic but whatever. There are some very fine ebay retailers selling some mint condition vintage JNCO’s if you’re looking for a Halloween 2014 costume of a 15 year #TBT. You’re welcome for the creative Halloween idea. 

I can’t believe I uploaded that photo – whatever it’s on the verge of vintage so I’m gonna leave it. Here’s the transformation piece. Vintage Fashion like this, is here to stay. Versace. Colored Denim. How could you NOT?! 

Image

To get your man to dress differently, you must get him to care. A little. Some dudes care and they totally get it. It’s likely they had a really cool mother or parents who cared about presentation and making sure their male child knew what’s good. Sometimes it’s learned behavior – sometimes its inherent. Some men need such immediate help. 

So when you take your man shopping for new jeans there are a few things to remember: 

Make sure know what you’re looking for. Fit is extremely important and you always want jeans that are fitted. Buy one size down because within the first few wears, jeans will stretch majorly. Then they’ll look baggy & way too big. So buy the smaller size if you’re on the fence. To make your guy fall in love with these jeans, just as he fell in love with his last pair of jeans that you now hate – he’s gotta get used the them. Have him wear them for 72 hours straight – like an entire weekend – even sleeping in them is fine – that is, if you wear clothes to sleep. At first, he’s going to be hesitant of his new tight-fitting jeans. After the weekend, he’s not going to want to take them off. Trust. Tailored clothing is the way to go – clothes that don’t fit are worse than no clothes at all. Moderately debatable. And DO NOT WASH those jeans yet! Not yet, either. The longer you wait, the better fade you’re going to get. But like, don’t be disgusting – if they’re dirty, please maintain proper hygiene. To get any beer smells or other random scents out of the jeans, hang them up after each use so they can air out – it helps. Also, always wear dark wash jeans. Maybe a crisp medium to dark, but NEVER EVER light wash jeans, just don’t do it. Or jeans with logos because besides the fact that they’re disgusting, there’s also this: 

“Whenever I see a guy wearing jeans with embroidered stuff all over them, I always think his dick is the size of a baby carrot. Really. Just realize less is more.”—Eva Amurri, actress

Few other things to think about: Try to balance a strong color with a neutral palette. Fitted hoodies look great with leather jackets. Soft vintage inspired t shirts are amazing with jeans. Henley’s are adorable because they’re casual yet polished. Aviator or wayfarer style sunglasses are classic and always perfect. Cardigans (if he’ll wear them)!!!!!!! 2 Basic Shoes a dude should always have: 1. Chic, versatile sneaker (not trainers like Jordan’s or Nike’s). 2. Stylish pair of oxfords. These are a great foundation for the wardrobe. 

ImageImage

 

He just…does. it. well. 

Stores to hit with your man: Rothman’s NY, higher end but gorgeous men’s apparel and they make custom for all of those men who are in between sizes. You can’t really go wrong with Burberry for men – polished, clean lines, chic. Chic is a difficult word for men to embrace so only if you’re lucky. Huge fan of JCrew for dudes. Most of it. Now the waspy stuff. If you’re looking for waspy go to Vineyard Vines. And take cover if you’re planning on talking to me – kidding I love their ties. & their plaid – so GOOD. If you’re looking for great brands and you’re budgeting, Nordstrom Rack, even H&M & Uniqlo have great basics. Get him great basics even if you have to spend a little more on them. TOPMAN is good. Zara Men is also great. Just DON’T tell him names of stores because guys get weird about that stuff. You just need to pre-shop online – AKA know what they have and don’t waste his time dragging him all over looking for something that none of these stores have. Pull things in his size and pair them together and make him try outfits – not random pieces – outfits ALWAYS look better betch. 

That’s all I do. Make him commit to taking the time to try. I did it for this guy I used to date. Totally changed his style — he dresses amazing better now. Used to wear gross button-downs from Kohl’s. LOL I’ve done this time & time again so if you think I’m talking about you – you still need more help. I’ve made immense progress in the style & dress of men. I have to say that there are a bunch of better dressed men in this world because of me. You’re welcome future chicks that date my exes, you’re welcome for everything. If that’s all I’ve accomplished with them, that’s the biggest lie I’ve said today. But at least it’s a push in a positive direction. (Sidenote: I’ve also dated a guy that dressed like Macklemore and I’m not fucking kidding around. The song Thrift Shop was actually written about him – purple velour blazers & all with mismatched ties & strange pants that were ill-fitting. Oh and fur). ***Trying so hard to erase those memories from my brain.*** But I can’t stop laughing about it so I’ll just never stop. To each his own. 

One last thing – you can NEVER go wrong with black. Only if he has dandruff which means you have bigger problems & I’ll have to post a blog about men’s grooming habits and hygiene which would be weird but entertaining in the same breath. Black never fails & if you think it does, stop dating people who shed skin from their head because I’m vomiting as I type.

Hope this post aids in the objective of creating a better dressed male population. Get to work, betches.