Trashy Lifestyles Abruptly Stopping Thanks to this Heartfelt Letter

This may sound messed up, and – it is. And I’m not sure if I really care or I’m just writing this statement to make myself seem less judgmental.

Whatever – I feel like part of my calling in life is to teach trashy people from Long Island how to be less trashy. Steps are below. Many of them are directed at women because that’s who I identify with and I usually go too hard on the men, anyway.

1. Wear less eyeliner. I mean this in the proper context, of course. If you’re heading out and eyeliner is a part of your look, great. You’re not the person I’m suggesting change from, but I bet you know exactly who it is that I am talking about.

2. Stop with the excessively gnarly acrylic nails. You’re not Kylie Jenner. Even though I wish you were and her nails don’t even bother me because I love her. It’s another perception thing. I may vomit though, BRB.

3. Don’t wear pajamas in public. Any kind of pajamas. I don’t care if they’re “cute.” Don’t.

4. “You can’t dress trashy til you spend a lot of money.” Even then, still be careful.

Just recently I had a stint at the Bay Shore Mall, where I purchased “ghetto clothes” / “disposable clothing” from a store that I’m now mildly obsessed with called Agachi. I mean, the 3 things I purchased from this store are pure gold. Who has to know that the AMAZING sparkly jelly shoes I’ve been wearing ALL DAMN SUMMER with black pants & tanks /dresses were $12.90? Well now everybody does. But how awesome? I’m dressing a little bit trashy – BUT because I’ve collected a wardrobe that isn’t typically one that’s “trashy,” I feel much more comfortable rocking some trashy chic shit from a ghetto ass store occasionally. Or all summer. Also – it’s way easier to dress a little trashier during summer months.

I digress…

5. Do less. Do MUCH less. Speaking, mostly. STFU, nobody wants to hear you yelling (at your husband – how the F do you even have one?, at your children – again, how/why?, at your pet (feel so bad for that pet), into your mobile device).

6. Politely wait until it’s your turn. Basically, relax people.

7. Wear clothing that generally fits you (not too small, not too huge). Aim for your own size. Thumbs up.

8. Just go ahead and delete your Facebook. Just delete. Inactivate – whatever it is. DO US ALL A HUGE FAVOR, so we don’t have to block you and your heinous social media updates about your “intelligent” thoughts on “controversial topics.”

9. Oversharing Birthing. When you’re pregnant, ladies. Go right ahead and be pregnant. Sharing every moment, every aspect, every sonogram, every month of your girth growth in side by side comparisons – completely fucking unnecessary. I mean, we all get it – as time goes on over the next 9-10 months, YOU WILL GET LARGER. Thank. You. So. Much. For. Sharing. AND DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SHARING PHOTOS DURING BIRTH. We’ve all seen Knocked Up and don’t care to re-live the scene until we’re going through it ourselves. Enough.

10. Get off your cell phone while driving. I bet know we’re all guilty of this, whether it’s trashy or not. But like… for some reason, whenever I see a person doing this… they’re usually a bit more likely to be trashy than not. And swerving into my lane on the LIE. And driving so slow on a merge.

11. Bumper stickers on your car. Or the little people / family stickers on the back of your minivan window. Just no.

12. Spotting fake bags / discussing fake bags. What the ACTUAL F is anybody still doing with a fake handbag? Do something real. Doesn’t matter the price. Just don’t.

Keep Long Island Beautiful ❤ 

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Uber * (1Star)

According to my Uber driver this morning, I have only a 1 Star rating. Similar to how the user gets to rate the driver on a 5-star scale, the drivers also get to rate the user. OK soooo… How does one even attain this level of being such a shitty customer? I’m always polite to them, chat if I’m chatted to, I’m quiet when I don’t want to speak. I don’t eat or drink in Uber. I don’t do anything that weird in them (I don’t think…).

After asking my driver today, apparently my poor rating is because I don’t enter my pick-up address. Um… what? I never have. And truthfully, the app always does show my Uber driving right passed where I am (like today). And I freak out like where is this person going? WTF, UGH. Press ‘Contact Driver’ and ask them, “Where are you?” “Why are you there? I’m all the way over here.”

His suggestion – stop using the “Drop a Pin” pick up. Because the “Drop a Pin” is often times wrong. OH. Like that’s my fault? Sorry my iPhone doesn’t work. Sorry Uber doesn’t work. Whatever – he told me it is not useful for me (clearly) OR for the driver (because then they’re driving around in circles looking for me). Yeah.

I have a love/hate relationship with Uber – I’m currently trying to boycott because relying on it is too expensive for me. Which basically means I would rather spend my money in other more significant ways then getting to Brooklyn from Manhattan. I’ve been taking public transportation more often lately in NYC. Which will literally be the death of me.

Whatever, he gave me a 5 Star ***** rating today (he showed me for proof)! Thanks Mirza, have a great day!

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Got you back 😉

Fight Back or Just Be Nicer…

If your goal is to “talk to me” or get my attention – like everything, there’s probably a right way and a wrong way to do it.

Right way does not include a threat or a disgruntled negative attitude as to why I have not talked to you in over a year (shade). That’s actually first on the list of “Ways to get a girl to be completely disgusted and never talk to you again”… Borderline harassment is probably the best way, though…NOT! (digression..)

So the next time you’re walking down the street and the creepy men that stare at you and say “Daayyyum” when you walk by or whisper “You’re beautiful mami” in your ear, or my ultimate favorite: “God Bless You!” (when its quite obvious I didn’t sneeze, but “thanks, you too!”) or do the elongated neck breaking stare that follows you down the street… (OMG run-on sentence)

I know — you first STOP and GAG yourself because this man typically looks like a foot and you’re obviously uninterested in the building superintendent, 5ft3 construction man or restaurant sidewalk sweeper that stands outside on the street… But YOU MUST RECOVER!

I used to feel unbearably uncomfortable by these people that I would try to avoid them at all costs— like cross the street quicker! Somehow this always ended up majorly fucking me over. Now I gave these creeps a better view to stare at my ass or make weird comments from afar – now other bystanders look…and I look even more stupid. Fuck me, right?!?! UGH… Then I would try to just walk a little faster. Also dumb, because then I looked like a T-Rex or a weird competitor of that Olympic walking activity  – all while wearing a dress and heels. AWKWARD. 

Instead of deciding whether or not I should make eye contact, do an awkward smile, walk away humiliated with a scowl on my face while 3 men (clearly a dog’s age or older) are staring at my ass and licking their lips with the extreme fallacy that they’re going to find out what’s underneath my clothes. No, sir. You aren’t! Regardless, I changed my attitude real quick…

I kind of take that age comment back – it has nothing to do with age – because 20-somethings do it, 30-somethings, 80-somethings. Age is irrelevant. It’s their occupation or rather their “non-occupation” – something I’ve titled the “STREET LURKER,” or “CORNER STANDER.” Definition: biggest creep on the block that somehow is always outside when I’m walking by. Don’t you have a job, dude? What the f…

Nowadays I march my ass right up to these motherfuckers every damn day with a friendly smile on my face. And I say hello to them. Every time. I say hello first. I don’t allow them to treat me like a “piece.” I don’t actually take their comments as compliments because I don’t think they’re usually meant as compliments. I basically try to make them feel like idiots. That’s a goal of mine on many forefronts. To make people who have made me feel like an idiot once; feel like an idiot for quite a few times after that. I’ve even learned their names. They don’t disrespect me anymore – or at least make me feel disrespected because now we’re “friends” – I mean, no we’re not – but at least I’m not just a girl that they can gawk and/or hoot at. They’ll just say hi back and it’s over. Until I go to lunch – and walk past a pile of different creeps.

It works though. Establish your domain. Don’t be touchable. When you make yourself unavailable to them on the level of respect – they’ll stop. It’s really not a confidence thing because I’ve got plenty of that – it’s more of a security thing – like “back up off me,” “you already know me so you have no reason to be rude to me,” and TBH, “please step the F away.”

Men at Lunch, 1932
Men at Lunch, 1932

Meanwhile as I’m walking toward my lunch spot, I quickly cross the road in anticipation of construction signs and a sidewalk blocked. Phew – avoided those guys!!! WIN. UNTIL I realize it is also their lunchtime…. and 26 (literally, not exaggerating at all – I fucking counted) construction worker men are sitting down (which is the worst because they now have a view from the below angle…pity) staring at me as I walk between Spring and Prince Streets. Really didn’t win that one at all, Ash. Never gonna see them again (hopefully) so it’s not like you can say hi to any of them – EVER. Epic fail.

You get the gist, be nice to the creeps. Just not too nice.  😉

Modern Day Photo "Men At Lunch"
Modern Day Photo “Men At Lunch”

Practice Your Texts

Practice your texts before you press SEND.

AKA: Don’t speak too soon.

AKA: Don’t get caught up.

AKA: Don’t say shit you don’t mean.

AKA: Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.

Every time I’m faced with an interesting question or problem or “AHH! not sure what to do” via text, I hold on a sec…

Exit iMessage immediately. Open my favorite app in the history of the world. No guys, it’s not Instagram. It’s Notes. Don’t believe me?! Take a look at my stack. In real life hard copy and in soft copy on my iPhone/iCloud. I write notes like nobody’s business. In fact I write many of my blogs in Notes.

I’ve had Notes deleted from my iPhone and I’ve had legit mental breakdowns crying and screaming on the floor, until Anthony Luckie saved my life a la his pre-lawyer days.

ANYWAY – Write down everything you want to say in the note. Run on sentences and all. Nasty shit. Nice shit. Normal shit. Really really fucking nasty shit. Get it out. It feels good. But it didn’t make anybody feel that bad yet. Now, maybe your goal is to make somebody feel bad: here’s the trick. Clean it up. Think about it and revise what you’re saying. Run it by somebody. You don’t need to answer right away. You change your tone because you’re not looking to get a negative reaction, you’re looking for a positive reaction. Don’t curse them out. You basically clean up your texts and make them clear, concise and perfect. Your text will come across as well thought out and that you mean business not that you’re trying to be a dick.

Also – it majorly saves you from the elusive  (typing) dots.

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Which are the ultimate worst gut dropping feeling. OH the person is typing… then erased. Typing then erased. Then typing.  Then nothing. And still no text received? What’s going on w this weird person ? They clearly don’t know how to respond! Clearly they’re thinking about this way too much.

When you avoid the dots, you seem unaffected by something – even if it did take you 1 hour of deliberating and contemplating of what to actually send.

Once that shit is perfect, you copy and paste into iMessage and off it goes. Confidence is up because you take out the nervousness or changing your mind or anything else out of the text line. Now you’ve said exactly what you mean, you didn’t say it mean. And you’re free. Until the text comes back: “ok.”

Hahaha! Good luck with that shit!

Confidence Boost

For when you’re feeling like you need a little boost… this is my list of shit to make you feel better about yourself. Explode your confidence this way. Every thing on my list works – proven through myself – tried & true.

1. Smile.

Smiling boosts confidence like nobody’s business! Smile the shit out of yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, do this as much as possible. Nobody wants to see you with a frown on your face. Definitely not flattering. Definitely does not show confidence, it shows sadness or uneasiness or boredom. Put your smile on (try not to fake it) and own a situation.

2. Head high, shoulders back, look people in the eye.

Giving direct eye contact gives you much stronger control. People will allow you to guide conversations and you will win. Avoid a power struggle because that makes people uncomfortable, also avoid staring at people because “deer in headlights” is a thing. Keep it non-verbal even, LISTENING is major.

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3. Stop apologizing

Somebody bumps into you, and you immediately say, “Sorry!” Ummm, what?! Why are YOU apologizing for a person who was not paying attention and bumped into you while you were at standstill. THEYYYY should be apologizing to you. This slight and extremely common “Sorry,” should stop.

4. Relax

Keep things light. Be very quick to laugh at yourself if you do something silly. Try not to laugh at somebody else’s expense. When you can really laugh at what you do, that shows confidence. I’m talking spilling food on your shirt and letting it happen – maybe put some food on the other side to make the stains match. 😉 Whateverrrrr.

5. Manners! Manners! Manners!

Saying “Please” and “Thank You!” are amongst the greatest words to keep in your vocabulary. People respect please’s and thank you’s more than you’ll ever know and it’s actually a mark of self-respect. I think it makes us feel better about ourselves to be gracious and feel cool. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

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6. Dress in a way that indicates your self worth. 

Looking well-dressed is MAJOR to me. Being well-dressed has nothing to do with $ or style. It has to do with what looks well on your body type and how you present yourself while wearing what you’re currently wearing. When you dress like a slut, you are a slut (proven). When you dress like a boss, you are a boss (proven). Let people see your confidence through your appearance as well as your body language and sense of self.

7. Expect others to believe in you!

OBVIOUSLY you’re amazing. You want everybody to know, see and truly appreciate your good qualities. When you expect people to know, the confidence just follows. Don’t fear others not knowing, don’t fear anybody’s opinion. When you present yourself or an idea/dream with excitement and you want others to believe in you – the confidence rolls right off your tongue.

Keeping confidence levels high is eminent to your success – so even if you have to fake it, use these tips until they become natural.

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The Art of Text Messaging

How long does it take you to respond to a text sometimes? You stare and read, re-read, screenshot, ask for help… think some more.

 

 

 

FINALLY, press “Send.”

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And the idiot you sent it to STILL does not understand exactly what you meant. You failed at getting your point across correctly. Tone is not conveyed through a text. And that sucks. Especially for an overly expressive individual like myself.

Verbiage/Text

OK, so – if you’re planning on texting me in incomplete sentences that are not specific abbreviations or current/relevant words, YOU’RE OUT.

“Imma b @ da beach. How boutchu mamii?”

UMMMMMMMM… wait. Excuse me? How do you survive in society? Don’t ever send me a a text again. I don’t understand your 1990’s style of ghetto texting. Actually reminds me of that commercial with the dad saying shit like “mad cool” or “fresh” or something gross. You can only get away with that if you have swagger. Or if you’re very funny. Even then, it’s questionable. Highly unlikely.

This is the EXACT moment when you turn on your “Read Receipts” and “forget to answer” for a few days. He’ll know. Obvi – IGNORED. Obvi- get outta here. You know I’m not texting you back and you also now know why.

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This post originally started off as a guest blog, but I have so much to say so it changed to a collaborative post featuring:

a dear friend and fellow “Queen Betch of Awkward Moments” Kelly Nolan (@kellynonoo).

What Can Go So Horribly Wrong When Texting:

What this world is missing is a Webster’s Dictionary for text message responses that can lead to complete awk-ness and mixed signals.

Let me start with my least fav, the “k”.

As the world has evolved to what it is in 2014, so has the “k”. There is now capital k, “K” and lower case k, “k” and if you’re me, you will literally respond to people as “k, capital” or “k, lowercase”.

Here’s the deal: The capital K is more of a hateful response. Like, once you receive that you should feel like you just got shanked. The lowercase k is more of a lazy response – it’s like you want to reply, but the “O” is just a stretch above that “k” and then adding the “a-y”, no way – you’d be too exhausted.

Next, let us discuss the period.

I’m all about the grammar life so like, use them at the end of a proper sentence.  Don’t be sending random periods! It messes with both standard English and people’s emotions.  If you’re sending a bitchy period that tells me that you, in fact have your period. Or if you’re a guy, a mangina and that’s what’s happening here. If you send multiple periods then you’re also very wrong. You look impatient, like your life is just depending on that person to answer.  Pathetic-ness will be sent right along with that text. So, it’s for your best interest to stay away from those dots.

Last but not least is the oh so popular “lol”.

While “lol” is an easy go-to response for just about anything and everything, it is about 77% of the time a lie. Are you really “laughing out loud” when you send that text? When you’re in the bathroom or on line at the grocery store or at work on lunch with your co-workers around are you really laughing out loud for all to hear?

My other issue with the “lol” is that it has become such an easy response that we tend to use it even when things aren’t funny. This also leads to mixed messages! You’re either giving someone far too much credit by making them think they are funny when they are not… OR you’re just hyping up someone who’s already cocky and knows they are funny. So unless you are laying on the floor laughing out loud —try to refrain. And if you are well then hell, we should bring back ROTFLOL.

So betches, all I ask of you is to PLEASE stop and think about what you’re texting. Whether you see it or not you could be ruining relationships, your own life, etc. Keep calm and keep loving Ashley Byrd XO Kelly No

As of Late

The recent months have been among the best and most healthy times in my emotional life. (UGH, this blog is going to be annoying – I can tell already). Getting to know myself – really, really well. By myself. Loving myself. Learning about myself. Narcissistic, much? 

Being single is grounds for gaining a significant amount of knowledge – about none other than, yourself.

Change is one of the scariest and challenging times in this beautiful life. Going for new things. I’m about that life. Change is a beautiful thing.

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This week I embarked upon a brand new journey. I started working in NYC. I left my job of eleven (yes, that’s right 11! years). I honestly have not really left – I can’t leave something that’s THAT good. I am however, changing careers. I want to do something different, explore new and exciting territory. I don’t like weddings and that’s what my career was specialized in. Why work in an industry that you don’t love? If you don’t even love love?! Definite time for a change. A change in love. A love for myself – which is developing stronger and stronger as I type (lolz).

Considering myself an extremely loyal person – I will never let anybody tell me differently. This quote kind of struck me funny – I really am starting to see my “disloyal” changes as self-loving. I’m kind of really into the things that I’m loving right now.

I’m no longer into being unloved, being surrounded by people who don’t need me, or by people who don’t care about me to the fullest. Venturing out into the deep blue sea because I would really rather do that. I’m a firm believer of throwing myself into situations that are not comfortable. Hell – I do that every day of my life. I’m trying to teach myself that it’s better to feel uncomfortable for 8 seconds than to feel uncomfortable for years on end. Small bits of uncomfortable situations are worth it. They’re great for human growth. Starting to leave what has left me. Ready for what the unknown has to offer.

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 I LOVE this image.

How To: Get What You Want – Part THREE

HOW TO: Get What You Want

Yes, there’s 3 parts. No, there shouldn’t be.

But I had to break this information up into 3 blog posts. Because I’m not about giving you all of the information easily. And for dramatic effect (see Part 2).

But this is how you’re going to make people GLAD to do what you want. They’re going to be begging you to do exactly what you want them to do.

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Start off with compliments! Praise the person and appreciate what they’re doing for you. “You’re very beautiful, I really like the way that you do your eye makeup.” “Next time you’re doing it though, can you make sure to clean up the powder that’s left behind all over the sink?” It’s much easier to hear unpleasant things after you hear something positive about yourself.

Indirectly criticize. Don’t say a word to the idiot that isn’t doing his job at work. Do it for him… step right in and let him look on as you complete the task. Once he catches on that you’re there, acting on something – you let him finish. He will feel it – he’ll know what he did was wrong. He’ll respect you for not talking to him like an inferior, but allowing him to not do what he should have been doing. Reward people for their idiocy. Let them get away with it – but also let them KNOW they were an idiot. Change your “BUT’s” to “AND’s.” Failure is washed away. Get rid of the but – it changes the tone.

Talk about yourself (easy), but talk about your mistakes FIRST. It’s easy to criticize somebody – but also, think about WTF they know or don’t know. If you’re an expert (or you consider yourself one), other people don’t know as much shit as you do. OBVIOUSLY. So take it easy – and instead of making someone feel dumb with “WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT, IT’S ALL WRONG!” have some compassion. “OMG, I DID SOMETHING SO SIMILAR WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING THAT. ONCE I MESSED UP THIS ENTIRE THING… TRY THIS, IT’S HELPFUL!”

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. “Have you ever thought of…?” or “Do you think this would work…” Nobody likes to be barked at. Or be given orders. You definitely get what you want much easier if you give some options. You give opportunity to people to do things for themselves and it boosts self-esteem. It also removes the feeling of resentment.

If somebody sucks at something, let them do something that they’re actually good atDon’t highlight the shitty job a person is doing. Take a minute and think of something that they do really well – sometimes it is not AT ALL whatever you want them to do. However, something completely different – sometimes better! Have that person do that – it will be better for them and embarrass them way less. This is “feel good shit” people!

“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.” Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Praise is what makes people better – positive reinforcement – not negative. Keep going!! Praise can truly change a person’s life. With a little bit of encouragement, a person can really go places. As for getting what you want, successful people make successful surroundings. You can really move mountains with a positive message in the life of a friend, colleague or subordinate. They’ll remember the feeling you left them with. Always. People are thirsty, quench their thirst.

Reputation – it’s all about a person’s reputation. Once you give somebody a really great reputation to live up to – they’re going to. You create a situation where you force a person to compare their own life back to themselves. Sometimes this is difficult to face, but ultimately, it’s rewarding. Great leading tactic, really. Let somebody live up to their previous self – it’s easy to give a bit of suggesting advice this way.

Encourage and make the shitty shit they did seem super easy to correct. It gives people the desire to improve. Please help them, do it for the greater good of the world.

Make the person happy to do exactly what you want them to do. Give them some reward or recognition. Don’t let them down but suggest cool things about it! Don’t give them the opportunity to not be excited about it. Your request should really make the other person have the idea that they will personally benefit. Consider what they will gain, and let them gain it.

“My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.” – Dale Carnegie

love this photo
love this photo

Based on: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Why Men Cheat

I’ve literally been doing research on why men cheat from the moment I started dating my first boyfriend (so, Kindergarten).

Obviously, never wanting to be cheated on, but knowing that it does in fact happen – I made sure I was exceptionally cool. Really easy-going, and not annoying to boys (or anyone for that matter). Main goal is to basically not act like a girl at all. Be like “one of the guys” without actually being weird or gross. Not forcing the “center of attention” look on myself. Not letting the little things become a big thing.

I give all of my girl friends very similar advice – to remain calm, cool and let shit go! Except when I’ve found myself in positions when I can’t let shit go – this has blown up in my face. Discovering why men cheat has been rough, but it’s all a part of growing up. Females cheat too, but I don’t care about that so save your opinions for another betch.

I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who is a Grade A, top of the line, high quality and respectable dude – also, a CHEATER. No names needed and specific situations never needed, but they happened and he’s real. This is what we’ve come up with. Enjoy or don’t.

Some men are never truly happy in their lives.

To these guys, happiness is a temporary feeling. Fleeting. There’s always this search for more or what’s next. So they mask their unhappiness through a variety of methods – drinking, drugs, gambling, and yes, womanizing.

Men at times are genuinely unhappy in their relationships and with themselves, which leads them to cheat. Chasing that temporary high or that good feeling in the beginning of a hook-up. Men are babies. They’re insecure and act immature.

a betches motto <3
a betches motto ❤

Insecurity.

Men want to be able to know “they’ve still got it” or they can still “pull a hot chick.” Congrat-u-fucking-lations? Good for you, bro. I guess? But when will it ever end? When will you feel secure enough with yourself that you don’t need to cheat on the one that you’re with just to prove to your friends or to yourself that you’ve still got it? If you do in fact, still have it – fucking keep it! People will know you still have it because you’ve kept the person that you’re with. And you’re cool because you’re confident, not cocky. You know when to fire punches and you also know when to roll with the punches. And if you choose to  leave the person that you’re with, do it with some class and dignity and don’t look back.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-dHgZ4uY4nhu4J/the_40_year_old_virgin_2005_confrontation_at_the_store_part_2/ 

Sex is a major factor – obviously.

Men cheat because their current girlfriend is boring. Or he can’t get over me. Leading a double life gets difficult after awhile so pick a team, dude!

Men don’t want to face the reality of their sexual incompetence and dealing with a new girl allows them to escape from their real life for a little while? (Disclaimer: Maybe for some, not Exhibit A…)

Cheating can be done in two forms: physical & emotional.

Ask any sane or better, insane betch what is worse? – The guaranteed response: emotional cheating. Cheating usually becomes emotional as soon as it happens more than once – sometimes not, but the physical isn’t what gets people so worked up about it.

Like – I don’t really care if you’re sleeping with another person. What I do care about is protecting myself (from whatever you may get or have from this other person). This is the scary part about cheaters. Like if you’re going to cheat or lie about what you’re doing with others, go right ahead and be a piece of shit liar. BUT you better fucking think about the literal danger that you may be putting somebody else in. STD. Immune system killers. I think about this all the time (maybe I’m paranoid) but I think everyone else is just dumb.

He doesn’t LOVE her anymore.

Bullshit. If you feel that strongly about not loving someone anymore, you should feel strongly enough to fucking tell them. This all comes down to the insecurity. Not feeling comfortable enough with yourself that you can’t break up with somebody is awful. Being with a person isn’t the end all – marriage is not always the end of the road. Love isn’t the end.

My question is whether or not cheaters evolve? Or will a guy be a cheater forever and ever, for the rest of his life so help him, God.

Catcalling, Meow.

Catcalling. Don’t do this – and if you do, expect to receive VERY expressive, specific insults.

Fuck. You. Get away from me. I’m not interested in you. Shut your mouth immediately.

I once told an ex-boyfriend that I would pay for surgery to have his ribs removed so that he could suck his own dick because I’d never go anywhere near him again. (Unrelated, but I thought it would be a good point to add that in).

If you haven’t already, please meet reality TV personality & model Stassi Schroeder… the violent metaphors ❤

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Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 1 | Stassi’s Violent Metaphors.

The link is my absolute favorite compilation of “Stassi” moments.

…how many people do I know that have told me that I remind them of her? Resting bitch face is on point.

Being nicer is definitely in my near future. Great quote someone sent me recently –

“I try to be nice to everyone because what if they have a hot brother?”

But like…. Don’t whistle at me. Don’t beep your car horn at me while I’m running. Like what was your goal with that? Did you think your beep and yell out the window while at a traffic light would make me sprint on over to your car and flirt with you and get in your car and go home with you and we live happily ever after?! No?! Me NEITHER. That kills my vibe so don’t do it.

Catcalling is like so… 18th century. I almost want to take that statement back because I would 100% rather have a guy approach me face to face (a la 18th century) rather than message me on any form of social media. But an approach/inquiry/courtship is far different than a catcall.

I hate that it’s named after a cat. I don’t like cats. At all.