Forewarning Does NOT Make it OKAY!

Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.

“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”

It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…

Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.

Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?

Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.

UMMMMM…. WHAT?

Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?

GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”

Better Example:

Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?

Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.

Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!

End. Done. Clean break.

P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.

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photo credit: @crimebydesign

 

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The Cool Girl

You’re so easy going. You’re so fucking cool. You let things go because you’re not phased by the small shit. You have your shit together. You have a job that you “like” for the most part, and at least you’re making money. You surround yourself with people you love. You support yourself. You support and love the people around you. You get it. You’re inspirational. You’re willing to learn and grow. You’re single. You’re ready to be in an amazing relationship with a really awesome person except you’re unsure of yourself. You have nothing holding you back. Except yourself. Because you in fact, are: the cool girl.

The cool girl does really well in the beginning of a relationship. She does superb. She’s accepted so easily. She’s easily obsessed over because she established herself as the most amazing thing on this earth. She makes others feel at ease in her presence. She can hang in any situation with mostly any group of people. She treats others well, she can laugh at herself and she loves to laugh. She’s outgoing but not outlandish or outspoken. She listens when others speak. She says what she has to say. Says what she means but doesn’t say it mean. She’s rarely a bitch. She’s rarely “pissed off.” She’s genuine, you’d never really call her super nice, but she’s not mean at all. She’s cool.

This girl, my friends gets taken advantage of by men the most.

Girls who don’t give a fuck about men, get chased. Girls who care too much about men, get left behind. Girls who are cool, get mind fucked. On the regular. And suffer complete and utter relationship travesty.

The cool girl is at peace with the bro’s. She’s one with them. She gets it when the guys are having guy time. She lets them hang. She does her own thing. She hangs. She handles situations well. She’s not afraid to challenge a man. Or anyone. She does not fear telling other people how it is. She does not back down. She lets her guard down often enough. She eventually allows people into her life. She welcomes change. She loves her surroundings, and when she doesn’t – she changes. She’s the type of girl who hates the faux pax of doing girl things, but loves to do them anyway.

Cool girl gets played. She needs to stop. Stop trying to be the cool girl. It comes back and bites her. Cool girl gets judged, HARD. As soon as the cool girl reacts to something that her S.O. does in a negative way, she suddenly becomes the psycho girl. I’m talking a real reaction. It could be negative, could be positive, could be a little flustered, could be a normal as anything reaction. But since cool girl doesn’t make a big deal out of things, once she does – she’s immediately deemed psycho girl. Or she’s judged – like OMG why is she getting so worked up over this, it’s sooooo not a big deal.

Um, actually yes it is a big deal! “Cool guy” just isn’t used to cool girl reacting to things because she’s so fucking cool that she doesn’t need to react. So then, once she does react, “cool guy” feels entitled to judge cool girl on her less-than-regular reaction. And cool girl melts, because people she cares about are making her feel like she’s not the cool girl. When in reality she is still Miss Cool Girl. She needs to still be the cool girl, keep the cool girl confidence and let it go. When people can’t handle the cool girl, she must let them go. Only some people can handle her. Until then, cool girl should pour herself a glass of champagne and continue being cool, just not as cool to the uncool guy.

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Let Go

Here’s my question for today: Should I completely hide how I feel about something just to save face?

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I want to tell you a few things about my life. I don’t take things easily but I am very easily detached. I’m a person who is known for being totally “crazy” because love and life makes me act crazy. I feel like many people can relate to this. And if love especially doesn’t make you act crazy, then you’ve never loved as hard as I have. It’s not your fault, it’s just a character flaw. Ha 🙂

It’s times like this where I really miss Talia, my therapist. She mastered simple chic and she was pleasant and skinny and really just kept me grounded & stable. She made me think it was OK to cry, that sometimes I was right about things and not psycho, and sometimes I was wrong, but still not psycho. She applauded the simple things I took for granted. She led me to think about how to be happier, while feeling less guilty. And she never really gave a fuck about all the shit I admitted to her that I thought was the end of the world. She was cool. She made me cry a bunch, but I like to cry. Aside from how awful my eyes look afterwards, I feel healthy after a good cry. Maybe it’s a comfort zone. Anyway, Talia I miss you and I wish my life wasn’t so insane that we could hang out every Wednesday morning.

Setting standards for yourself is a difficult task, but an attainable one at that. 

One thing Talia told me that has always stuck with me is that I am worth it. I’m worth a lot and people will follow suit with regard to how they treat me based on how I treat myself. At first I thought this was a really selfish thing to do. Then I realized I wanted new Loub’s and a new Gucci bag so I bought them for myself. This was wrong. She got pissed but they are both very beautiful, so it’s obviously a work in progress. Still working – I haven’t purchased a luxury item in 8 months. Which is MAJOR for me. I may be lying, but if I am it’s because I’ve forgotten about it, shoot me. Back to being worth it….

If I treat myself well, I value my time – (it’s worth a lot) then others should treat me well by association. Feelings by association?! When my feelings of joy/sadness/uncomfortableness(word?) are normal & ok, then others around me should follow in my footsteps. I started removing things from my life that destroyed me. Little by little. I felt well for the first time in a very long time. I was rather happy being myself, growing myself and being content on my own. I wasn’t lonely and I was really loving what I was accomplishing. Things started to fall into place, one by one. Even though I was still a complete & total mess and anybody really close to me totally knew it…Life was great.

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Until things started to creep back into my life because I let my guard down. Things that were not positively serving me. People, places and behaviors that I was allowing to bring me down to their level. Again. I was writing much less – huge therapy for me. I was partying more, letting my health and wellness take a back seat. My values and happiness had gone astray. Thank god I know what they are now and that I can get back in control and take the reigns for myself. It all starts by taking a deep breath and letting go. Here’s to that. Cheers to that. Letting go. 

Why Men Cheat

I’ve literally been doing research on why men cheat from the moment I started dating my first boyfriend (so, Kindergarten).

Obviously, never wanting to be cheated on, but knowing that it does in fact happen – I made sure I was exceptionally cool. Really easy-going, and not annoying to boys (or anyone for that matter). Main goal is to basically not act like a girl at all. Be like “one of the guys” without actually being weird or gross. Not forcing the “center of attention” look on myself. Not letting the little things become a big thing.

I give all of my girl friends very similar advice – to remain calm, cool and let shit go! Except when I’ve found myself in positions when I can’t let shit go – this has blown up in my face. Discovering why men cheat has been rough, but it’s all a part of growing up. Females cheat too, but I don’t care about that so save your opinions for another betch.

I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who is a Grade A, top of the line, high quality and respectable dude – also, a CHEATER. No names needed and specific situations never needed, but they happened and he’s real. This is what we’ve come up with. Enjoy or don’t.

Some men are never truly happy in their lives.

To these guys, happiness is a temporary feeling. Fleeting. There’s always this search for more or what’s next. So they mask their unhappiness through a variety of methods – drinking, drugs, gambling, and yes, womanizing.

Men at times are genuinely unhappy in their relationships and with themselves, which leads them to cheat. Chasing that temporary high or that good feeling in the beginning of a hook-up. Men are babies. They’re insecure and act immature.

a betches motto <3
a betches motto ❤

Insecurity.

Men want to be able to know “they’ve still got it” or they can still “pull a hot chick.” Congrat-u-fucking-lations? Good for you, bro. I guess? But when will it ever end? When will you feel secure enough with yourself that you don’t need to cheat on the one that you’re with just to prove to your friends or to yourself that you’ve still got it? If you do in fact, still have it – fucking keep it! People will know you still have it because you’ve kept the person that you’re with. And you’re cool because you’re confident, not cocky. You know when to fire punches and you also know when to roll with the punches. And if you choose to  leave the person that you’re with, do it with some class and dignity and don’t look back.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-dHgZ4uY4nhu4J/the_40_year_old_virgin_2005_confrontation_at_the_store_part_2/ 

Sex is a major factor – obviously.

Men cheat because their current girlfriend is boring. Or he can’t get over me. Leading a double life gets difficult after awhile so pick a team, dude!

Men don’t want to face the reality of their sexual incompetence and dealing with a new girl allows them to escape from their real life for a little while? (Disclaimer: Maybe for some, not Exhibit A…)

Cheating can be done in two forms: physical & emotional.

Ask any sane or better, insane betch what is worse? – The guaranteed response: emotional cheating. Cheating usually becomes emotional as soon as it happens more than once – sometimes not, but the physical isn’t what gets people so worked up about it.

Like – I don’t really care if you’re sleeping with another person. What I do care about is protecting myself (from whatever you may get or have from this other person). This is the scary part about cheaters. Like if you’re going to cheat or lie about what you’re doing with others, go right ahead and be a piece of shit liar. BUT you better fucking think about the literal danger that you may be putting somebody else in. STD. Immune system killers. I think about this all the time (maybe I’m paranoid) but I think everyone else is just dumb.

He doesn’t LOVE her anymore.

Bullshit. If you feel that strongly about not loving someone anymore, you should feel strongly enough to fucking tell them. This all comes down to the insecurity. Not feeling comfortable enough with yourself that you can’t break up with somebody is awful. Being with a person isn’t the end all – marriage is not always the end of the road. Love isn’t the end.

My question is whether or not cheaters evolve? Or will a guy be a cheater forever and ever, for the rest of his life so help him, God.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Why are there so many cat metaphors? Ughh…

This is a Life Lesson for Everyone…

Some people DON’T love you, they don’t even care about you. They just want to stay connected to you – they love the benefits.

So, they do the minimal. A little phone call here and there. A text. Just checking/thinking about you (ppffftttt!).

WHAT THEY ARE REALLY DOING IS: MAINTAINING A CONNECTION, SO WHEN THEY NEED YOU – THEY STILL HAVE A WAY IN.

Reading people gets easier with age. Be careful of the curious and stay close and true to those true few.

Catcalling, Meow.

Catcalling. Don’t do this – and if you do, expect to receive VERY expressive, specific insults.

Fuck. You. Get away from me. I’m not interested in you. Shut your mouth immediately.

I once told an ex-boyfriend that I would pay for surgery to have his ribs removed so that he could suck his own dick because I’d never go anywhere near him again. (Unrelated, but I thought it would be a good point to add that in).

If you haven’t already, please meet reality TV personality & model Stassi Schroeder… the violent metaphors ❤

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Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 1 | Stassi’s Violent Metaphors.

The link is my absolute favorite compilation of “Stassi” moments.

…how many people do I know that have told me that I remind them of her? Resting bitch face is on point.

Being nicer is definitely in my near future. Great quote someone sent me recently –

“I try to be nice to everyone because what if they have a hot brother?”

But like…. Don’t whistle at me. Don’t beep your car horn at me while I’m running. Like what was your goal with that? Did you think your beep and yell out the window while at a traffic light would make me sprint on over to your car and flirt with you and get in your car and go home with you and we live happily ever after?! No?! Me NEITHER. That kills my vibe so don’t do it.

Catcalling is like so… 18th century. I almost want to take that statement back because I would 100% rather have a guy approach me face to face (a la 18th century) rather than message me on any form of social media. But an approach/inquiry/courtship is far different than a catcall.

I hate that it’s named after a cat. I don’t like cats. At all.

frank body ♥

♥ frank body is the babe.

the babe of all babe’s.

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“get naked, get dirty, get rough, get clean.”  is the hot slogan of this sexy and clean skincare regime. frank is a coffee scrub that’s made in 2 formulas: “original” and “coconut & grapeseed.” I purchased the coconut & grapeseed formula because I’m less partial to orange (original).

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Frank is natural & vegan and is known for scrubbing away dry skin, moisturizing, cleansing & clarifying. Frank is the man! He targets cellulite, stretch marks, psoriasis, varicose veins, eczema and acne. What more can you ask for in a man?! 

Frank is made from ground Arabica coffee beans, cold pressed sweet almond oil, sugar and sea salt. They all have amazing healthful qualities and will 100% change the feel of your skin.

After using frank – I found that my skin was extremely soft for days on end! Definitely smelled like a latte after getting out of the shower! Whether you like the smell of coffee or not, you’re going to LOVE what frank can do for your skin. Plus it’s fun. 🙂

Because everybody else is doing it…

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Check out frank’s insta for super hot babes getting dirty with frank.

#letsbefrank

#frankbody

#frankfurt

love this Fake it blog on the frank body website. ❤

Silly Bitches, Dumb Is Never Cute!

So, you think it’s really cute to act really dumb? You like getting the attention because people think you’re an actual idiot? You think guys dig that? Your friends think it’s funny that your’e the dumb one of the group?!

I THINK YOU’RE SO BEYOND WRONG.

This is me taking a stand against the women who play the “dumb card.”

Like, OMGz, you’re the dumbest person like…ever? Wanna see how many times I can say “like?” Why do you think it’s funny to act dumb? And if you actually ARE dumb… you should not be putting yourself on blast and showing off how insanely stupid you are. Keep your mouth shut. Ignorance is bliss? UM, no. Ignorance is ignorance and it’s no excuse. If you want to be blissful, you don’t have to be ignorant. If this isn’t obvious to you, then you’re obviously exactly who I’m writing this about.

Getting the tag of “that dumb bitch over there” is not a cute look for you. No matter how pretty you are, you’ll still be known as an idiot. Which gives you no street cred – and you basically will never move forward in life.

To stop this cycle – stop being dumb! Stop talking just to say things and to be noticed. Don’t ask questions that you can easily look up the answer to by yourself – Google was invented for dumb people and is over-used by smart people. Bravo.. OBVIOUSLY. Start learning about something that you’re interested in and then only talk about that until you learn about something else to expand the breadth of your knowledge. Smart is going to look way better on you. I’m thinking this may really work out for you – until that happens, please shhhhhhhhhhh!

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Head Shots – Bang

Tremendous thanks & shout out to Bellport Web Solutions! Had a blast shooting with my girl Alexandria (@alexyadig – follow her, she’s adorable) and Dan the owner/photographer & of course, our “props.”

Alex invited me a few hours before & tells me, “You’ve got one job, Ash – bring props.” Don’t tempt me with a good time! Fruit hats. Bananas. Stella Artois. TMG Flower Halos. Funky sunglasses. Done & done. Our experience with Dan was fantastic – his studio space is great & his two French Bulldogs rule!

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SO, as if you guys needed more of a reason to think Alex and I were legit in love with each other, here’s another one! We look like we’re sisters posing for family portraits as a gift to our parents for their 40th wedding anniversary. With that being said, I F-ING LOVE IT. Red lips are my favorite and this photo is my absolute favorite. Alex is wearing Hourglass lipstick in “Icon.” I’m wearing Chanel lipstick in “Passion.”

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As always – the fruit hat NEVER FAILS.

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Stunning in That Madonna Girl “The Dani” halo.

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SIGNING OFF.

I FEEL LIKE DAFT PUNK.

 

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Photo Cred: Bellport Web Solutions

Paris Photo Diary

No need to overflow your Instagram feeds, so I’ll blog my Paris adventure!

Versailles Gardens
Versailles Gardens
SURFBOARDT!
SURFBOARDT!

Shopped 'til I dropped, JK.
Shopped ’til I dropped, JK.
Pont Saint Louis - "Love Lock Bridge"
Pont Saint Louis – “Love Lock Bridge”
Monk Selfies
Monk Selfies
Photobombed at the Louvre
Photobombed at the Louvre
Wedding Ceremony at the Grand Palais
Wedding Ceremony at the Grand Palais
Posing in front of Cartier (mainly took this photo for the hot dude to the left)
Posing in front of Cartier (mainly took this photo for the hot dude to the left, who turns out to not be that hot.)
Arc de Triomph
Arc de Triomph
Fresh Squeezed OJ in the Gardens of Versailles
Fresh Squeezed OJ in the Gardens of Versailles
no patience as always #kanye
no patience as always #kanye
Notre Dame from the Lovelock Bridge
Notre Dame from the Lovelock Bridge
CitiPharma <3
CitiPharma ❤
my girrrrrrl
my girrrrrrl
Laduree Bakery
Laduree Bakery
Ghetto Statue <3
Ghetto Statue ❤
Versailles Palace
Versailles Palace
City Street
City Street
All smiles
All smiles
# RATCHET <3
# RATCHET ❤
Paris Marathon on Sunday
Paris Marathon on Sunday
Caught in the act of a Selfie
Caught in the act of a Selfie
Quick! Jump in that bush...
Quick! Jump in that bush…
Queen Nightclub
Queen Nightclub
Arc de Triomph
Arc de Triomph
Eiffel Tower
Eiffel Tower

 So many more photos, I just picked a few favorites!