Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.
“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”
It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…
Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.
Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”
Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?
Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.
Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?
GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”
Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?
Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.
Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!
End. Done. Clean break.
P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.
You’re so easy going. You’re so fucking cool. You let things go because you’re not phased by the small shit. You have your shit together. You have a job that you “like” for the most part, and at least you’re making money. You surround yourself with people you love. You support yourself. You support and love the people around you. You get it. You’re inspirational. You’re willing to learn and grow. You’re single. You’re ready to be in an amazing relationship with a really awesome person except you’re unsure of yourself. You have nothing holding you back. Except yourself. Because you in fact, are: the cool girl.
The cool girl does really well in the beginning of a relationship. She does superb. She’s accepted so easily. She’s easily obsessed over because she established herself as the most amazing thing on this earth. She makes others feel at ease in her presence. She can hang in any situation with mostly any group of people. She treats others well, she can laugh at herself and she loves to laugh. She’s outgoing but not outlandish or outspoken. She listens when others speak. She says what she has to say. Says what she means but doesn’t say it mean. She’s rarely a bitch. She’s rarely “pissed off.” She’s genuine, you’d never really call her super nice, but she’s not mean at all. She’s cool.
This girl, my friends gets taken advantage of by men the most.
Girls who don’t give a fuck about men, get chased. Girls who care too much about men, get left behind. Girls who are cool, get mind fucked. On the regular. And suffer complete and utter relationship travesty.
The cool girl is at peace with the bro’s. She’s one with them. She gets it when the guys are having guy time. She lets them hang. She does her own thing. She hangs. She handles situations well. She’s not afraid to challenge a man. Or anyone. She does not fear telling other people how it is. She does not back down. She lets her guard down often enough. She eventually allows people into her life. She welcomes change. She loves her surroundings, and when she doesn’t – she changes. She’s the type of girl who hates the faux pax of doing girl things, but loves to do them anyway.
Cool girl gets played. She needs to stop. Stop trying to be the cool girl. It comes back and bites her. Cool girl gets judged, HARD. As soon as the cool girl reacts to something that her S.O. does in a negative way, she suddenly becomes the psycho girl. I’m talking a real reaction. It could be negative, could be positive, could be a little flustered, could be a normal as anything reaction. But since cool girl doesn’t make a big deal out of things, once she does – she’s immediately deemed psycho girl. Or she’s judged – like OMG why is she getting so worked up over this, it’s sooooo not a big deal.
Um, actually yes it is a big deal! “Cool guy” just isn’t used to cool girl reacting to things because she’s so fucking cool that she doesn’t need to react. So then, once she does react, “cool guy” feels entitled to judge cool girl on her less-than-regular reaction. And cool girl melts, because people she cares about are making her feel like she’s not the cool girl. When in reality she is still Miss Cool Girl. She needs to still be the cool girl, keep the cool girl confidence and let it go. When people can’t handle the cool girl, she must let them go. Only some people can handle her. Until then, cool girl should pour herself a glass of champagne and continue being cool, just not as cool to the uncool guy.
Being a female and having interaction with other females is beyond fascinating to me. Are we always in competition with one another? Are we always looking for a friend? Are we always looking to protect ourselves? Should we be? Women hold their relationships with males and females much differently. Especially when asking for advice. I’m a firm believer in asking for advice when I’m dealing with indecision – honestly, if you’re reading this blog post I’ve probably asked you for advice before. Maybe you’ve asked me for my advice or my opinion. Maybe you didn’t, but I gave it to you anyway. Sorry in advance for when I give you advice or an opinion that you may not want to hear. Anyway, it’s human nature to care about what others think and maybe better yourself from at least their thoughts on previous experiences.
One thing that truly sometimes interests me – (this is really fucking boring because it’s always the same story) is how females confide in other females. Girls spend hours trying to help give advice to our friends when they are going trough a hard time with their boyfriend/fiancée/husband/random guy that they’re talking to. I’ve found that females will hardly EVERtake the advice that other females give to them. I have countless examples in my everyday life & I’m sure you do too. Girls are fucking annoying. I sit and think to myself, “Why the fuck did I stress out about this issue you’re dealing with…FOR YOU when you ended up doing the complete opposite of what I suggested?” This is a constant. Relationships aren’t constant but advice/talking about the relationship/having to listen to the relationship is beyond constant.
As girl friends, we should really just be there to listen – and then let them be. I’m a firm believer that at the end of the day and in the end of the decision making, the chick will always do what THEY want. DUH! Aren’t you always going to do what you want… Eventually, at least?
Instead we should just provide wine, and actively listen. Listen – after it’s been the 17th time you’ve heard this great and exciting story? I know. You don’t want to – I don’t either. I didn’t enjoy telling it that many times either and neither did your bestie – unless, she’s that type and loves to talk about herself. Which, I’m sorry! And, instead of offering up our great advice, wait it out. And then, don’t judge their dumb ass decision after they make it.
Because it’s never what you suggested. Just know this. And be okay with this.
Reese, this is the worst thing you’ve ever said. Sorry, dolly.
Women on the other hand, will ALWAYS take advice on how to handle girl fights. Never their guy fights. Maybe “fight” is a harsh word—disagreements, questions, unsure moments, drunk arguments?
Example : Here’s a scenario that is potentially happening with a best friend. I have suspicions and then confirm to have found out your boyfriend has been cheating on you. SHOCKING! (to nobody). You’re pissed obviously, so you decide to do something about it. You can do as I would do – punch him in the fucking face, I mean…talk to him about it politely. JK. What I would really do is think of some conniving way to bring it up in front of him so that he knows that you know, without actually discussing it. At least make this bro shit his pants for a few days. To the girl you’re going to think about it and think about it. It will go something like this. “Here is my advice that I prepared to give you for the past 2 nights so that I don’t offend you. I’m obviously really trying to help.” My advice : BREAK UP! She’s devastated. She cries to you. She’s never been this miserable in her entire life.
What she does? Stays with him!!! WHAT? WHY? Because, as always – this girl did what she wanted, whether it was right or wrong. She “talked to” this guy, they’re working on things, he’s so so sorry and it will never happen again. Until it does, OBVIOUSLY!
But whatever – It’s done and it’s not your decision. It’s worthless to give your opinion about a man. Especially, never give an opinion to your best friend about her man that’s negative — because when she continues to stay with this guy, you’re going to have countless awkward encounters and now she knows how you really feel about the loser prick that she LOVES. I’ve come to a crossroads because at this point I’m like wtf. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and not lose sleep over it and move on. In the end, girls will 100% block out what they don’t want to hear about their man. It’s basically a proven theorem and if you don’t believe me, you’re an idiot and probably have the exact man in your life that I’m talking about.
However this is exceptionally different with chicks … You can give advice to your best friend about another friend like “write her a letter and buy her some wine” (basically beg for forgiveness for being a psycho betch) or “bitch her out and tell her how you really feel” (because she deserves it and if you don’t, I will). And it totally happens … Your girlfriend will take your advice much more often on this subject. They’re going to appreciate what you had to say, whether it was insightful or not and probably talk to the girl, or ignore the girl. Because we’re girls, and we KNOW how it is to be a girl. Like, WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense! But it happens. ALL THE TIME.
I’ve started asking men for their advice regarding relationships. It still sucks, but at the very least, it’s honest. It’s not going to be what you want to hear – because it’s coming from a caveman, likely. But men are typically much more clear-minded with relationships. It’s either working or it’s not. It’s either going somewhere or not and if it’s in the in between phase, it’s going to be “worth it” to work on it, or its just not worth it.
Don’t show up to the fake shit. Leave it behind. It’s not going anywhere – you are.
The choice is yours betch, do as you please. But remember that nice betches finish last in the game of advice & love. Speak your mind or keep it silent. XO