Small Talk (haha) #LOL #LMAO how are you? #IDGAF

Small talk. No time for it.

Saying “hi.” Over it. I actually kind of hate this. How awful does this make me sound? Let me rephrase – I only hate it sometimes

I don’t get how or why people think that small talk is a way to get to know other people? OR that it is fun. Am I missing out on the big picture here? Should I be sucking up to people who I don’t even know? Should I be TRYING with every bit of everything I have?! If I already know you… and we aren’t really friends… but we’re acquaintanced (not real word, but I want it to be one) enough to feel the need to say hi to one another, but really have nothing to say besides hi or how are you? and nothing else…. WHY DO WE FUCKING SAY HI????????? WHY??????? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT.<run on, long-winded sentence, sorry ’bout it>.

Is it to be polite? To be nice? To go out of our way’s to act like we care? Just so I can say that I “saw” this person and spoke to them uncaringly (also not a word) for less than 14 seconds in passing and asked them how they were, they said good how are you and I responded back with “great.” I always respond with a “great” because I don’t really enjoy describing myself as good. I’ll describe pants as good. I’ll describe a cheeseburger as good. I’ll describe some pieces of clothing as “so. GOOD.” – this has total different meaning. As in, this is so fucking good that it doesn’t even need to have a better word to describe it because everyone should just KNOW how good it actually is. But for myself – even if I’m being super minimal with conversing because I don’t want to speak a word to you – like you’re a weird stranger trying to talk to me but you have a blowout and you also have acne and you get your eyebrows done and they’re THINNER than the girls who have thin eyebrows?! – I’ll even tell those types of people that I’m “great.” With no follow up question asking how they are, because I obviously do not care. “Great” just presents well.

But for those other people who I should potentially care to mention or converse with – I’ll definitely try to say “great” at the absolute minimum. And try my best to elaborate. I’m severely guilty of this. I have the awkward conversation that nobody really wants to have with people. So, it goes like this… “OMG HI! how are you? What have you been up to? How’s your family? And your boyfriend? Oh, you aren’t with him anymore?! SHOCKING. (I already knew this from Facebook, OBVIOUSLY!!!! because so does everybody else but I’m going to act so surprised and pretend like I don’t go on Facebook every morning…). But I’ll humor myself and continue this awful conversation and answer your dumb ass questions. Because I’m really nice polite.

Probably the WORST way this conversation goes is when I am ACTUALLY INTERESTED – like I for ONCE, actually give a shit. I’m intrigued by this person because I do like them (or once did) or I’m interested in what they have to say – and then they blabber a little bit because they’re hammered and then they ask about me and I say something back and ask them a question and they just laugh or walk away or don’t respond because they’re stupid or hammered or distracted because we’re out at a bar running into each other because I don’t run in to you to begin with because we aren’t friends, remember?! UGH. Life is weird.

“How are you?” It is a question that people are too busy to really want to listen to. Like If I were to reply “Not so well.” The person isn’t really expecting to sit there and want to listen to my problem. Therefore, it just annoys me that it is a dumb question to begin with.

I’ve started to NOT actually say hi to these types of people occasionally – I’m immediately bitchier than I already was. It’s just the nature of the beast – do what you want, get immediately judged.

One of the most rewarding things about leaving teenagehood behind  is not only the confidence to say “I don’t like that,” but the balls to decide I WON’T DO THAT! I hate saying “hi” (I was incredibly relieved today when an elementary school classmate did not recognize me in my winter scarf & hat, thus skirting the awkward hello’s), along with returning snap chats, cleaning out my overly messy car, responding to stupid emails & to texts that I have no interest in, pretending to love health food, cleaning up after myself. Finally I’m confident enough to say no, I won’t do these major ass paining things. 

Sometimes, to the complete opposite…. I go WAY TOO FAR out of my way. To make myself feel fan-fucking-tastic. To make the other person feel so uncomfortably awkward because I think it’s fucking hysterical.

Like I’ll make it an awkward point to go up to my ex-boyfriend’s EX & NEW girlfriend’s and introduce myself. Different occasions, obviously. Because for some delusional reason, I think it’s funny. Funny or not, it’s stupid. Completely pointless because IDactuallyGAF. I’m already avoiding conversation with the rest of the weirdos that are trying to buy me shots – which I may accept depending on which girlfriends I’m with – or may avoid and run for the restroom. Somehow it brings me some great feeling of joy to get under other people’s skin. Ha.

A friend of mine gave me a fantastic fragment of advice the other day. I need constant reminders to be an outwardly nice person because I tend to forget – sorry. It’s okay.

She started out by saying something like this… Answer questions with open-ended responses. When somebody asks you where you’re from, you can either answer it like you want to…. “Long Island.” OR you can answer it in a different, thought provoking way, where you don’t really change what you’ve said, but more so you change how you present it. “I grew up on the South Shore of Long Island, I’ve traveled a lot for work and now really like western Long Island, although I’d love to move to Manhattan. Where are you from? Are you familiar with Long Island?” Much different. Much better. Intriguing, thought-provoking answer to a boring question. Instead of a closed response that I wanted to answer with. Food for thought.

I have social anxiety sometimes so I’m happy if I get by with just a “hi” to these people IDGAF about. But if they continue with “how are you” it mildly kills me. OMG, don’t you have anything more exciting or interesting to say to me?! I can probably talk to you about some random things that are going on in my life that are somewhat cool or interesting. Or at least, funny awkward stories about my morning! THAT – or I do something even more awkward like start dancing and get the surrounding people to feel super uncomfortable because I’m having SO MUCH FUN! and won’t get out of your face. Or drop my entire Ketel & club with limes on your foot. Yup.

So if this post did it’s job effectively, nobody will even chance coming up to me the next time they see me out and I won’t have to say hi to anybody or grace them with my awkward string of questions. I’m also going to work on my 20 second elevator speech and let you guys know how that goes…

Emoji-Pop-Hand-And-Lips

GIRLS

Being a female and having interaction with other females is beyond fascinating to me. Are we always in competition with one another? Are we always looking for a friend? Are we always looking to protect ourselves? Should we be? Women hold their relationships with males and females much differently. Especially when asking for advice. I’m a firm believer in asking for advice when I’m dealing with indecision – honestly, if you’re reading this blog post I’ve probably asked you for advice before. Maybe you’ve asked me for my advice or my opinion. Maybe you didn’t, but I gave it to you anyway. Sorry in advance for when I give you advice or an opinion that you may not want to hear. Anyway, it’s human nature to care about what others think and maybe better yourself from at least their thoughts on previous experiences.

200_s

One thing that truly sometimes interests me – (this is really fucking boring because it’s always the same story) is how females confide in other females. Girls spend hours trying to help give advice to our friends when they are going trough a hard time with their boyfriend/fiancée/husband/random guy that they’re talking to. I’ve found that females will hardly EVER take the advice that other females give to them. I have countless examples in my everyday life & I’m sure you do too. Girls are fucking annoying. I sit and think to myself, “Why the fuck did I stress out about this issue you’re dealing with…FOR YOU when you ended up doing the complete opposite of what I suggested?” This is a constant. Relationships aren’t constant but advice/talking about the relationship/having to listen to the relationship is beyond constant.

As girl friends, we should really just be there to listen –  and then let them be. I’m a firm believer that at the end of the day and in the end of the decision making, the chick will always do what THEY want. DUH! Aren’t you always going to do what you want… Eventually, at least?

tumblr_m5irbiyVNV1qgnf7bo1_250

Instead we should just provide wine, and actively listen. Listen – after it’s been the 17th time you’ve heard this great and exciting story? I know. You don’t want to – I don’t either. I didn’t enjoy telling it that many times either and neither did your bestie – unless, she’s that type and loves to talk about herself. Which, I’m sorry! And, instead of offering up our great advice, wait it out. And then, don’t judge their dumb ass decision after they make it.

tumblr_mgqw86auFF1qgu742o10_r3_250

Because it’s never what you suggested. Just know this. And be okay with this.

reesewitherspoon

Reese, this is the worst thing you’ve ever said. Sorry, dolly.

Women on the other hand, will  ALWAYS take advice on how to handle girl fights.  Never their guy fights. Maybe “fight” is a harsh word—disagreements, questions, unsure moments, drunk arguments?

Example : Here’s a scenario that is potentially happening with a best friend. I have suspicions and then confirm to have found out your boyfriend has been cheating on you. SHOCKING! (to nobody). You’re pissed obviously, so you decide to do something about it. You can do as I would do – punch him in the fucking face, I mean…talk to him about it politely. JK. What I would really do is think of some conniving way to bring it up in front of him so that he knows that you know, without actually discussing it. At least make this bro shit his pants for a few days.  To the girl you’re going to think about it and think about it. It will go something like this. “Here is my advice that I prepared to give you for the past 2 nights so that I don’t offend you. I’m obviously really trying to help.” My advice : BREAK UP!  She’s devastated. She cries to you. She’s never been this miserable in her entire life.

tumblr_mg939jMoVP1r4h1ero1_500

What she does? Stays with him!!! WHAT? WHY? Because, as always – this girl did what she wanted, whether it was right or wrong. She “talked to” this guy, they’re working on things, he’s so so sorry and it will never happen again. Until it does, OBVIOUSLY!

image001355089022169vqzl97

But whatever – It’s done and it’s not your decision. It’s worthless to give your opinion about a man. Especially, never give an opinion to your best friend about her man that’s negative — because when she continues to stay with this guy, you’re going to have countless awkward encounters and now she knows how you really feel about the loser prick that she LOVES. I’ve come to a crossroads because at this point I’m like wtf. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and not lose sleep over it and move on. In the end, girls will 100% block out what they don’t want to hear about their man. It’s basically a proven theorem and if you don’t believe me,  you’re an idiot and probably have the exact man in your life that I’m talking about.

ku-medium

However this is exceptionally different with chicks … You can give advice to your best friend about another friend like “write her a letter and buy her some wine” (basically beg for forgiveness for being a psycho betch) or “bitch her out and tell her how you really feel” (because she deserves it and if you don’t, I will). And it totally happens … Your girlfriend will take your advice much more often on this subject. They’re going to appreciate what you had to say, whether it was insightful or not and probably talk to the girl, or ignore the girl. Because we’re girls, and we KNOW how it is to be a girl. Like, WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense! But it happens. ALL THE TIME.

323b738340e7e15710aa4f3e869a91ae

I’ve started asking men for their advice regarding relationships. It still sucks, but at the very least, it’s honest. It’s not going to be what you want to hear – because it’s coming from a caveman, likely. But men are typically much more clear-minded with relationships. It’s either working or it’s not. It’s either going somewhere or not and if it’s in the in between phase, it’s going to be “worth it” to work on it, or its just not worth it.

Don’t show up to the fake shit. Leave it behind. It’s not going anywhere – you are.

tumblr_mjhifnMTRQ1rnf5opo2_r1_250

The choice is yours betch, do as you please. But remember that nice betches finish last in the game of advice & love. Speak your mind or keep it silent. XO

tumblr_memes4e4th1rj7aioo1_500