Podcast Season

Lately I have been overly obsessed with Podcasts. Mostly because I spend a lot of time on the subway – commuting, underground with no cell service. So like – what else am I going to do aside from listen to Bieber and Halsey and repeat?

Easy! Listen to podcasts…

Yeah, that’s right. Podcasts! That small purple app that comes automatically loaded on your iPhone that you’ve gone ahead and stored in that weird folder you never open – along with Wallet, Tips, Compass, Voice Memos, Calculator (I use this often actually). Yeah, that one – Podcasts. Just make sure to download them ahead of time so you can listen freely whenever you want (or when you don’t have cell service while you’re on the subway).

This morning I began listening to a new one by The New York Times and wbur called Modern Love. Modern Love is a section of The New York Times where New Yorker’s write essays about their interesting experiences with love. The podcast is essentially the essays being read aloud by famous actors and actresses and followed by conversation and feedback from the original authors. Jason Alexander (George Costanza of Seinfeld) recited Episode 2. Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story & many others) narrates this week’s episode, which I’ll be listening to on my way home from work tonight.

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If you’ve never listened to Podcasts before, I totally understand your hesitance. It took me months and months to take the listening suggestions and actually start listening. We are programmed as human beings to have hyperactive senses and want all of them to be receptive at all times. AKA utter chaos, always. With that being said, it’s somehow really nice to just open up and listen to something instead of watching something, checking your phone, getting distracted so easily… Feel free to close your eyes while listening, I do sometimes. Except I’m sort of lying because closing your eyes on the subway is not the safest thing to do; use caution.

Below are some of my other favorites with quick reviews:

CYG – Call Your Girlfriend – “A podcast for long distance besties everywhere” by Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow. If you’re a chick, you can and will completely relate to this podcast. It feels exactly like chatting with your friends on the phone about current events, controversial topics, health & wellness, real life everyday struggles. Both of the chicks are very feminist, aka super empowering and really just fab to listen to. They interview their friends and colleagues and empowering women every few weeks, which I LOVE. Brings even more personality to the table. There’s also a million of these so you can listen to them for what feels like forever.

SerialCreated by This American Life and hosted by Sarah Koenig where a real life true story is unfolded week by week (now Season 2 is bi-weekly) throughout the season. Very interesting, and if you watched Netflix’s Making a Murderer recently, then you’ll really like this, promise. Season 1 is still my favorite, even midway through Season 2. Keeps you at the edge of your seat, I listened to the first season in like 24 hours last year on vacay in Aruba. Just highly recommend this on many levels – especially to like, keep up with social norms…

Monocycle with Leandra Medine – Very real, very smart, very quick, approx. 10 minute podcast about – Leandra’s life. She’s the cool-girl fashion chick who created the website Man Repeller. Mostly I love that she’s breaking down and talking about things that many women are not comfortable talking about.

Another one I listen to randomly is called “Oh Boy” also brought to you by Man Repeller. <3 Episode 19 featuring Alexa Chung just came out and I’m a fan! Interviews with lots of celebs / fashion people / writers & bloggers / cool people in general, worth a listen if you see a person you know of. 

Women Of The Hour – Lena Dunham & Buzzfeed collabo podcast “about friendship, love, work, bodies, and more.” There were many excerpts from this podcast that strongly resonated with me and I bet would resonate with you as well. Lena is life, and another recent venture she’s on is Lenny, also worth checking out – very female forward and progressive.

Podcast on, my friends!

Xx

Forewarning Does NOT Make it OKAY!

Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.

“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”

It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…

Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.

Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?

Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.

UMMMMM…. WHAT?

Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?

GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”

Better Example:

Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?

Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.

Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!

End. Done. Clean break.

P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.

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photo credit: @crimebydesign

 

GIRLS

Being a female and having interaction with other females is beyond fascinating to me. Are we always in competition with one another? Are we always looking for a friend? Are we always looking to protect ourselves? Should we be? Women hold their relationships with males and females much differently. Especially when asking for advice. I’m a firm believer in asking for advice when I’m dealing with indecision – honestly, if you’re reading this blog post I’ve probably asked you for advice before. Maybe you’ve asked me for my advice or my opinion. Maybe you didn’t, but I gave it to you anyway. Sorry in advance for when I give you advice or an opinion that you may not want to hear. Anyway, it’s human nature to care about what others think and maybe better yourself from at least their thoughts on previous experiences.

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One thing that truly sometimes interests me – (this is really fucking boring because it’s always the same story) is how females confide in other females. Girls spend hours trying to help give advice to our friends when they are going trough a hard time with their boyfriend/fiancée/husband/random guy that they’re talking to. I’ve found that females will hardly EVER take the advice that other females give to them. I have countless examples in my everyday life & I’m sure you do too. Girls are fucking annoying. I sit and think to myself, “Why the fuck did I stress out about this issue you’re dealing with…FOR YOU when you ended up doing the complete opposite of what I suggested?” This is a constant. Relationships aren’t constant but advice/talking about the relationship/having to listen to the relationship is beyond constant.

As girl friends, we should really just be there to listen –  and then let them be. I’m a firm believer that at the end of the day and in the end of the decision making, the chick will always do what THEY want. DUH! Aren’t you always going to do what you want… Eventually, at least?

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Instead we should just provide wine, and actively listen. Listen – after it’s been the 17th time you’ve heard this great and exciting story? I know. You don’t want to – I don’t either. I didn’t enjoy telling it that many times either and neither did your bestie – unless, she’s that type and loves to talk about herself. Which, I’m sorry! And, instead of offering up our great advice, wait it out. And then, don’t judge their dumb ass decision after they make it.

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Because it’s never what you suggested. Just know this. And be okay with this.

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Reese, this is the worst thing you’ve ever said. Sorry, dolly.

Women on the other hand, will  ALWAYS take advice on how to handle girl fights.  Never their guy fights. Maybe “fight” is a harsh word—disagreements, questions, unsure moments, drunk arguments?

Example : Here’s a scenario that is potentially happening with a best friend. I have suspicions and then confirm to have found out your boyfriend has been cheating on you. SHOCKING! (to nobody). You’re pissed obviously, so you decide to do something about it. You can do as I would do – punch him in the fucking face, I mean…talk to him about it politely. JK. What I would really do is think of some conniving way to bring it up in front of him so that he knows that you know, without actually discussing it. At least make this bro shit his pants for a few days.  To the girl you’re going to think about it and think about it. It will go something like this. “Here is my advice that I prepared to give you for the past 2 nights so that I don’t offend you. I’m obviously really trying to help.” My advice : BREAK UP!  She’s devastated. She cries to you. She’s never been this miserable in her entire life.

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What she does? Stays with him!!! WHAT? WHY? Because, as always – this girl did what she wanted, whether it was right or wrong. She “talked to” this guy, they’re working on things, he’s so so sorry and it will never happen again. Until it does, OBVIOUSLY!

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But whatever – It’s done and it’s not your decision. It’s worthless to give your opinion about a man. Especially, never give an opinion to your best friend about her man that’s negative — because when she continues to stay with this guy, you’re going to have countless awkward encounters and now she knows how you really feel about the loser prick that she LOVES. I’ve come to a crossroads because at this point I’m like wtf. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and not lose sleep over it and move on. In the end, girls will 100% block out what they don’t want to hear about their man. It’s basically a proven theorem and if you don’t believe me,  you’re an idiot and probably have the exact man in your life that I’m talking about.

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However this is exceptionally different with chicks … You can give advice to your best friend about another friend like “write her a letter and buy her some wine” (basically beg for forgiveness for being a psycho betch) or “bitch her out and tell her how you really feel” (because she deserves it and if you don’t, I will). And it totally happens … Your girlfriend will take your advice much more often on this subject. They’re going to appreciate what you had to say, whether it was insightful or not and probably talk to the girl, or ignore the girl. Because we’re girls, and we KNOW how it is to be a girl. Like, WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense! But it happens. ALL THE TIME.

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I’ve started asking men for their advice regarding relationships. It still sucks, but at the very least, it’s honest. It’s not going to be what you want to hear – because it’s coming from a caveman, likely. But men are typically much more clear-minded with relationships. It’s either working or it’s not. It’s either going somewhere or not and if it’s in the in between phase, it’s going to be “worth it” to work on it, or its just not worth it.

Don’t show up to the fake shit. Leave it behind. It’s not going anywhere – you are.

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The choice is yours betch, do as you please. But remember that nice betches finish last in the game of advice & love. Speak your mind or keep it silent. XO

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