Sag Harbor, NY
February 14, 2017 💕
Go to the ocean. Often.
One of my best friends made a promise to herself in 2015 that she would go to the ocean once a month for every month of that year.
Even if it was cold, even if it was inconvenient and even if she had no time to do it – she went to the ocean. Being there in solitude or with a friend is really grounding – makes you think and allows you to reflect on what’s happened and look forward to what will happen.
This year I’m going to further this challenge with a vow to visit the ocean on a weekly basis or even more often, if possible. Starting a bit late into 2016, I was able to “make it” to the ocean once in January and once in February. Look for some photos and segments as 2016 goes on. #GoToTheOcean
I love this dirty sign. ❤
All photos taken at different spots in Montauk, NY.
Exploring my personal journey and list of Things to Do and Things NOT to Do.
It’s okay to cry (even if you hated that job anyway)…but you’ve got to stop feeling bad for yourself as soon as possible. Other people will feel bad for you but they’re really just judging you. So get your shit together ASAP.
Do travel if you have the opportunity to get somewhere while you don’t have a current commitment. Go wherever you can. I got laid off in the middle of April 2015 and headed to the west coast the first week of May. Get the F out if you can, it’s great for soul searching.
Do spend your money wisely. You aren’t officially guaranteed any significant amount of money after your severance package runs out (if you were lucky enough to get one) and unemployment money is not even close to enough to allow you to afford to live. Remember: you’re still going to have all the bills you had when you were working full time.
Do eat out every meal for the first few days with your friends and loved ones. I mean – they’ll probably buy your breakfast/lunch/dinner/drinks because you just lost your job and they’re gonna feel bad for you. Just remember to pay it forward if this ever happens to them and when you get a job again in the future.
Don’t continue to eat out every meal to comfort yourself to way too long. It gets WAY too expensive and you’ll get WAY too bloated because of all the salt that’s added to food.
Review what you learned from this job and be thankful for everything it provided. Use all your resources. Revise your resume… a million times. I think I have about 17 copies of my resume and about 52 specific versions of cover letters that I’ve sent to companies saved on my Macbook.
Realize that if people have never asked you “what you do for work?” before, they will immediately start asking you a million fucking times what you do for work. Be prepared to craft an interesting enough response to this annoying question because saying you’re “unemployed” is both boring and makes you look completely unable to be hired. Make sure your crafted response is not longer than a few sentences because in reality the person doesn’t actually care.
*PRO TIP: If you really hate the person who asked you, “What do you do?” or “What are you up to nowadays?” you can fib and tell them you’re “freelancing in NYC and the money & flexibility is amazing,” as you end the conversation and walk away.
Do ask your friends and family for help getting interviews / suggestions of companies to work for – you’ll be surprised by how much they can help.
In the same breath, do not expect ANYTHING to come out of what you ask for help from friends and family. Many people have much less power in the hiring process than they assume to have. It’s not their fault, but people help you much less than they’ll actually tell you.
“Yeah, send me a copy of your resume and I’ll pass it along.”
For some reason, this statement irks me more than anything! It’s a bogus response when a person doesn’t know what else to say… typically if they actually have something for you or know of something or have the power to do something, they would provide a more informative response or detailed information. That being said… my reaction to a statement like this is:
2. Actually send a resume. They typically had a pretty negative return on resume investment. But I guess depending on how desperate you are or how bad you want it – it’s always worth a shot! So the better option is to… send it along!
*PRO TIP: Don’t trust strangers from Craigslist in NYC that make you meet them in person at the Ace Hotel in midtown for a “casting call.” Do not pay them $400 for head shots needed for guaranteed work. Especially if her name is Dylan. After her persistence for your payment wears off & if you actually pay her, she’ll literally ghost you and you’ll never hear from her again. (Embarrassingly true story). Ughhh..
Do take time to work on things that you previously never had time for.
Do find things that will bring you joy for very little money. There are so many really rad things to do for very little money or free in this world. Find a friend who’s weird enough / down enough to do different things with you and you’re golden.
Do try to find your passions and re-work your resume so that you can find work in a field that you like.
Don’t take any old job that you know you’re going to hate. You’ll be much more miserable than you were when you didn’t have a job at all. And not having a job is sort of miserable if you aren’t independently wealthy. Or if your parents don’t support your lifestyle with a trust fund or other means of endless cash.
Do network with as many people in your industry (and different industries too!). You should’ve been doing this all along tbh, BUT – if you haven’t reached out to those random people you met at that last networking event – now is the time. NOW is the best time because you actually have the time. Find out what they’re up to, ask them questions, ask for advice or suggestions. Step outside your comfort zone – because it does feel uncomfortable to cold email people. What’s the worst that can happen? Literally – the worst thing probably is – they don’t respond. And honestly, that’s not that bad. Move on to the next person – BYEEEE.
Hang out with every single person you know. It will make you realize who is important to you. Who you decide to see more and were actually happier seeing less of. Who you want to see more of and realize how much you really missed them. Who you didn’t want to see more of, but decided to see more of because you were feeling open and trusted the feelings but ended up just getting your heart blown out, for the fifth time.
When you do start a job though after being pseudo unemployed for an entire summer, culture shock will ensue. Be prepared.
Sometimes it takes like 1 week to find a job and sometimes it takes 3.5 months to find a job. Sometimes the job you found after 3.5 months is not viable to sustain your life or support you financially. But you still take this job because it’s something. If this job is not going to support you financially again, do not hesitate to take any and every interview you can get.
*PRO TIP: Beware of what you say in front of co-workers and who you share particular information with (mainly regarding interviews). Also beware that it looks ridiculous when you are constantly going to “doctors appointments.”
Even when your job searching is a completely ridiculous and terrible experience and you go on 25-30+ interviews and second round interviews and meet the CEO interviews in a 9 month period – you may still not find a job. You may find a job that you hate. Or you may find a job that you like. Or you may find a job that will grow to love in time… that’s where I am right now.
Sometimes you have to choose a lower salary with better quality of life to sustain some of your own personal goals. Obviously there is a lot to consider when making career decisions – the choice must be financially viable, but also healthy and your well-being should be a factor you consider. In the end you’ve got to do what works well for you, what you can afford and where you see yourself moving forward with growth potential and mental clarity. Sometimes it takes being unemployed or being in a place that doesn’t work well for you to see the light.
Talking about money can be difficult conversation for practically every person reading this essay. I’m not going to tell anybody that it’s not difficult. But what I will say is that being more vocal about it really does help. “Ask and you shall receive. Don’t ask and you won’t ever know what you didn’t receive.” – modestly changing biblical quotes, OK? Main takeaway is that it’s a challenge to find people who are looking out for you. You’ve got to look out for yourself. So, do that. Ask for more money. It’s #EqualPayDay today, April 12th, 2016, so let’s celebrate it.
Being laid off at 26 was a challenging time in my life, but the lessons learned and the growth that came along with it was well worth it.
So I’ve done quite a bit of “how-to’s” on this blog, but this one is quite a bit – well… Different.
I received a message from one of my BFFs about a month ago telling me some big “news.” And NO, that it wasn’t her engagement, that in fact it was the total effing opposite. She was leaving. Picking up her fabulous life and turning it completely upside down. Ending the relationship, leaving her job and leaving her city. I was shocked, yet I knew she knew exactly what she was doing. She’s one of the most intelligent and self-aware people I’ve met in this world. And so strong. Strength I’ve rarely seen before especially in my peers, especially in 20 & 30 something’s.
After thinking about this over and over again, I realized she was doing what many of us find so intimidating and nearly impossible to do. Being afraid of getting our heart broken and even breaking another person’s heart is both frightening and intimidating. Love is such a strong emotion that ending or breaking is not an easy part of it – no matter how well you plan for it. But here she is, a beautiful, awesome, powerful and intelligent girl who loves harder than most I know – doing it to herself.
Breaking her own heart. For the better of her relationship and their lives going forward. Doing it FOR herself. By her own will and merit.
Are you in a relationship or workplace or friendship or anything that you need to step away from?
Find something. Deep within yourself. Find the strength to pick up and release yourself. It doesn’t need to be dramatic. No need for the applause or the social media presence. It doesn’t mean you need to cut all ties or end something in a hurtful way. You can just move on by yourself. Find the way. (Find your true north! #Wanderlust).
Maybe it’s the complete opposite for you – maybe it’s getting back into something. For example: You love doing ActivityX but your current life doesn’t allow for time to do ActivityX. You’ve got to make the time for ActivityX. You be X. Nobody else will do X for you. Nobody else will do shit for you for that matter. It’s you and you. Control is what we’re after here. Set some goals. Create a timeline and move it. Control your own aspirations, your own goals and your own feelings. Take control of yourself and your future, even if you have to break your own heart while doing so.
2014 was a year of major change for me. Physically, emotionally, locally, globally – all changes. Changed my job field and location. Changed my residence (more times than I’d like to admit — ok, fine – 4!). My family changed, I lost my dad. Changed my relationship status (again, more times than I’d like to admit, but actually won’t admit). I’ve embraced a lot of change and I’m a firm believer in working toward the life you want. Dream chasing is a great way to do that, short term goal setting is a productive way to do that. There’s always a positive vibe in change, although maybe not right away. It comes. Time heals. Time takes time. Keep it in today.
Can’t wait for whatever changes may come this year. I’m not setting resolutions, I’m continuing to goal set and slowly move toward whatever I want and whatever comes my way. Looking forward to some stability in 2015. There’s no rules in 2015… so start your change or your stability whenever you see fit. ❤ Keep it on lock.
*I never learned French though, it’s on my goal list for this year. Already have the Rosetta Stone.
– Ask me what I do for a living as your ice breaker. Or how much money I make. It’s not okay.
– Get so drunk that you use the “sorry I said what I said when I was drunk” excuse. More than once. To the same person. This is a MAJOR flaw I have. I’m learning to keep my mouth shut. It’s not easy and usually takes a traumatic incidence or 7 to come to terms with this.
– Over pluck or over wax! Or wax in general – your eyebrows. Biggest mistake of your life. Trust.
– Flaunt your money. It’s unbecoming. What’s worse is being the cheapest MF in town. It’s one thing to be frugal, it’s another to be an asshole. Don’t spend money, spend time. Rather, don’t spend time – share time.
– Overdo it. Keep it 100, but also just relax.
– Tell your personal problems to everyone you know. Sharing is caring. It’s giving ammunition to all of those around you and spilling your world into places that will become invalid and invaluable. Only share what’s important to you with those who are important to you. And always be aware that when you ask for advice from people, they will give it. Don’t ask for advice from people who aren’t going to give you the right answer for you.
– Post every aspect of your life on Facebook as a status update. Just don’t do it. Keep it natural and organic. And I suggest getting yourself a Twitter. So that I can effortlessly not follow you.
– Keep it all to yourself. It’s okay to lean on those who are close to you sometimes. It’s okay to ask for help and love and advice. It’s okay to occasionally swallow your price and rely on another human being. The human race can make anything happen. Use your resources and get shit done.
All natural. Hashtag no filter. Hashtag no makeup. Hashtag natural beauty. Makeup free Monday. Beauty from within. Fucking liars. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that nothing in a daily beauty look is really natural. All natural is the result of serious practice. Hard labor.
It takes one to know one. It takes work. If you’re not working now, I will LOVE to laugh at your gross lines and wrinkles
20 4 years from now. The best care is preventative care. Not reactive care.
Don’t wear too much makeup or try too hard. Wear makeup that makes it look like you’re not wearing makeup. Try to avoid the intense foundation, especially if you can see it. Use something so sheer or lighten it up by mixing with a moisturizer to make your own Bb cream. Avoid too many colors and avoid too major of bronzer. Mascara works wonders (Chanel Le Volume, trust).
Don’t blow dry your hair everyday and don’t color it so often. I’ve been victim to both of those things with overly drying results. Change takes time but you can change your hair [look and feeling] with a few simple regimen changes (like a hair mask).
Keep nails short and well manicured. This does not necessarily mean having polish on your manicured nails. I try to stick to nude tones, red tones or black tones – but in reality, my polish color choices have evolved over time and I still pick a bright crazy color on occasion. When you do have polish, keep it clean. I would rather see unpolished nails than ratchet half-polished or a 3 week old mani. Keep them clean as well, dirty nails are for 5 year old boys.
Take care of your hands, lotion up! And when you’re moisturizing your face, start from the bottom up! Moisturize the skin on your chest (décolletage) and neck. Move from the center of your face outward, in upward sweeping motions. Pull the skin upward, gravity pulls it down all day. Try to reverse effects of aging this way. Who knows if it actually works but — better than downward motion! AmIrite?
Under eye cream is a MUST. Start this now. Before you need it. So that when you really need it, you won’t really need it that bad.
The au natural look will get more and more chic with age. And it gets more and more easy with regard to time and confidence. You’ll feel more confident in your skin and going natural when you wear less makeup to begin with. Work hard.
This week has been eye opening. I’m thankful. I’m confused. I’m content. I’m scared. I’m crying. I’m relieved. I have no idea what to do and I’m not okay with that, yet I’m completely okay with being in the unknown. I’m at peace and the peace is lasting for the longest time that it has in a very long time.
Saturday, November 8, 2014 I lost my father to multiple myeloma (link for details). It was an excruciating and long battle – lots of downs and back ups and back down agains. Lots of laughs, lots of cries. All memories of moments that I will cherish forever. After years of observation, I’ve found that often times, girls have a sense of comfort with their dad’s and love to be “daddy’s little girl.” I loved that and will continue to be that forever. My relationship with dad had moved beyond that though. We were best friends. Always kept an honesty policy with each other and never failed to tell the truth no matter how harsh. Because we had moved on toward the realness of life and death – we spoke about everything. The real shit that not all father/daughters have to embrace together. The realness that I honestly don’t wish father/daughters have to cope with together until far later on in life because it sucks. But it grows you. And I highly recommend it. I’ve covered my eyes. I’ve cried with him, over him and for him. I’ve held myself strong to show him that it would be okay when he was eventually gone and that I would be OK. I’m not in a place to feel OK, but I do feel OK. I sometimes like to scream a lot or over share – hence my blog. Dad was a sharer – an over sharer, for def sure. I’ve never met another person in my life that was more self-centered than my dad. Self-centered in the best possible way – just LOVED to chat. About himself – about other people – he loved to ask questions. So much so that it would be difficult to get him to keep it quiet in mostly any circumstance. Regardless of what he had to say – it was always meaningful. There was always a lesson behind each story. I say “stories” because I never knew if they were actually true…
Keeping myself busy with as many positive things as I possibly can at this point. To spread the love and continue on the legacy of how awesome my Dad was – I’m going to contribute a few different public work projects in the world. Things that people like. Things that benefit all types of people – no discrimination ever. Because regardless of the way a person acts, looks or presents themselves — you never quite know who they are. Unless you ask. And you listen.
Consider donating to a fundraiser that I will continue to host and contribute fresh pieces to public spaces that all people can enjoy and love. Love first.
A “retrospective” – looking back on or dealing with past events or situations.
Fitting, really. Art in various forms has always been a passion of mine – since I see art in so many aspects of everyday life. Constantly wondering how a person created an object, idea or work. Where did it come from? How could one create something so major? So massive – whether in size or in thought…
Photos of my favorites!