The Apology

“It’s a shame that at some point people developed the belief that apologies make you look weak.” – LD

Sometimes Facebook inspires me. I know, right?! Who AM I? But this quote really struck me and as soon as I read it my mind started moving – a million miles a minute.

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Apologizing is really difficult. There are times where I should have apologized or excused myself but I failed to do so because I felt like I looked dumb. I’m afraid this happens to a lot of us and we’re too afraid to admit it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am by no means “team sorry” at all. Too many “I’m sorry’s” turns it into a meaningless statement that nobody appreciates or believes.

When people say “I’m sorry” as a form of endearment (vomit), I literally would prefer to rip their heads off their skulls than ever listen to their voice again…
Example:
Me: (complaining voice) “I don’t know what to do on Saturdaaaaaaay.”
Rando: “I’m sorry.”
Me: face of disgust (I’m not going to give you the feeling of accomplishment by saying “you don’t need to be sorry – nothing you did” because OBVIOUSLY! Like duh it’s not your fault. Why don’t you have a conversation instead of that closed ended response of I’m sorry. Ugh don’t speak to me ever I’m walking away now – bye.
“Yeah.”

Thanks for nothing, bro.

Apologizing has gotten the stigma of making people look weak. Especially in the workplace.

In families and intimate relationships, I’m sorry is a statement that gets overused and abused. Or worse, not used at all.

You expect your parents to do so much for you and they have done a lot for you since your birth YET you get frustrated and annoyed with them and forget to say please and thank you. Or apologize for when you forget. Even friends or boyfriends & girlfriends take the brunt of the over-apology, the non-apology, the fake-apology or the no-apology-at-all.

At work or with superiors is where I feel the apology has taken a back seat. As an employee, you don’t want to feel like a major IDIOT so you don’t apologize. You don’t want to let your boss think that you are making excuses. Which maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. However – it’s all in the presentation.

Boss: “You missed this entire report it should have been sent out yesterday. Now it won’t be there in time and we’re going to be in deep shit!”

Wrong response #1: Oops, Sorry!
Wrong response #2: (Do nothing & slowly scurry back to your desk).
Wrong response #3: Well, ya see – the reason why I didn’t do that is because I was waiting for Johnny to give me the correct answer and he didn’t respond to any of my emails.

Correct response: I apologize for not being thorough and completing this. I’ll work on it immediately and get it out by courier today so to will arrive immediately. Anything else that you’d suggest?

Bottom line is – be aware of your words and take initiative to face your mistakes and overcome them by apologizing for what was wrong in the situation.

Go back to your roots! By that I mean, Pre-School! I also need to get back to my roots meaning my roots specialist aka hair girl, because they’re in desperate need of some TLC.

In the meantime, Say you’re Sorry’s, Thank You’s and Your Welcome’s! Please do not believe that an apology makes you weak – WORK it, MAKE it, DO it, makes us Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. -Kanye ❤

How To: Get What You Want

DO NOT ACCEPT NO AS AN ANSWER.

Here I’m going to provide you with a few quick tactics over 3 posts on

HOW TOGET WHAT YOU WANT!

If you’re 100% DEVOTED to making something happen – you do not allow “No” to happen. It’s all about your approach. If you’re smart, you give the party you’re negotiating with some options – you will never allow the other party to win because you’re not giving them an option that you’re not going to gain at least something… The options you give make the person decide which is the lesser of all evils for them of all of your options. Leave them with no choice but to pick their best option (potentially your shittiest option) which is still a win for you and at the worst a moderate loss for them. You don’t care about what they lose, but you want to be sure that they’re in fact gaining something as well.

People like to win. People like to feel good about themselves. You must make this happen. Talk to people about what they’re interested in – who cares if you don’t like Game of Thrones and they’re obsessed with it? Learn something ironic about Game of Thrones and talk to this person about it. Be interested, you’re getting ahead with them! I have no fucking clue what Game of Thrones is, BTW.

This is simple for betches who get what they want on a daily basis. If you cannot cope with the fact that you may not get what you want – you will learn exactly how to never have that happen to you. Ever again.

You manipulate people. It sounds messed up, but you do it in a way that they do not even realize it. You learn how to let people work for you. And still gain ground. You literally make people feel good about themselves. You make people feel like they’re really important (because they are…right?!). You butter them up a little bit – they’re guaranteed to be a little bit more willing to do something for you. I”m not talking about lying and cheating and stealing from people here. Become genuinely interested in people – it works! I’m talking about showing people how they’re gaining from what they’re doing by helping YOU!

Smile. Duh. It looks better on yaaa…

People think about themselves. Such an obvious thing here but REMEMBER A PERSON’S NAME!! It makes a huge difference and they’ll like you a lot for it. People put themselves first always (usually always, unless Mom’s)- so if what you’re asking of them will really benefit them in some way all whilst really benefiting you – they’re 100% going to do it. And you just won. And you just manipulated somebody in doing something for you. And you didn’t have to do it.

You LISTENED. Listening is key here – you need to let this person express their feelings and you need to feel compassion for this person and make them feel really great after talking to you. They’re going to want that great feeling again – they’ll be chasing that high. They’re going to want to spend time with you and be around you. You’re winning (they are too) but it doesn’t matter because you are.

“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” – Dale Carnegie

References from: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

…more to follow on this baby…

I’m a…SLAVE for you

My nightmare continues

Every morning I open my eyes and wake up by myself (usually) and reach for my little rectangular device that I’m alarmingly obsessed with. I say alarming because my alarm is most likely going off while I’m reaching for my iPhone. Begin “the daily read” – iMessage, Instagram, Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, other random social sites that you may be on? Yeah.

iPhone obsession is real. Social media obsession is even more real. The real real. Real fucking scary. Really fucking not okay. How am I supposed to live my amazing life with this iPhone not by my side? But how am I supposed to live at all being so attached? Why are we so attached? Why can’t we put it down? I mean I know we can – until it vibrates or makes the sound you’ve been waiting for or worse, dreading.

People aren’t living in the moment, they’re capturing it. How do you remain solely in today and not in tomorrow? Or the next moment? Or in the next upload to social media? How often are you about to do some pretty normal activity and somebody pulls out their phone and takes a pic of what you’re about to do?

Envision yourself in this oh-so-familiar scenario: So you’re at a bar with a good friend and you’ve had quite the week. Actually nothing in particular really happened that was that great to mention… but you’re tired? but you’re taking Jameson shots because you want to celebrate? Because you rule?! And why not? You’re excited to cheers your little chupito and slam it down and just as you lift your 1oz. shot glass….your bestie whips her phone out and captures your “cheers!” SO EPIC… Actually she got a really good picture (which you obviously had to review before it went anywhere public). But you & your friend did all of this before that shot of Jameson even reached your thirsty lips. What is wrong here? Great job capturing the moment bestie! Also great job completely avoiding living in a particular moment of starting the night off right with a shot.

It’s not all about taking shots, although I wish it would be some of the time (most of the time) always. How do you remove that desire? I’m trying to teach myself that I don’t have to capture every second. And if I do capture it, I don’t have to publish it.

“I’ve been trying this thing where instead of uploading things to social media that have the intention of making other people feel insecure, I’m trying to make others feel good. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. I want people to look at me and my pictures and say, “oooh I wanna be her friend!” Not like F that bitch I want her new bag.” – bestie shoutout.

Could not agree with this more though – we live in a world where sharing what you’re doing has become so standard, it’s depressing me. Like – I. cannot. wait… for you to go on your Caribbean vacation this week so that you can upload the following photos (in order):
1. Passport / Boarding Pass
2. Packing / or how bad you are at packing (me!)
3. Airport delay (OMG! NOOOO! Feel sad for me, I’m going to St. Maarten but first I have to sit in JFK for 3 hours! Bummer…)
4. Shot of clouds/sunset/view from your seat on JetBlue with a airplane wing in the bottom right hand corner.
5. Your hotel view. (GORGE!)
6. Your beach view/ your beach selfie #selfie #obvi #paradiseselfie #lovethis #beachlife
7. The amazing man/woman you’re in paradise with (I’m literally holding back vomit heaves right now)…
8. Delicious dinner you’re about to enjoy.
9. Jet skiing / other fun outdoor shit.
10. Last day in paradise! So sad. Sad face. 😦 But why the fuck are u sad if you’re in paradise?
11. Back to NY where it’s cold an awful weather and you’re so miserable to come back to reality because your regular life is so boring and the best thing you will upload on Instagram this upcoming week is your gourmet lunch/ new shoes / #selfie / your really awesome dog. COOL – not.

I regress… People are pretending to be “living.” Get back to it and actually live people! And actually love! LOL.

I’ve tried an experiment with friends over dinner and it turned out to be quite entertaining… 6 of us went out for dinner at a local, eclectic restaurant. Trying to salvage conversation and bring everyone back down to earth, one person made an interesting statement or rule, if you will:  No phones the entire dinner. The fun part was that everybody had to place their phone face down in the middle of the dinner table. You can leave sound on or off, but you cannot view the screen. Nobody knows who’s texting you, or if you are even the one who is being texted or called. You cannot answer. You cannot touch the phones. You pay no attention to the phones, even though they’re all sitting right there directly in front of you. It’s an experiment. Because as soon as you hear that sound, you immediately want to reach. I started to get extremely antsy within the first few moments because obvi I was awaiting a text for my plans later with my fake boyfriend. The kicker to this game is that, the person who picks up their phone first, pays for the entire dinner. The guy who suggested the game ended up paying for the entire dinner anyway, but the point was that great conversation was available and it was uninterrupted and real and genuine. #NOFILTER

Try it sometime, highly recommended. Take a break, it helps. As I take my break, I find a really fantastic inspirational quote that I must crop and upload to Instagram and Twitter, immediately.

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I’ll even send it to Facebook (as if) because that has a bigger reach and I really just want everybody to know about my new found strength or actions toward wellness. (Cool, Ash…) I’m doing me! I’m doing really great! Look at me! Don’t you wish you were me?! I bet somebody will screenshot his and #repost it because it’s really such a great motivational quote!!! COOL! I hope the sarcasm shows through that string of a paragraph…

Now I bet some of you may be like, “Yeah I see this shit all the time but I don’t do this. I don’t have time for this. I live my life, not capture it. I’m good.” No you’re fucking not! You’re still fucking looking at it so this is completely applicable to you too! You don’t have to be full fledged in it – aka an incessant uploader (like myself) to be a part of it.

The trick is to let the fuck go. Like right now, I’m really trying to stop “stalking.” I know that sounds dramatic but it’s the fucking truth. And if you can’t admit that you stalk other people, whether it be your friends, your friends’ friends, exes, people you love and/or want to be with, celebrities, weird people, hysterical people, people who are so strange that you feel bad for them but continue to follow them for the pure enjoyment and entertainment factor & get your friends to follow them because c’mon it’s really worth it.

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And then it’s been 28 minutes and you’ve still not gotten that email done that you were working on because you were on Instagram while at work. “Damn. That girl is ugly anyways. Ugh yeah – I don’t like her friend either. She looks like a slut and that comment is totally about me. What is that shirt? He wore that same goddamn shirt on his birthday last year!! What does he only have one fucking shirt?! I’m disgusted. She should definitely be wearing black.” GET OFF INSTAGRAM, Ashley! Get the fuck off. You’re actually a lot cooler then that and you know it. You have courage. You have confidence. You are better than the Gap!

Why do I even want anybody to see anything about my life? I used to be a very private person. Until it was cool to let it all hang out. Sharing my thoughts made me feel good about myself because it meant somebody was reading them, whether they cared or not. And if people “like” them or “retweet” them that means I’ve been accepted and I’m really feeling great about myself because I’m relatable. Thank god I’ve created for myself the exact thing that I have tried to avoid for my entire being. The act of being relatable. I have lived my entire existence being a little weird, or outside the box, quirky, random, a little different from what you were expecting. Because I fucking like that shit. I like to keep people guessing and I like to do exactly what you aren’t expecting. You think I’m going to do some very predictable outrageous motion, and instead I do something really fucking normal with an obscure twist to mind fuck you even worse. Sorry. Welcome. AKA let me upload the ugliest selfie I can possibly find because I think that its a little more funny than a typical boring girl selfie. I don’t feel like giving a better example because you’re not going to get it anyway.

On that note, it’s almost 4:00 PM and I haven’t checked my Instagram since my daily read (this morning). I’ll try to hold off for my nightly read (before bed). Live in today guys.