Shawty Got LOW, Low, Low, Low…

I woke up at 5:04 AM completely wet. Soaked. One of those really scary low blood sugar moments when I wake up and my clothes are drenched. As if I just jumped in a pool, drenched. My hair is damp. My body is shaking and I have one thing on my mind. Literally my mind is blank – sometimes it takes me over 5 minutes of contemplating in my head whether or not I should remove myself from my bed to head into the kitchen to the fridge. I usually keep a granola bar or a juice box by my bed. A package of honey or a packet of sugar from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts also frequent the nightstands on either side of my bed. Sometimes I drink/use them though and forget to replace them. I like to live on the edge and sweat it out – pun intended.

So after pulling myself from my bed acting all zombie-like and still sweating profusely, I gain an obscene amount of strength which basically makes me feel as if I’m the Incredible Hulk. I feel like a stampede walking down the stairs – meanwhile it’s probably not like that at all but it’s how I’m imagining myself. Woman on a mission: eat carb’s immediately. Sugarrrrrrr please!!!

I open up the fridge and stare. And stare some more because my blood sugar is far below the normal range and my brain is not functioning properly. I pull a bottle of Tropicana OJ out of the fridge and fumble to find a glass/coffee mug/cup I can drink it out of. Sometimes if I’m really desperate (also really lazy) I’ll literally chug from the bottle. Having low blood sugar doesn’t only make me cranky, irritable and/or moody – it also makes me very anxious and more psycho than I usually am. Lucky everyone! Sometimes I revert to childlike tendencies and start to cry. So about now I took a few swigs of my OJ and I need something else to stabilize the carb’s I just drank to bring my blood sugar up. I try to find a protein or some other protein/carb combo – naturally I decide on Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked. Other Ashley low-BG (blood glucose) staples are: peanut butter on a spoon, Nutella on a spoon, apple with almond butter, any fruit that’s on the counter, any & all leftovers in the fridge are also fair game…

After eating something I’ll usually sit down and stare at myself or rummage around for my blood glucose test kit. I set up my test kit – insert my little test strip and prick my finger with a lancet. Then I try to squeeze out a tiny drop of blood – except the vault is completely fucking dry. It’s the worst – so I have to prick another finger until my machine accepts what little amount of blood my fingers would like to offer up today.

finger stick

Just as expected! My meter reads a good old: 33 mg/dL.

Ummm….WHUT?! I just chugged Tropicana and ate like a half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s? And my blood sugar is still 33 mg/dL. I’m scared. I’m freaked out. It’s 5:28AM now – I’m all alone and why is my blood sugar still so low? Anxiety. Anxiety. Anxiety. Help. Scared. What do I do?

Pour another glass of OJ / Mott’s Apple Juice / whatever other sugar-filled drink and head back to my bedroom with a package of glucose tablets (Raspberry flavored) and maybe another snack.

Raspberry Glucose Tabs = Best Flavor
Raspberry Glucose Tabs = Best Flavor

Now I’m freezing. Because my body just sweat through my sheets. Put on new pajamas. Get back into bed. Chug more juice. I’m so fucking full – I can’t eat another thing for hours. I still don’t feel well – maybe I’ll try to go back to sleep? Wonder where my blood sugar is at now? Re-test. 54 mg/dL! Going up – yay? Still kinda freakin’ low – I’ll wait a little while longer and re-test again. I know I can’t eat or drink anything else because it’s 5:45am and I’m obviously not hungry and now I’m wasting time being awake when I should be sleeping. I drink another half a glass of juice, I open up some gross organic granola bar and take a bite. Then I fall asleep.

Fast forward to 8:30AM when I’m waking up late for whatever appointment I had this morning (missing it, obviously…) rescheduling that shit, of course. My face is basically stuck to this chocolate pomegranate whatever the hell gross cereal bar I half ate in the middle of the night. My room is a mess. I test my blood sugar, 245 mg/dL. WHATTTT THE FFFFFFF? WHY?!?!?

Wasn’t I just bottoming out at 33 mg/dL three hours before? Why am I sky-rocketed now? It took my body so long to absorb the sugar I was putting into it and not doing ANYTHING – to wake up this morning to high blood sugar. C’monnnn – just can’t win. I’m exhausted from not sleeping and I’m exhausted from having high blood sugar. Take insulin to correct my high blood sugar – which sometimes takes hours to come back down to normal range (70-120) – and try to function as a normal part of society.

How was your morning, people? Because mine was REGULAR.

Regular old morning for me.