Forewarning Does NOT Make it OKAY!

Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.

“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”

It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…

Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.

Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?

Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.

UMMMMM…. WHAT?

Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?

GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”

Better Example:

Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?

Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.

Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!

End. Done. Clean break.

P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.

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photo credit: @crimebydesign

 

MALE THOUGHTS…

Relationships involving young people, specifically the behaviors and misbehaviors of people while in relationships fascinates me. I’m always digging for information from couples. Constantly asking questions and wondering why people behave the way they do. First impressions are major, what do you think?!

First impressions that I get from guys will totally deem if I will want to speak to them, be a friend, be a more-than-friend. Do guys think the same way? This thought made me quickly jump to find out the workings of a male brain that just may be very similar to my own…

5 Things Men Want to Know about Women from the Second they See/Meet Her…

(Like what goes through their brains…) Why do they ask you the most awkward questions? How does the male brain work and in what order of importance are questions? What do they want to know? How does it matter?

Originally I thought that this immediately removes the appearance category because you already saw her and you’re already attracted… like you’re going in for your 1st move… what are the moves.. what is the order of the thought process? I’m thinking something like 1. Who is this girl? 2. What is her name? 3. Are there males around you? 4. Are you single? 5. Who are you here with?

I’m wrong. Here’s how it goes… FROM MALE PERSPECTIVE. 

1. What do you look like naked/what the sex is like?

“The attraction is so physical at this stage that most of these things will be shading towards the shallow, selfish level.”

2. Is this bitch crazy? Am I getting into something that I’m immediately going to regret?

3. What’s her status? Is she single, dating, serious relationship, engaged, or married?

4. Can this broad (side note: ew) carry on a cogent conversation or am I taking to nothing more than a pair of tits and an ass?

This is especially important and the quality/content the conversation says a lot. Name, where you’re from, what you do is important, but there better be more than that. Keep it fun and interesting. Don’t be timid and shy. Break my balls about something. A good ball-breaker is a catch…unless she falls in the latter on many of these things.

5. What does she do for a living?

I think this is probably a bigger one than most people think. If I’m talking to someone whose daddy gives her everything, code red alert and evacuate quickly unless you’re just looking for a lay. I’m not trying to be their next daddy.

This probably ties into the “is this bitch crazy” thought, but I also think men want to know what their history is. Not sexual, but relationships and the like. Probably not something you ask right away, but the thought crosses your mind. If it’s just a “how quick can I get her in bed” thing, probably the first and second thing I mentioned hold precedent.

So, there you have it ladies – this is what he thinks when he first lays eyes on you. Such a treat, really.

The Cost of Life

Flat out – the price of being a female is much more than the pricetag of being a male. At least being a female like myself – active, healthy (mostly), likes to have fun, goes out far too much & is in her 20’s.

I’ve discovered that I really need to work on SAVING $$$. Saving money for my future. Saving money so that I can do all of the things that I really really REALLY want to do in my life.

Comparatively speaking, I’d say that since a young age, females are basically forced to spend more money on the daily than men are. This is simply due to the way of American society. Maintenance. 

If you’re a dude and you’re good looking, YOU’RE REALLY FUCKING BLESSED AND REALLY FUCKING GOOD LOOKING. 

If you’re a female and you’re good looking, you’ve got so many things that are taken into consideration – you’re good at doing make-up, your hair looks nice, your nails are clean & polished, your clothing looks nice, your skin looks great. Being that men don’t wear make-up, hardly do much to take care of their skin, shave (depending…) and their “hairstyle” usually takes under 1 minute to complete after getting out of the shower (debatable) – if they’re hot, they’re hot. Men have very little interference with their actual being of beauty. With that being said – if they’re good looking, they have really. got. it. going. on.

You know when you see celebrities on the cover of InTouch Magazine or OK! Magazine and they look absolutely heinous & awful?! Or the article is featured as “Celebs without Makeup – SHOCKING!” because they’re not as pretty as they’re made out to be. These articles are 99% of the time photos of women. Because 2013’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Adam Levine or Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew McConaughey & Ryan Gosling are just that good. They don’t need makeup to look better – they’re just that freakin’ HOT! Forget about coming from the perspective of a female thinking males are hot – I think females are “hot” too and I will 100% attest to the beauty/hotness/sexiness of any female that deserves it. But it definitely costs her a LOT more than it costs Adam Levine.

Consider the following: since puberty, females have had to spend $ on feminine hygiene products (EW, I know. But honestly – shit’s expensive!). Maintaining beauty is expensive. Make-up is expensive. I spend too much $ on make-up so I’m a different case, but whether you’re drugstore shopping or department store shopping for make-up, you’re still spending money here. Skin care products: face wash, body wash, acne? (if you’ve ever had it, I don’t know?) anti-aging products as you get a little older, under eye cream, moisturizer, toners, the list goes on and on. Hair products: Shampoo, Conditioner, Brush, blow dryer, straightener, curling iron/wand, hair cuts & hair color is $$$$. Razors / Waxing / Laser Hair Removal – $ / $$ / $$$$. MANICURES & PEDICURES! – at the absolute cheapest you’re doing this yourself ($7 Essie nail polish, nail file $.99, Base Coat $5, Top Coat $5) – you can use these several times, but likely you won’t so you’re total spend is $18. If you’re me, you get a manicure every week. $8 plus tip. You get pedicures every other week in the summer (sometimes more) $15-$18+ plus tip. And I buy my own nail polish all the time as well because I like to have it and sometimes I BYOB to the salon. More $. Females also spend ungodly amounts of money on accessories. (Bags, jewelry, scarves, other random items).

Shoes.

Clothing – because being seen in photos in the same outfit more than once is social. fucking. suicide. Trends in fashion and in other aspects of life (like food, health, working out) are followed on a much stronger level by females than males. Trends are expensive because they’re ever changing and growing into something new. New new new. Girls are constantly chasing the next new “IT” item.

So girls start this whole process at around the age of 11-12 (sometimes younger). Guys that do care about grooming & their presentation usually do not start this until they’re a bit older. So if you were a guy that cared about your clothes, your hair, your skin, your sneakers, etc., you probably started this process a little bit later in life like late middle school or early high school. At this point, your parents were likely supporting you and taking care of whatever you may have wanted or needed. Not saying that females don’t have this going on because they do, but there’s MUCH MORE to take into consideration here.

As I matured, I wanted specific things. My parents would basically tell me, “No Ash, you don’t need this new shirt you just got a new shirt last weekend. No you don’t need another pair of shoes because you already have 17 pairs in your closet and only wear 3 of them. No, you don’t need to try that makeup because you’re a beautiful young lady and shouldn’t be spending money on makeup anyway!” Thanks Bobby & Judy, but I want those things anyway so I guess I’ll get a job and spend the money that I make on the extra things that I want and don’t need so that way I don’t have to hear you complain about things that I want. K?! Great. NOT!

Now, I’ve developed this really awful habit of working an excess amount to have an excess amount of $ so that I can spend it on excess things that I want. I’ve carried this process through for far too long.  I bet this gives mixed feelings for many – I don’t care though. Maybe some people were better at saving money than I was because they didn’t care about things that I cared about? Maybe they were better at saving because their parents didn’t allow them to spend their money on things they wanted? Or their parents just bought them whatever they wanted? They were better about saving because they weren’t addicted to fashion/trends/being a fly betch?

For me – it’s a never ending cycle. This process has spiraled into how I live today – not really enough money in my savings account for my “later-in-life” goals (working on it though —- my later in life goals are unreal as you could possibly imagine…). But I do have a really great outfit for tomorrow night along with fabulous plans for tomorrow night & next weekend Wednesday.

high maintenance

UGH it’s expensive being a betch.

Never Ending Quotes

Being connected 24/7 leaves us with constant contact. Photos, quotes, articles, blog posts, videos, etc. Quotes on Instagram are the most motivating, yet irritating thing to happen to me within the past 3 years. (dramatic statement).

Sometimes amazingly inspiring, other times, so tame, boring and downright annoying (especially when I saw a celebrity post the same exact quote about 17 minutes before you did). I bet you’re wondering..whats the most annoying quote a beautiful, single girl has ever heard? (No? Not even close to what you were wondering?! I don’t care, I’m still gonna tell ya!).

“Love yourself before anyone else can.”– Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou, Betsy Ross, Helen Keller…

Pretty much, insert any believable author that may or may not have actually said this ridiculous fucking quote.

So, I’m single. So what?
Does it bother me? Yes. When I’m bored. When am I bored? All of the fucking time…

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What’s worse than having ADD? Funny you should ask… because the only thing worse than having undiagnosed ADD, (which as a female, we clearly all have some form of), is having your shit somewhat together and then BAM! Having no one else to share it with. Nobody to help organize your chaos with or fix your ridiculous “problems,” or help you do random shit you can’t do don’t feel like doing. OH, and spend every waking moment together! That is exactly what a male companion has and probably will be for the remainder, so as long as we both shall live? Right? Right? Please help here, not really aware…just going with observations.

So-you want to set me up with your amazing son/nephew/grandson/co-worker/metrosexual best friend’s friend. I get it. I’m fabulous-everything about me is fabulous but do you know why? Because I love me. A lot. So why the need to write a quote? Or Instagram/Facebook tag me in something some old bitch said about loving yourself?  Do we need people to tell us to brush our teeth or to drive on the right side of the road? NO-ITS FUCKING COMMON SENSE.

Why don’t you love yourself? Why don’t you love your life? Funny thing is-you’re the one that is in control of your happiness..as well as your misery.  Seems ta meeee that you’re really just controlling your own misery, you placid bitch. GET HAPPY. NOW.

Do you know how simple it is? It’s called a fucking smile.  Have you ever seen what you look like frowning? Its ugly- like Kim K crying ugly (okay not that ugly-but still).

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So..are people telling you to “love yourself?” Maybe if you smiled or showered or dyed your hair or did anything that showed you cared one fucking second about yourself, this quote wouldn’t bother you.

Honestly…like. I dont want to share me with anyone. I’ve been in situations where I was sharing myself – my loves. my interests. my damn family. And what did I get in return? Well aside from some heights in anger and blood pressure-I got a lot of bullshit in return.

So if you’re wondering if I love myself -yes of course I do. And I’m not letting anyone else love me for a long time. So like… give your brother’s number to someone else. I’d rather pay for my own buzz with people I like.