Forewarning Does NOT Make it OKAY!

Apologizing for how you are and thinking it’s okay just because you gave a forewarning is THE WORST quality to have while in a relationship. Like — you’re not exempt from general relationship rules because you suck at life. And you know it. Just because you announced it ahead of time does not make it acceptable.

“Announcing that you’re going to behave badly, doesn’t make it okay to behave badly. – Lena Dunham”

It’s NOT okay at all. A frequent conversation goes a little something like this…

Female: I don’t understand why you’re acting strange /don’t want to be with me. I can’t do this anymore.

Male: I told you from the beginning I didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Female: Yeah, I didn’t want a serious relationship either at first… But then we became so much closer and we’ve been “together” for months. Doesn’t it seem like we should be in a secure relationship instead of guessing all the time?

Male: I told you I was going to hurt you if you got close to me. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sigh.

UMMMMM…. WHAT?

Thanks for the forewarning, psycho. Who do you think you are… a……..dundundun…. GIRL?! No. You’re not. So decide what you want. Or at least, if you don’t want to be with the girl – tell her straight up. Give her a reason. Better yet, think of 3 solid reasons why! I use 3 because I’ve always been told 3 examples is a solid rule of thumb to prove a point – basic elementary school, right?…. uhhh?

GUYS – Think about the real reasons why you don’t want to be with this female and tell her. It’s probably going to hurt her feelings (a little bit) and it may even make you feel like shit (for a little bit) – but I think it’s much better form than saying some bogus, bullshit excuse like, “I told you before that I’m not good at relationships.”

Better Example:

Female: I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me…?

Male: I told you I wasn’t sure how I would be in a relationship and honestly I’m still not ready for that with you. I’m not where I want to be in my career. I’m looking for work in a different city which may cause me to move, so I don’t feel comfortable getting into a deeper relationship with you at this time in my life. I hope you understand and I don’t want to continue to string you along. I also don’t like your cats.

Female: K, thanks for letting me know. F you though, my cats rule. Bye!

End. Done. Clean break.

P.S. I’m not a cat lady but I thought the cats would be funny to incorporate. I think I was wrong.

unnamed-13
photo credit: @crimebydesign

 

Advertisements

MALE THOUGHTS…

Relationships involving young people, specifically the behaviors and misbehaviors of people while in relationships fascinates me. I’m always digging for information from couples. Constantly asking questions and wondering why people behave the way they do. First impressions are major, what do you think?!

First impressions that I get from guys will totally deem if I will want to speak to them, be a friend, be a more-than-friend. Do guys think the same way? This thought made me quickly jump to find out the workings of a male brain that just may be very similar to my own…

5 Things Men Want to Know about Women from the Second they See/Meet Her…

(Like what goes through their brains…) Why do they ask you the most awkward questions? How does the male brain work and in what order of importance are questions? What do they want to know? How does it matter?

Originally I thought that this immediately removes the appearance category because you already saw her and you’re already attracted… like you’re going in for your 1st move… what are the moves.. what is the order of the thought process? I’m thinking something like 1. Who is this girl? 2. What is her name? 3. Are there males around you? 4. Are you single? 5. Who are you here with?

I’m wrong. Here’s how it goes… FROM MALE PERSPECTIVE. 

1. What do you look like naked/what the sex is like?

“The attraction is so physical at this stage that most of these things will be shading towards the shallow, selfish level.”

2. Is this bitch crazy? Am I getting into something that I’m immediately going to regret?

3. What’s her status? Is she single, dating, serious relationship, engaged, or married?

4. Can this broad (side note: ew) carry on a cogent conversation or am I taking to nothing more than a pair of tits and an ass?

This is especially important and the quality/content the conversation says a lot. Name, where you’re from, what you do is important, but there better be more than that. Keep it fun and interesting. Don’t be timid and shy. Break my balls about something. A good ball-breaker is a catch…unless she falls in the latter on many of these things.

5. What does she do for a living?

I think this is probably a bigger one than most people think. If I’m talking to someone whose daddy gives her everything, code red alert and evacuate quickly unless you’re just looking for a lay. I’m not trying to be their next daddy.

This probably ties into the “is this bitch crazy” thought, but I also think men want to know what their history is. Not sexual, but relationships and the like. Probably not something you ask right away, but the thought crosses your mind. If it’s just a “how quick can I get her in bed” thing, probably the first and second thing I mentioned hold precedent.

So, there you have it ladies – this is what he thinks when he first lays eyes on you. Such a treat, really.

WANTED!

“You’re a shopper. You shop. You’re good at that. You’re meant for that. This applies both to shoes & men…don’t give up and buy shitty shit because you need it temporarily. Wait for the quality. Shop around. Pick things up and put them back. Return if necessary. Keep shopping. You’ll fall in love eventually.” 

Quote from a best friend.

Admirable qualities for the man I want to find…

Applications available upon request. (Jobless, heartless, untrustworthy, liars need not apply).

Qualifications are rather simple complex, sorry.

…dreams of a decent man.

Must enjoy trying new things and having new experiences. This is broad but get OVER it and get under it. Be open and don’t close yourself out to things that you aren’t comfortable with.

blood racing

Must understand my need/bug to travel – anywhere and anytime. And understand that I’ll spend whatever amount of $ I deem necessary to do so. And that he should as well, obvi.

Constantly growing and learning and being awesome. Never settling.

never settle

Food lover ❤ – likes to try new places and going out to restaurants frequently. Also must be a healthy eater and put up with my strange/specific food diets.

Can hang and drink but does not need to go out every single night. By that I mean 4 + nights per week.

Active. Likes to exercise. Do outdoorsy things. So like, don’t be too lazy.

Likes to shop a little. Dresses well without trying too hard. And buys me nice shit (although unnecessary because I buy myself nice shit).

Likes sports.

Has good friends. Likes to include me in things with their friends. AND willing to do fun things with my friends. And actually likes my friends. A lot.

And makes me happy.

“Spend all your time and your money, just to find out that my love was free…”

happy

Likes to do nothing sometimes.

Is competitive in a good way.

Can deal with my ridiculous family. Enjoys his family.

Has a job he enjoys and isn’t miserable at. Makes a fab salary with growth potential. Has goals and sights for the future. Includes me in them.

Thinks I’m pretty.

Will hang out with me even if its playoffs football season and I don’t want to watch. (I will – this is a trick question). 😉

Will fight with me but not argue to make me lose.

love you idiot

Is honest and has no reason to lie about anything. Ever.

Will trust my opinions because they’re always right. Right?!

Knows how to make a cocktail.

And will occasionally allow me to dress him.

Also likes champagne.

Doesn’t lie. Did I already say that?

Smells exceptionally great.

Nice abs wouldn’t hurt. Or arms.

buff men

Mutual level of respect.

CAN MAKE ME LAUGH. At any given moment. Even when I’m fuming and all I want to do is scream or run.

…Dreams of a decent man.

men
LOL

Take a look at what Brad Pitt has to say on Angelina – mostly the ending part. I don’t know if I really like thisbut I kind of like it. I don’t necessarily believe that a man has the power to completely change a woman. Or that she is a total reflection of him – but when it’s of a positive image, positive things can happen. And I like that. The ending is what makes it amazing. 

bradpitt

 

Until then, I won’t go chasin’ waterfalls –

I’ll be doin’ me, right over here. xo 

do not chase people

This is an endless list. I don’t know why I’m posting it today. I wrote this 3 months ago. #latergram.

Why Men Cheat

I’ve literally been doing research on why men cheat from the moment I started dating my first boyfriend (so, Kindergarten).

Obviously, never wanting to be cheated on, but knowing that it does in fact happen – I made sure I was exceptionally cool. Really easy-going, and not annoying to boys (or anyone for that matter). Main goal is to basically not act like a girl at all. Be like “one of the guys” without actually being weird or gross. Not forcing the “center of attention” look on myself. Not letting the little things become a big thing.

I give all of my girl friends very similar advice – to remain calm, cool and let shit go! Except when I’ve found myself in positions when I can’t let shit go – this has blown up in my face. Discovering why men cheat has been rough, but it’s all a part of growing up. Females cheat too, but I don’t care about that so save your opinions for another betch.

I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who is a Grade A, top of the line, high quality and respectable dude – also, a CHEATER. No names needed and specific situations never needed, but they happened and he’s real. This is what we’ve come up with. Enjoy or don’t.

Some men are never truly happy in their lives.

To these guys, happiness is a temporary feeling. Fleeting. There’s always this search for more or what’s next. So they mask their unhappiness through a variety of methods – drinking, drugs, gambling, and yes, womanizing.

Men at times are genuinely unhappy in their relationships and with themselves, which leads them to cheat. Chasing that temporary high or that good feeling in the beginning of a hook-up. Men are babies. They’re insecure and act immature.

a betches motto <3
a betches motto ❤

Insecurity.

Men want to be able to know “they’ve still got it” or they can still “pull a hot chick.” Congrat-u-fucking-lations? Good for you, bro. I guess? But when will it ever end? When will you feel secure enough with yourself that you don’t need to cheat on the one that you’re with just to prove to your friends or to yourself that you’ve still got it? If you do in fact, still have it – fucking keep it! People will know you still have it because you’ve kept the person that you’re with. And you’re cool because you’re confident, not cocky. You know when to fire punches and you also know when to roll with the punches. And if you choose to  leave the person that you’re with, do it with some class and dignity and don’t look back.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-dHgZ4uY4nhu4J/the_40_year_old_virgin_2005_confrontation_at_the_store_part_2/ 

Sex is a major factor – obviously.

Men cheat because their current girlfriend is boring. Or he can’t get over me. Leading a double life gets difficult after awhile so pick a team, dude!

Men don’t want to face the reality of their sexual incompetence and dealing with a new girl allows them to escape from their real life for a little while? (Disclaimer: Maybe for some, not Exhibit A…)

Cheating can be done in two forms: physical & emotional.

Ask any sane or better, insane betch what is worse? – The guaranteed response: emotional cheating. Cheating usually becomes emotional as soon as it happens more than once – sometimes not, but the physical isn’t what gets people so worked up about it.

Like – I don’t really care if you’re sleeping with another person. What I do care about is protecting myself (from whatever you may get or have from this other person). This is the scary part about cheaters. Like if you’re going to cheat or lie about what you’re doing with others, go right ahead and be a piece of shit liar. BUT you better fucking think about the literal danger that you may be putting somebody else in. STD. Immune system killers. I think about this all the time (maybe I’m paranoid) but I think everyone else is just dumb.

He doesn’t LOVE her anymore.

Bullshit. If you feel that strongly about not loving someone anymore, you should feel strongly enough to fucking tell them. This all comes down to the insecurity. Not feeling comfortable enough with yourself that you can’t break up with somebody is awful. Being with a person isn’t the end all – marriage is not always the end of the road. Love isn’t the end.

My question is whether or not cheaters evolve? Or will a guy be a cheater forever and ever, for the rest of his life so help him, God.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Why are there so many cat metaphors? Ughh…

This is a Life Lesson for Everyone…

Some people DON’T love you, they don’t even care about you. They just want to stay connected to you – they love the benefits.

So, they do the minimal. A little phone call here and there. A text. Just checking/thinking about you (ppffftttt!).

WHAT THEY ARE REALLY DOING IS: MAINTAINING A CONNECTION, SO WHEN THEY NEED YOU – THEY STILL HAVE A WAY IN.

Reading people gets easier with age. Be careful of the curious and stay close and true to those true few.

Catcalling, Meow.

Catcalling. Don’t do this – and if you do, expect to receive VERY expressive, specific insults.

Fuck. You. Get away from me. I’m not interested in you. Shut your mouth immediately.

I once told an ex-boyfriend that I would pay for surgery to have his ribs removed so that he could suck his own dick because I’d never go anywhere near him again. (Unrelated, but I thought it would be a good point to add that in).

If you haven’t already, please meet reality TV personality & model Stassi Schroeder… the violent metaphors ❤

stassi-schroeder2

stassi 1

stassi 3

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 1 | Stassi’s Violent Metaphors.

The link is my absolute favorite compilation of “Stassi” moments.

…how many people do I know that have told me that I remind them of her? Resting bitch face is on point.

Being nicer is definitely in my near future. Great quote someone sent me recently –

“I try to be nice to everyone because what if they have a hot brother?”

But like…. Don’t whistle at me. Don’t beep your car horn at me while I’m running. Like what was your goal with that? Did you think your beep and yell out the window while at a traffic light would make me sprint on over to your car and flirt with you and get in your car and go home with you and we live happily ever after?! No?! Me NEITHER. That kills my vibe so don’t do it.

Catcalling is like so… 18th century. I almost want to take that statement back because I would 100% rather have a guy approach me face to face (a la 18th century) rather than message me on any form of social media. But an approach/inquiry/courtship is far different than a catcall.

I hate that it’s named after a cat. I don’t like cats. At all.

Decoding The Lies!

Decoding the language of modern relationships.

Here ya go guys, I’m here to give you the “literal meanings” behind what people are saying to you. They’re reasons and excuses – excuses often times get a bad rep. This is because excuses are merely lies. There are things that betches say to cover up our true feelings or “the real reasons.”

throne_of_lies_elf

 

For example:

“I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

Real meaning: I just don’t want to be in a relationship with YOU. If somebody else comes along that I really like or that I can get away with more shit with, then I’m definitely going to date them, OK? I’m just trying not to make you feel bad. But in the meantime, I’ll still hang out with you, string you along and continue to have sex with you because it’s easy and convenient.

buzz lightyear

“We didn’t work out because of bad timing.”

Real meaning: He had a girlfriend. Or a wife.

“I want to get over him but we have a REALLY strong connection.”

Real meaning: He’s good in bed. I hate his guts, he’s partially retarded, but it’s worth it to keep him around for a little while longer because I’m not over having sex with him yet.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Real meaning: I hardly even want to be your friend because I can’t even stand you. There’s no way in hell I want to be your girlfriend. I also don’t want to totally remove you from my life because I may need you to do something for me at some point in the future.

“Sorry – I’ve been really busy.”

This just gives the impression that you’re so busy (you know, busier than a world leader busy) and that you haven’t had the time to contact or see them. Real meaning: “I’m not interested / I’m halfway in it / I’ve been trying to get back with my ex.” And you’re really hoping that he just ends it for you so you don’t have to “hurt feelings.”

jerry 2

The Admitting Cheater

“I need to get this off my chest – something happened last weekend. I hooked up with your friend, ______. We were drunk and it didn’t mean anything, but I just wanted you to know.”

What a piece of shit. So much so that you’re such an asshole that you’re going to run to your current girlfriend/boyfriend and admit to them that you just slept with that slut? or their best friend? or whoever the random person was. Because YOU can’t deal with it yourself. You want to bring the person who you’ve already hurt MORE INTO IT?! That’s real fucking nice. You cheated. You can’t cope with your problems. So – to make YOURSELF feel better, you’re going to tell your significant other that you cheated on them. That’s fucking smart, you silly idiot. So now you can make them feel way worse. You can feel so much better because you really needed to get that off your chest, and they’re going to have feelings of invalidity and doubt and haste because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. Great fucking idea – tell the world why don’t ya? Dipshit.

Real meaning: I’m the biggest idiot alive and never talk to me again because I have no backbone and a small penis, OBVIOUSLY.

babe-i-know-what-it-looked-like

Apology Accepting

“I’m so sorry. I’ll never do it again. I know I said that last time, but I’m really serious and I really love you and you’ve got to trust me.” 

Real meaning: “Look, can you hurry the fuck up and accept my apology so I can stop feeling bad about it? You perceiving me as wronging/hurting/abusing/whatever you think is really inconvenient and my ego does NOT like this reality. So if you don’t mind, get over the fucked up shit I did to you, accept my apology and let’s move on so I can get my sex life & perfect image back.” I basically want to get back to doing exactly what I always do. Also, be sure to reduce your expectations of a relationship with me immediately.

VIBE-Vixen-ExBoyfriendsBeLike2

Behind every excuse is the real reason.

“You’ll know you’re in a healthy relationship when you don’t have to listen to excuses or make excuses. Instead of accepting excuses, start accepting the reasons.”

Never Ending Quotes

Being connected 24/7 leaves us with constant contact. Photos, quotes, articles, blog posts, videos, etc. Quotes on Instagram are the most motivating, yet irritating thing to happen to me within the past 3 years. (dramatic statement).

Sometimes amazingly inspiring, other times, so tame, boring and downright annoying (especially when I saw a celebrity post the same exact quote about 17 minutes before you did). I bet you’re wondering..whats the most annoying quote a beautiful, single girl has ever heard? (No? Not even close to what you were wondering?! I don’t care, I’m still gonna tell ya!).

“Love yourself before anyone else can.”– Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou, Betsy Ross, Helen Keller…

Pretty much, insert any believable author that may or may not have actually said this ridiculous fucking quote.

So, I’m single. So what?
Does it bother me? Yes. When I’m bored. When am I bored? All of the fucking time…

IMG_8913

 

What’s worse than having ADD? Funny you should ask… because the only thing worse than having undiagnosed ADD, (which as a female, we clearly all have some form of), is having your shit somewhat together and then BAM! Having no one else to share it with. Nobody to help organize your chaos with or fix your ridiculous “problems,” or help you do random shit you can’t do don’t feel like doing. OH, and spend every waking moment together! That is exactly what a male companion has and probably will be for the remainder, so as long as we both shall live? Right? Right? Please help here, not really aware…just going with observations.

So-you want to set me up with your amazing son/nephew/grandson/co-worker/metrosexual best friend’s friend. I get it. I’m fabulous-everything about me is fabulous but do you know why? Because I love me. A lot. So why the need to write a quote? Or Instagram/Facebook tag me in something some old bitch said about loving yourself?  Do we need people to tell us to brush our teeth or to drive on the right side of the road? NO-ITS FUCKING COMMON SENSE.

Why don’t you love yourself? Why don’t you love your life? Funny thing is-you’re the one that is in control of your happiness..as well as your misery.  Seems ta meeee that you’re really just controlling your own misery, you placid bitch. GET HAPPY. NOW.

Do you know how simple it is? It’s called a fucking smile.  Have you ever seen what you look like frowning? Its ugly- like Kim K crying ugly (okay not that ugly-but still).

kim-kardashian-crying-face-2-zap2it

So..are people telling you to “love yourself?” Maybe if you smiled or showered or dyed your hair or did anything that showed you cared one fucking second about yourself, this quote wouldn’t bother you.

Honestly…like. I dont want to share me with anyone. I’ve been in situations where I was sharing myself – my loves. my interests. my damn family. And what did I get in return? Well aside from some heights in anger and blood pressure-I got a lot of bullshit in return.

So if you’re wondering if I love myself -yes of course I do. And I’m not letting anyone else love me for a long time. So like… give your brother’s number to someone else. I’d rather pay for my own buzz with people I like.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes – Insight about Love

Blog Written by: Anonymous /// Blog Edited by: Me, obviously…

These days friendship and love are as long lasting as a piece of Juicy Fruit (best flavor, yet worst gum ever).  With a swipe to the left we can remove people, things, pictures, and memories.  Where do these friendships really exist though? With life moving so fast, technology moves even faster. We forget the morals. The good stuff in life. The moments that should be cherished are Instagrammed (made that word up – look for it in Webster’s in like 6-8 weeks) #selfie. But really.  Even just today I came to a very serious decision regarding a somewhat unhealthy situation that was eating me alive while benefiting the other party. I decided I didn’t want that anymore – so within a few exchanges of text message the situation was over. Again. We were no longer fuck buddies. So that’s cool. But really -over text, why?! Well because I would have had to deal with the feelings eating me up inside for a whole week until he decided that he wanted to see me naked again. And by that time I would have somewhat dulled the feelings I am having now-and would certainly partake in the activity that leaves me feeling exactly the way I’m feeling right now-DUMB. Stupid. Hiding my feelings. Of no value. Unloved. Used. Hopeful.

Hopeful that I would be able to cross all previous feelings away & let go in to this to be happy and in love because we fit so well together.

I’m realizing that there are things you can compromise in relationships-of any kind. But the promises we make to ourselves are the most important. Breaking those promises is just — flat out, fucking stupid. I promised myself a long time ago that I never wanted to feel that way again and if something or someone made me feel that way…I would text them and tell them “I’ll ttyl, k. cuz like I like u and I don’t wanna lol”.  And really. I didn’t want to text that at 11:40 AM on the 3rd Sunday in March. But I did. How do I feel about it?

I feel. Sad at first. But his answer-made me feel happy. Clarity from the nothingness of what this has been for so long. I was the one keeping myself there…its not that he ever let me go…he never had me. I wanted him to have me though. That’s the problem in life. People always want what they don’t have. Can’t have. Won’t have. We spend our whole lives trying to be better. Get better. Live better. This is all great – in fact if we didn’t try to be better life would suck capital D. But-maybe we need to also appreciate what’s standing in front of us once in a while.  And appreciate it for what it is.  I sometimes think we try to make situations and relationships into something that they aren’t. And then we build this little “house of hope” on top of this situation and lock ourselves inside, crying & stalking Instagram. Or maybe, we open up all the doors and windows and clean house for Spring. 

middle finger

 Somebody sent me this awhile ago to post – I’ve held on to it up until this very moment because – it is so relevant to my life today. Staying in today. Looking forward to Spring Cleaning. xox

Blog Written by: Anonymous /// Blog Edited by: Me, obviously…

Men’s Closet Overhaul

Some men really know how to dress themselves. Bravo. Other guys still have their Mommies pick out and match their clothes every morning for work. This is problematic. This is where you step in with a quick & easy lesson for this idiot boyfriend of yours.

Image

Presentation is key because unless you’re blind, everybody can see you. It’s what gets noticed about you first, before you open your stupid mouth. Maybe people will see your smile first if you have a beautiful one. That’s only if you’re lucky. And I actually really love flannels — sorry ’bout yours, Al. 

So you’re really sick of what your man wears – like he’s still wearing jeans with a “loop” on them – those are called cargo jeans and they went out with JNCO & lee pipes in fucking 1996 with your sports team logo Starter jacket. LOSE IT. 

Image

OK, OK. Dramatic but whatever. There are some very fine ebay retailers selling some mint condition vintage JNCO’s if you’re looking for a Halloween 2014 costume of a 15 year #TBT. You’re welcome for the creative Halloween idea. 

I can’t believe I uploaded that photo – whatever it’s on the verge of vintage so I’m gonna leave it. Here’s the transformation piece. Vintage Fashion like this, is here to stay. Versace. Colored Denim. How could you NOT?! 

Image

To get your man to dress differently, you must get him to care. A little. Some dudes care and they totally get it. It’s likely they had a really cool mother or parents who cared about presentation and making sure their male child knew what’s good. Sometimes it’s learned behavior – sometimes its inherent. Some men need such immediate help. 

So when you take your man shopping for new jeans there are a few things to remember: 

Make sure know what you’re looking for. Fit is extremely important and you always want jeans that are fitted. Buy one size down because within the first few wears, jeans will stretch majorly. Then they’ll look baggy & way too big. So buy the smaller size if you’re on the fence. To make your guy fall in love with these jeans, just as he fell in love with his last pair of jeans that you now hate – he’s gotta get used the them. Have him wear them for 72 hours straight – like an entire weekend – even sleeping in them is fine – that is, if you wear clothes to sleep. At first, he’s going to be hesitant of his new tight-fitting jeans. After the weekend, he’s not going to want to take them off. Trust. Tailored clothing is the way to go – clothes that don’t fit are worse than no clothes at all. Moderately debatable. And DO NOT WASH those jeans yet! Not yet, either. The longer you wait, the better fade you’re going to get. But like, don’t be disgusting – if they’re dirty, please maintain proper hygiene. To get any beer smells or other random scents out of the jeans, hang them up after each use so they can air out – it helps. Also, always wear dark wash jeans. Maybe a crisp medium to dark, but NEVER EVER light wash jeans, just don’t do it. Or jeans with logos because besides the fact that they’re disgusting, there’s also this: 

“Whenever I see a guy wearing jeans with embroidered stuff all over them, I always think his dick is the size of a baby carrot. Really. Just realize less is more.”—Eva Amurri, actress

Few other things to think about: Try to balance a strong color with a neutral palette. Fitted hoodies look great with leather jackets. Soft vintage inspired t shirts are amazing with jeans. Henley’s are adorable because they’re casual yet polished. Aviator or wayfarer style sunglasses are classic and always perfect. Cardigans (if he’ll wear them)!!!!!!! 2 Basic Shoes a dude should always have: 1. Chic, versatile sneaker (not trainers like Jordan’s or Nike’s). 2. Stylish pair of oxfords. These are a great foundation for the wardrobe. 

ImageImage

 

He just…does. it. well. 

Stores to hit with your man: Rothman’s NY, higher end but gorgeous men’s apparel and they make custom for all of those men who are in between sizes. You can’t really go wrong with Burberry for men – polished, clean lines, chic. Chic is a difficult word for men to embrace so only if you’re lucky. Huge fan of JCrew for dudes. Most of it. Now the waspy stuff. If you’re looking for waspy go to Vineyard Vines. And take cover if you’re planning on talking to me – kidding I love their ties. & their plaid – so GOOD. If you’re looking for great brands and you’re budgeting, Nordstrom Rack, even H&M & Uniqlo have great basics. Get him great basics even if you have to spend a little more on them. TOPMAN is good. Zara Men is also great. Just DON’T tell him names of stores because guys get weird about that stuff. You just need to pre-shop online – AKA know what they have and don’t waste his time dragging him all over looking for something that none of these stores have. Pull things in his size and pair them together and make him try outfits – not random pieces – outfits ALWAYS look better betch. 

That’s all I do. Make him commit to taking the time to try. I did it for this guy I used to date. Totally changed his style — he dresses amazing better now. Used to wear gross button-downs from Kohl’s. LOL I’ve done this time & time again so if you think I’m talking about you – you still need more help. I’ve made immense progress in the style & dress of men. I have to say that there are a bunch of better dressed men in this world because of me. You’re welcome future chicks that date my exes, you’re welcome for everything. If that’s all I’ve accomplished with them, that’s the biggest lie I’ve said today. But at least it’s a push in a positive direction. (Sidenote: I’ve also dated a guy that dressed like Macklemore and I’m not fucking kidding around. The song Thrift Shop was actually written about him – purple velour blazers & all with mismatched ties & strange pants that were ill-fitting. Oh and fur). ***Trying so hard to erase those memories from my brain.*** But I can’t stop laughing about it so I’ll just never stop. To each his own. 

One last thing – you can NEVER go wrong with black. Only if he has dandruff which means you have bigger problems & I’ll have to post a blog about men’s grooming habits and hygiene which would be weird but entertaining in the same breath. Black never fails & if you think it does, stop dating people who shed skin from their head because I’m vomiting as I type.

Hope this post aids in the objective of creating a better dressed male population. Get to work, betches.