Does Anybody Else feel this way? Am I alone on this, or what?!

I legit do not know what I wanna do in my life. How dramatic of me but…Like – how do you know what you like or what you’re good at? I feel like I need to do my own thing. Which is what…? I do not know yet.

Everything will fall into place, eh? I guess so.

Ugh – I just don’t know. I’m currently in a weird stage where I feel like I’m trying to be something I’m not. But I don’t even know what I should be.

Do you ever feel like that?

Dreams of working in the city have come to life and I’m beyond grateful to hold a job in a creative & growing industry.  And network with people as well as be a part of something totally different than what I’m used to. I do feel like I should have done what I’m doing now, much earlier in my life. Now I’m 25 & I’m brand new somewhere.  SO here I go – facing the facts – I’m not going to be doing anything exciting or amazing yet…OBVIOUSLY. But I keep wondering to myself…when is the amazing stuff?!

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself or I’m having too high of expectations. I AM the new girl after all – but it’s because I’m displaced. When you experience a lot of success at a very young age (high level management at 22 years old- yeah, weird) – it is a strange feeling to accept a role that has a different status of responsibility- even if it means changing industries and getting my feet wet somewhere totally different.

I feel like I’m far behind the curve on many levels. Many of my peers are in relationships & getting married, having children and have great jobs that they’ve advanced in over the past 5+ years. And I’m just like alone and starting over and trying to be in NYC but idk if that is really even where I should be or what I should be doing. I feel legit so weird about myself right now. Like I know it’s exactly where I want to be and where I belong. But I’m doing it totally solo so I’m constantly imagining things being different. Like if I had a boyfriend I would hang out with him after work. (Do I even want that?) But instead I just get on the train and go home. Get home late. Wake up at 5:30AM and get back on the train for work. Rinse. Repeat.

This is what finding yourself is all about. If you think this is a complaint then get over yourself and click the X of this screen because it’s really just me thinking out loud and wondering if other people feel this way?

People I know are either tied down or exceptionally busy (SOML) and it makes me feel weird. I feel like a 22 year old stuck inside a 25 year old’s mentality. And it’s bizarre. I guess I’m going to keep dating until I find Prince Charming. Expect ridiculous stories to come from that shit as well. Literally haven’t even been going out in NYC which must change immediately so I can expand my social circle. Also drain my bank account (oof). I don’t know what to do at this point.

Make that money in the meantime, live well, travel often, spend enjoy time with friends, family & people you love as frequently as possible, shop a lot, look pretty. A bestie once told me that her goal is to never leave the house without looking like Blake Lively. That’s a pretty steep goal, but nonetheless a really exceptional goal. I’m going to try it ——– until it’s Monday morning at 6:00 am and I’m late because I didn’t wake up early enough & shitttttttt.

But, as I have always said:

“That’s the beauty of this life…”

…you can do whatever you want. Whenever you want. There are no rules.
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Contrast Please, No Comparison

dont-compare-pic1People only show you what they want you to see.

Social media, specifically Instagram is a mere glimpse into the life of an individual or business or brand. Some over-sharers give more than a glimpse but rather, a life story. And you want to unfollow so badly but you simply cannot because it’s just too damn good! Either way – what everybody views on Insta it’s not the whole story! Typically, it’s only the good good shit.. OBVIOUSLYYYYYYYY.

Everything we do is posted to Instagram. Like OMG – sooooo Instragram worthy. It’s moderately scary. I’m obsessed – I Insta all the time. However I’m trying to take a step back and understand why I do and realize that I need to relax.

Calm down BETCH, it’s just an App!

I totally get it – that your social reputation seems like the most important thing in the world. But legit – it’s not the instant trip to happiness, fulfillment, self satisfaction and approval. Isn’t that why famous people have so many issues?

Having hundreds of thousands of followers does not mean having hundreds of thousands of friends. OBVIOUSLY.

People upload the coolest things ever on Instagram – because why wouldn’t they?! The more likes you get the cooler you are right?! UM, I guess.

Regardless of what the photo is actually of – it is all that the viewers can actually see. (Unless they’re your BFF standing next to you OK-ing whichever dumb filter you chose, then they know – DUH!).

As I’ve said before, many people don’t actually care about your life, more often than not, they’re just curious. And they stick around just to check up on you – which is weird. These aren’t real friends, they’re “fake” friends.  Your real friends will always be the people laying by your side when you’re in an elevator shaft really drunk, or making you breakfast smoothies when it’s your turn to make breakfast smoothies, or throwing up in an Uber sitting next to you while you’re throwing up in an Uber (right in front of your place), or keeping you in check when you are way out of line.

So remember that shit!

Instagram is not real life. It is just an App.

Insta is just a person’s visual daily check in where they can connect and share the BEST things that are going on in their life with all of their closest friends followers. It’s honestly not an accurate perception of “real life” at all – this app really allows people to make a visually appealing graph, if you will. Ya just receive the bits & pieces – the juicy stuff.

You can “make believe” anything your heart desires via Instagram. Welcome to the land of make believe, people! Instagram = Disney?! Um…..questionable. But I can basically make you believe whatever I want – or at least make you question it. If I uploaded a photo of Bora Bora this weekend (besides my friends who know that I cannot afford plane tickets to Bora Bora) & the fact that I’m not there —- people would probably think I’m there. As long as a #tbt or #fbf isn’t listed in the photo – it’s believable, because it’s on Instagram.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? How fucking ridiculous is that? I would receive text messages, emails, comments and the like from people being like… “WTF, you’re in Bora Bora?!” “NO! I’m just testing out how flawed humanity is and you assholes all fell for it.” But I mean – it’s so simple. I’d get a bunch of likes on that shit too probs.

The point is that you can make your life out to seem something very different than it actually is.

Uploading an adorable photo of you and your boyfriend together sitting outside on the end of a boardwalk with your feet dangling off the end, happy as clams from Memorial Day Weekend —— does not take into account the fact that your boyfriend has been cheating on you for your entire relationship and is absolutely OK with that. He really loves you though, he promises. He told me. 😉

What I’m saying here is do NOT believe everything you see! Don’t compare their super cute Instagram / Facebook relationship to your relationship. Yours is better, anyway. They’re not as amazing and cute as they make themselves out to be. I mean, maybe they really are cute in that photo – and sure, yeah – sometimes in reality they are too. But not always. You only see what they’re willing to share. So don’t be jealous of that. Just accept it and move on. Right now, I want you to stop wishing you were that person, or wishing you had that, or wishing you were doing what that person is doing right now. Your life is going to get happier.

Instead of comparing everything I do or do not do to whomever (too many do’s) – I’m going to contrast it. I’m going to continue to live my own way and behave as I please. Let people think whatever they want to and not have feelings about that – shocking, NOBODY. But you should give it a shot too.

Remember this the next time you are scrolling through someone else’s feed thinking (as we are all guilty of doing by the way!!)

“I wish I had their life…”