NOTHING.

What to say when you don’t know what to say? Nothing.

How to act when you don’t exactly know how to act? Do you go for it? Do you hold back? Do you not want to regret an action or feel guilty? Do you want to feel happy but not sure if you’re going to?

For all of the indecisive people in this world, myself being one of the strongest – life works out better when you wait it out. Certain things, obv not all. But hear me out.

If you’re on the fence about how to react to something. Just, DON’T REACT. Don’t say a word. Do not respond. Do not talk back. Do not make a decision. The best way to react is to literally do nothing.

You look so much prettier whilst doing nothing. No frown lines. No wrinkles. Duh.

You feel so much less emotion, which is easier because you haven’t done anything. It’s a win for the moment. (I wish I could convey my tone of voice through this text – reason for all the bold/italicized font, UGH whatever).

Now, my advice does not mean do nothing forever. I mean, I’m not a total IDIOT. Like – you’re eventually going to have to face whatever problem you just avoided or deal with whatever you’ve been hiding from. But at least you’ll have a clear mind when you choose to do so. And most importantly, you’ll be in better control of the situation. The best way to use this form of advice is when somebody is specifically looking for a reaction from you. That is when you DO NOT GIVE A REACTION. You hold no mercy. Sorry, NOT sorry.

No apology needed! EVER! Don’t apologize to anybody for the way you feel. If you were a nasty person, then maybe an apology is due to the person you were nasty to. If you were having a bad day, apology isn’t always needed if your bad day is explained to previously mentioned party. A quick, “I’m sorry for the way I acted when I was hungry.” is acceptable. No dramatic apology here though.

I will never apologize to an idiot that doesn’t deserve one. I will say abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING. I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of the reaction. We are so done with the conversation.

Contrary to popular belief that I am the nastiest girl to live 😉 … I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you. In a “nothing” kind of way. It’s completely the best idea I’ve ever had to stay positive toward people who need it most. A smile says EVERYTHING. No words uttered. Just one smile. It screams something to everybody. I think it’s a super ugly thing to root for somebody else’s failure, no matter how much they suck. And how badly it #suckstosuck. In this case, you just smile wider.

Example #1: Guy you met at a bar texts you non-stop for 3 weeks and then just stops…because he clearly sucks. AKA, you were ghosted girlfriend. What do you want to do? Text him something like “hey stranger.” DON’T! Poor choice, immediately. You’re done, girl. Sorry beb. Over. Never do this. Do nothing. Simple. Thank me later.

Example #2: Friend #1 asks you to hold a secret. Other friend (#2) asks what’s going on with friend #1. Say nothing. It’s not worth it to speak of friend 1’s secret to friend 2. None of #2’s business. Leave them out of it. Friend 1 clearly did not want to you say anything to anybody, let alone friend 2! REACTION: NOTHING. Unemotional, unphased (not a real word, just Googled obv), inactive face. You have nothing to let on to or let out because there is nothing that needs to be shared. Keep that shit to yourself. Practice tolerance and willpower to not say a peep. Now, I’m not talking the “Oh, I totally know what you mean… She’s been super weird lately to me to I have no idea what’s going on with her though, it must be that douchey guy she’s talking to or that she’s been working over 60 hours a week. I don’t know – I guess I could ask her if you want me to.” I’m talking SHUT UP. Preferred response: (smile) “Nothing.”

This post was about “nothing” in particular, LOL hence it’s title. Except me.

SILENCE IS BETTER THAN BULLSHIT.

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I’m a…SLAVE for you

My nightmare continues

Every morning I open my eyes and wake up by myself (usually) and reach for my little rectangular device that I’m alarmingly obsessed with. I say alarming because my alarm is most likely going off while I’m reaching for my iPhone. Begin “the daily read” – iMessage, Instagram, Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, other random social sites that you may be on? Yeah.

iPhone obsession is real. Social media obsession is even more real. The real real. Real fucking scary. Really fucking not okay. How am I supposed to live my amazing life with this iPhone not by my side? But how am I supposed to live at all being so attached? Why are we so attached? Why can’t we put it down? I mean I know we can – until it vibrates or makes the sound you’ve been waiting for or worse, dreading.

People aren’t living in the moment, they’re capturing it. How do you remain solely in today and not in tomorrow? Or the next moment? Or in the next upload to social media? How often are you about to do some pretty normal activity and somebody pulls out their phone and takes a pic of what you’re about to do?

Envision yourself in this oh-so-familiar scenario: So you’re at a bar with a good friend and you’ve had quite the week. Actually nothing in particular really happened that was that great to mention… but you’re tired? but you’re taking Jameson shots because you want to celebrate? Because you rule?! And why not? You’re excited to cheers your little chupito and slam it down and just as you lift your 1oz. shot glass….your bestie whips her phone out and captures your “cheers!” SO EPIC… Actually she got a really good picture (which you obviously had to review before it went anywhere public). But you & your friend did all of this before that shot of Jameson even reached your thirsty lips. What is wrong here? Great job capturing the moment bestie! Also great job completely avoiding living in a particular moment of starting the night off right with a shot.

It’s not all about taking shots, although I wish it would be some of the time (most of the time) always. How do you remove that desire? I’m trying to teach myself that I don’t have to capture every second. And if I do capture it, I don’t have to publish it.

“I’ve been trying this thing where instead of uploading things to social media that have the intention of making other people feel insecure, I’m trying to make others feel good. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. I want people to look at me and my pictures and say, “oooh I wanna be her friend!” Not like F that bitch I want her new bag.” – bestie shoutout.

Could not agree with this more though – we live in a world where sharing what you’re doing has become so standard, it’s depressing me. Like – I. cannot. wait… for you to go on your Caribbean vacation this week so that you can upload the following photos (in order):
1. Passport / Boarding Pass
2. Packing / or how bad you are at packing (me!)
3. Airport delay (OMG! NOOOO! Feel sad for me, I’m going to St. Maarten but first I have to sit in JFK for 3 hours! Bummer…)
4. Shot of clouds/sunset/view from your seat on JetBlue with a airplane wing in the bottom right hand corner.
5. Your hotel view. (GORGE!)
6. Your beach view/ your beach selfie #selfie #obvi #paradiseselfie #lovethis #beachlife
7. The amazing man/woman you’re in paradise with (I’m literally holding back vomit heaves right now)…
8. Delicious dinner you’re about to enjoy.
9. Jet skiing / other fun outdoor shit.
10. Last day in paradise! So sad. Sad face. 🙁 But why the fuck are u sad if you’re in paradise?
11. Back to NY where it’s cold an awful weather and you’re so miserable to come back to reality because your regular life is so boring and the best thing you will upload on Instagram this upcoming week is your gourmet lunch/ new shoes / #selfie / your really awesome dog. COOL – not.

I regress… People are pretending to be “living.” Get back to it and actually live people! And actually love! LOL.

I’ve tried an experiment with friends over dinner and it turned out to be quite entertaining… 6 of us went out for dinner at a local, eclectic restaurant. Trying to salvage conversation and bring everyone back down to earth, one person made an interesting statement or rule, if you will:  No phones the entire dinner. The fun part was that everybody had to place their phone face down in the middle of the dinner table. You can leave sound on or off, but you cannot view the screen. Nobody knows who’s texting you, or if you are even the one who is being texted or called. You cannot answer. You cannot touch the phones. You pay no attention to the phones, even though they’re all sitting right there directly in front of you. It’s an experiment. Because as soon as you hear that sound, you immediately want to reach. I started to get extremely antsy within the first few moments because obvi I was awaiting a text for my plans later with my fake boyfriend. The kicker to this game is that, the person who picks up their phone first, pays for the entire dinner. The guy who suggested the game ended up paying for the entire dinner anyway, but the point was that great conversation was available and it was uninterrupted and real and genuine. #NOFILTER

Try it sometime, highly recommended. Take a break, it helps. As I take my break, I find a really fantastic inspirational quote that I must crop and upload to Instagram and Twitter, immediately.

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I’ll even send it to Facebook (as if) because that has a bigger reach and I really just want everybody to know about my new found strength or actions toward wellness. (Cool, Ash…) I’m doing me! I’m doing really great! Look at me! Don’t you wish you were me?! I bet somebody will screenshot his and #repost it because it’s really such a great motivational quote!!! COOL! I hope the sarcasm shows through that string of a paragraph…

Now I bet some of you may be like, “Yeah I see this shit all the time but I don’t do this. I don’t have time for this. I live my life, not capture it. I’m good.” No you’re fucking not! You’re still fucking looking at it so this is completely applicable to you too! You don’t have to be full fledged in it – aka an incessant uploader (like myself) to be a part of it.

The trick is to let the fuck go. Like right now, I’m really trying to stop “stalking.” I know that sounds dramatic but it’s the fucking truth. And if you can’t admit that you stalk other people, whether it be your friends, your friends’ friends, exes, people you love and/or want to be with, celebrities, weird people, hysterical people, people who are so strange that you feel bad for them but continue to follow them for the pure enjoyment and entertainment factor & get your friends to follow them because c’mon it’s really worth it.

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And then it’s been 28 minutes and you’ve still not gotten that email done that you were working on because you were on Instagram while at work. “Damn. That girl is ugly anyways. Ugh yeah – I don’t like her friend either. She looks like a slut and that comment is totally about me. What is that shirt? He wore that same goddamn shirt on his birthday last year!! What does he only have one fucking shirt?! I’m disgusted. She should definitely be wearing black.” GET OFF INSTAGRAM, Ashley! Get the fuck off. You’re actually a lot cooler then that and you know it. You have courage. You have confidence. You are better than the Gap!

Why do I even want anybody to see anything about my life? I used to be a very private person. Until it was cool to let it all hang out. Sharing my thoughts made me feel good about myself because it meant somebody was reading them, whether they cared or not. And if people “like” them or “retweet” them that means I’ve been accepted and I’m really feeling great about myself because I’m relatable. Thank god I’ve created for myself the exact thing that I have tried to avoid for my entire being. The act of being relatable. I have lived my entire existence being a little weird, or outside the box, quirky, random, a little different from what you were expecting. Because I fucking like that shit. I like to keep people guessing and I like to do exactly what you aren’t expecting. You think I’m going to do some very predictable outrageous motion, and instead I do something really fucking normal with an obscure twist to mind fuck you even worse. Sorry. Welcome. AKA let me upload the ugliest selfie I can possibly find because I think that its a little more funny than a typical boring girl selfie. I don’t feel like giving a better example because you’re not going to get it anyway.

On that note, it’s almost 4:00 PM and I haven’t checked my Instagram since my daily read (this morning). I’ll try to hold off for my nightly read (before bed). Live in today guys.