Decoding The Lies!

Decoding the language of modern relationships.

Here ya go guys, I’m here to give you the “literal meanings” behind what people are saying to you. They’re reasons and excuses – excuses often times get a bad rep. This is because excuses are merely lies. There are things that betches say to cover up our true feelings or “the real reasons.”

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For example:

“I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

Real meaning: I just don’t want to be in a relationship with YOU. If somebody else comes along that I really like or that I can get away with more shit with, then I’m definitely going to date them, OK? I’m just trying not to make you feel bad. But in the meantime, I’ll still hang out with you, string you along and continue to have sex with you because it’s easy and convenient.

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“We didn’t work out because of bad timing.”

Real meaning: He had a girlfriend. Or a wife.

“I want to get over him but we have a REALLY strong connection.”

Real meaning: He’s good in bed. I hate his guts, he’s partially retarded, but it’s worth it to keep him around for a little while longer because I’m not over having sex with him yet.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Real meaning: I hardly even want to be your friend because I can’t even stand you. There’s no way in hell I want to be your girlfriend. I also don’t want to totally remove you from my life because I may need you to do something for me at some point in the future.

“Sorry – I’ve been really busy.”

This just gives the impression that you’re so busy (you know, busier than a world leader busy) and that you haven’t had the time to contact or see them. Real meaning: “I’m not interested / I’m halfway in it / I’ve been trying to get back with my ex.” And you’re really hoping that he just ends it for you so you don’t have to “hurt feelings.”

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The Admitting Cheater

“I need to get this off my chest – something happened last weekend. I hooked up with your friend, ______. We were drunk and it didn’t mean anything, but I just wanted you to know.”

What a piece of shit. So much so that you’re such an asshole that you’re going to run to your current girlfriend/boyfriend and admit to them that you just slept with that slut? or their best friend? or whoever the random person was. Because YOU can’t deal with it yourself. You want to bring the person who you’ve already hurt MORE INTO IT?! That’s real fucking nice. You cheated. You can’t cope with your problems. So – to make YOURSELF feel better, you’re going to tell your significant other that you cheated on them. That’s fucking smart, you silly idiot. So now you can make them feel way worse. You can feel so much better because you really needed to get that off your chest, and they’re going to have feelings of invalidity and doubt and haste because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. Great fucking idea – tell the world why don’t ya? Dipshit.

Real meaning: I’m the biggest idiot alive and never talk to me again because I have no backbone and a small penis, OBVIOUSLY.

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Apology Accepting

“I’m so sorry. I’ll never do it again. I know I said that last time, but I’m really serious and I really love you and you’ve got to trust me.” 

Real meaning: “Look, can you hurry the fuck up and accept my apology so I can stop feeling bad about it? You perceiving me as wronging/hurting/abusing/whatever you think is really inconvenient and my ego does NOT like this reality. So if you don’t mind, get over the fucked up shit I did to you, accept my apology and let’s move on so I can get my sex life & perfect image back.” I basically want to get back to doing exactly what I always do. Also, be sure to reduce your expectations of a relationship with me immediately.

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Behind every excuse is the real reason.

“You’ll know you’re in a healthy relationship when you don’t have to listen to excuses or make excuses. Instead of accepting excuses, start accepting the reasons.”

Singles Discrimination

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there yo. I don’t even know what that means but what I do know is that I’m annoyed. Because I’m discriminated against. It’s because I’M SINGLE.

I’m saying that I’m discriminated against….. because I’m single! Yes I said it twice because I don’t fucking understand this and I’m trying to figure it out. How messed up is that? Are you discriminating against me because you’re jealous of me? Ummmm…I guess I know. But like, really? It’s happened to me multiple times lately and I’m over it.

I can’t take the fact that I’m not taken seriously because I don’t have a significant other. Are you kidding me? Sorry I don’t need a man to make me whole. Maybe I do, but I just don’t have one at the current moment. So, sorry not sorry? It annoys me when I don’t get invited to do things because they’re known as “couples” things and the groups felt bad inviting me because I would feel out of place? Since when do you think I would feel out of place around anybody? #awkward

Why are we judged based on who we’re with? Like you’re not going to invite me to your wedding with a date because I don’t have a serious enough boyfriend for you? OK COOL, THANKS! So besides the true fact that I don’t have a serious boyfriend – you’re going to rub it into my face and make me show up somewhere (to your wedding) with not only not having a boyfriend and being surrounded with people who do have significant others and your new husband or wife, but that I don’t even have a shitty date by my side. That’s a real feel good moment for the singles. Ugh – annoying.

It’s also assumed that because I don’t have a serious enough boyfriend that I’m always down to party or that I’m constantly searching for a new boyfriend. So I do like to party but I don’t always like to party. I don’t search for boyfriends, but I’m always game for meeting new & interesting people. So let me ask you a question: CAN I LIVE?!

Why is it that I’m shunned from certain groups of people because they do things as “couples?” F that. When I do find my new boyfriend  (remain single for the rest of my life) I’ll call all of you guys up and invite you to do really amazing couples things with me. NOT.

I’m bitter, huh?

Ok, back to loving me. xo

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Street Art in Paris <3

GIRLS

Being a female and having interaction with other females is beyond fascinating to me. Are we always in competition with one another? Are we always looking for a friend? Are we always looking to protect ourselves? Should we be? Women hold their relationships with males and females much differently. Especially when asking for advice. I’m a firm believer in asking for advice when I’m dealing with indecision – honestly, if you’re reading this blog post I’ve probably asked you for advice before. Maybe you’ve asked me for my advice or my opinion. Maybe you didn’t, but I gave it to you anyway. Sorry in advance for when I give you advice or an opinion that you may not want to hear. Anyway, it’s human nature to care about what others think and maybe better yourself from at least their thoughts on previous experiences.

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One thing that truly sometimes interests me – (this is really fucking boring because it’s always the same story) is how females confide in other females. Girls spend hours trying to help give advice to our friends when they are going trough a hard time with their boyfriend/fiancée/husband/random guy that they’re talking to. I’ve found that females will hardly EVER take the advice that other females give to them. I have countless examples in my everyday life & I’m sure you do too. Girls are fucking annoying. I sit and think to myself, “Why the fuck did I stress out about this issue you’re dealing with…FOR YOU when you ended up doing the complete opposite of what I suggested?” This is a constant. Relationships aren’t constant but advice/talking about the relationship/having to listen to the relationship is beyond constant.

As girl friends, we should really just be there to listen –  and then let them be. I’m a firm believer that at the end of the day and in the end of the decision making, the chick will always do what THEY want. DUH! Aren’t you always going to do what you want… Eventually, at least?

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Instead we should just provide wine, and actively listen. Listen – after it’s been the 17th time you’ve heard this great and exciting story? I know. You don’t want to – I don’t either. I didn’t enjoy telling it that many times either and neither did your bestie – unless, she’s that type and loves to talk about herself. Which, I’m sorry! And, instead of offering up our great advice, wait it out. And then, don’t judge their dumb ass decision after they make it.

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Because it’s never what you suggested. Just know this. And be okay with this.

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Reese, this is the worst thing you’ve ever said. Sorry, dolly.

Women on the other hand, will  ALWAYS take advice on how to handle girl fights.  Never their guy fights. Maybe “fight” is a harsh word—disagreements, questions, unsure moments, drunk arguments?

Example : Here’s a scenario that is potentially happening with a best friend. I have suspicions and then confirm to have found out your boyfriend has been cheating on you. SHOCKING! (to nobody). You’re pissed obviously, so you decide to do something about it. You can do as I would do – punch him in the fucking face, I mean…talk to him about it politely. JK. What I would really do is think of some conniving way to bring it up in front of him so that he knows that you know, without actually discussing it. At least make this bro shit his pants for a few days.  To the girl you’re going to think about it and think about it. It will go something like this. “Here is my advice that I prepared to give you for the past 2 nights so that I don’t offend you. I’m obviously really trying to help.” My advice : BREAK UP!  She’s devastated. She cries to you. She’s never been this miserable in her entire life.

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What she does? Stays with him!!! WHAT? WHY? Because, as always – this girl did what she wanted, whether it was right or wrong. She “talked to” this guy, they’re working on things, he’s so so sorry and it will never happen again. Until it does, OBVIOUSLY!

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But whatever – It’s done and it’s not your decision. It’s worthless to give your opinion about a man. Especially, never give an opinion to your best friend about her man that’s negative — because when she continues to stay with this guy, you’re going to have countless awkward encounters and now she knows how you really feel about the loser prick that she LOVES. I’ve come to a crossroads because at this point I’m like wtf. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and not lose sleep over it and move on. In the end, girls will 100% block out what they don’t want to hear about their man. It’s basically a proven theorem and if you don’t believe me,  you’re an idiot and probably have the exact man in your life that I’m talking about.

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However this is exceptionally different with chicks … You can give advice to your best friend about another friend like “write her a letter and buy her some wine” (basically beg for forgiveness for being a psycho betch) or “bitch her out and tell her how you really feel” (because she deserves it and if you don’t, I will). And it totally happens … Your girlfriend will take your advice much more often on this subject. They’re going to appreciate what you had to say, whether it was insightful or not and probably talk to the girl, or ignore the girl. Because we’re girls, and we KNOW how it is to be a girl. Like, WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense! But it happens. ALL THE TIME.

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I’ve started asking men for their advice regarding relationships. It still sucks, but at the very least, it’s honest. It’s not going to be what you want to hear – because it’s coming from a caveman, likely. But men are typically much more clear-minded with relationships. It’s either working or it’s not. It’s either going somewhere or not and if it’s in the in between phase, it’s going to be “worth it” to work on it, or its just not worth it.

Don’t show up to the fake shit. Leave it behind. It’s not going anywhere – you are.

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The choice is yours betch, do as you please. But remember that nice betches finish last in the game of advice & love. Speak your mind or keep it silent. XO

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Leather Baseball Cap

I know you’ve all heard the saying – you find something as soon as you stop looking for it.

Usually this is in reference to love – which is still sort of relevant – but also bogus. Of course the reason why I’m using that phase is not in reference to love, but in reference to something that I do love – fashion. Or something like that.

I have an obsessive compulsive personality where, once I have something in my head, I do not stop until I find it, get it, have it, possess it. It’s almost sick but I’ve gotten it under control. A few months back I found a photo of a drop dead gorgeous girl <–(dramatic) probably on Tumblr with a leather baseball cap. In that very moment – I died.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kidding, I’m still here. I came back to life since I’m overly obsessed with baseball cap styles & flat brim’s more specifically. WHERE could I find this hat? I didn’t want to spend $465 on this Gucci one, being that it’s not for everyday use & that it’s RIDICULOUSLY expensive for a fucking baseball hat. I also didn’t want something from a flea market that cost $2.99 and would fall apart after 2-3 wears (or look cheap, AH!). Whatever – totally forgot about the hat. Became obsessed with probably a million other things since then and never thought about said hat and no hopes of thinking of it ever again. (Similar to relationships).

LF Stores Sale is happening right now. My interest obsession with LF Stores started a few years back when one of my college roomies, Kaitlin began working for their store in Boston, MA. I had been to the Southampton, NY location a few times and would basically swoon over their casual, hippie-esque, vintage style. After following a few of the super-trendy & beautiful LF Southampton girls on Instagram, I would always go in and try on new styles to find ways to work them into my pretty standard work wardrobe. ie. How to make a vintage tshirt or a polka dot crop top, or a black backless top “work appropriate?” Answer: they’re really not. But somehow I managed to.

Weird tangent again, sorry. INSERT BLACK LEATHER BASEBALL CAP! Found this hat on sale at LF for like $27.80! Stopped looking for it & it fell right into my lap at an amazing price point. Done & done.

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*driving in car selfies*
**actually – parked in car selfies**

Chic leather cap. Came back into my life when I wasn’t looking for it! I hope something that you’ve once coveted and have completely forgotten about comes into your life today. And then you OWN IT. Happy finding, whatever it may be! xx

Relationships 101 – A Guide from Yours Truly

So I’m going through this really great revelation where I’m “finding myself” again. It’s fun. Also terrifying and annoying, sometimes weird. But it’s exciting. Final goal = happiness. 

Relationships have NEVER been my forte but I’m a fucking PRO at them by now. 

A PRO bestie. A PRO girlfriend. A PRO at setting standards. A PRO at setting the worst standards known to the human race (maybe not but you get it.) A PRO control freak. A PRO easy going girl. A PRO at falling in love. A PRO at getting him to fall in love with you accidentally. A PRO manipulator. PRO committer, PRO non-committer, PRO what the fuck is this? PRO shit talker. PRO cryer. PRO at getting the fuck over it.

Many people state that females have it so much easier then men do with regards to dating. Yes – and no. The way I see it…

I’ve dated a lot of DIFFERENT people. My friends have referred to me as a serial dater. You know the type –  a person who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount of people in a short span of time. I’ve been that. I’ve also been a serious girlfriend, during several of those time spans lasting over a year sometimes over 2 years. I’ve broken many hearts – I’ve finally experienced having my heart broken against my own will. I’ve broken hearts that have broken my heart to break. I’ve also been in relationships that I’ve been walked all over, given everything to a taker and just cried over it.  I’ve been in “non-relationships” – aka the “What is this?” “What are we?” “Where is this going?” “Nobody knows what’s going on?” “Not being on the same page.” I’ve been in the long-distance. I’ve been in the “age is the difference,” both as the younger & as the elder. I’ve been in the you’re too dumb for me. I’ve been in the you’re too nerdy for me. I’ve been in the you’re so much of a psycho that you still emotionally and physically stalk myself and every female I’ve ever known even though we haven’t dated in 4 years or talked in several and I’m utterly disgusted by you. I’ve gone back. I’ve done the opposite and stayed strong. It’s an interesting thing there – living your 20’s in the 2010’s + and being in relationships or non-relationships. 

You need to make sure to set the standard from the very beginning. This is where I ALWAYS go wrong. Without fail. You need to make sure that they know that they’re never in control. You stay in control. Always. You keep a mutual balance of control though – so it remains fair and even and NORMAL. In the beginning I always come off as that really cool girl that everybody wants to be around and hang out with and yadda yadda because I’m so down to earth, so normal and so much fun. He’s definitely going to want to hang out with me because well – why not? THIS IS THE PROBLEM. From the very beginning it’s all easy – it’s fun and he’s not working for anything more than getting me to hang out with him. That is, if I’m not already busy, or not working. I’ve let them have control. I let them be in control enough to gain enough power over me to fuck me over. And let me get affected.  And ultimately make me hate them. Cue the vicious cycle of never having a man that wants to commit because I have never forced them to think that commitment was a big deal for me. Because in the beginning, of course, I did not care either. Relationship dead. He’s having it all – I’m left with my negative attitude toward men and the fact that I’m always constantly setting them up for failure. 

It’s my fault. But I’ve accepted this fault. Because I’m extremely aware of it. It’s not necessarily a fault – it’s a thing that I do. It’s how I’ve remained to stay single & independent thus far. This is everything I did – and with no sight of a serious in the future. I work too much. I party too much. I don’t party enough? FALSE. I’m a bitch. I’m too nice. (also false). I am too far into myself and my goals and my drive and desires. Dare I care too much about what a man thinks or wants? Maybe – I’ve done that too – no benefit. 

I know far too many beautiful, driven, successful, smart, caring, diva, fantastic women who are truly upset and/or devastated because they don’t have “the one.” RUDE AWAKENING: YOU ARE YOUR OWN ONE!!!!! You don’t need that other person. Sometimes you do – sometimes it’s not that guy though – it’s your best friend, your parent, your sibling, your co-worker, your partner in crime. You’ll get it.

Relationships are the most difficult thing to be a part of. Because you only have power over yourself. And nobody else. You cannot control the way the other party in the relationship feels or behaves or reacts. Like if they suck – #suckstosuck. You can’t control that. You just have to move on. If they love you – and you don’t love them back. That also sucks – BUT at least you have control over it so that you can get out. Cue break up. Cue you feeling bad for a few days then you’re on to the next one. Or you’re back to being alone. Or when you’re the one who’s in love. And the other person doesn’t love you. That’s rough. You cannot make them change, no matter what you do – no matter what backwards, reverse psychology, weird online program that you bought for $59.00 to find out ways to “make it work” – (YUP!). They do not change. You change though, which makes the $59.00 worth it in the long run. Even though it took you 11 months to figure that one out. You’ll figure it out eventually. I did. I still do. 

I’m also a huge believer in the phrase, “Social media killed the break up.” Also – “SOCIAL MEDIA KILLED ERRRRRYTHING.” If you know me, you know that I’m obsessed with social media – basically too obsessed it’s an unhealthy addiction that I fight with every day. Addiction runs in my family – good thing mine is with Instagram, Twitter & (can I say) Facebook?! Die. Also Prada, Louis, Chanel, Louboutin, Vince, & JCrew. Oh, and black. Could be worse? 😉

But social media has made it virtually impossible for a person to walk out of somebody else’s life without having a constant reminder – or at the least, a small random reminder every once in awhile. Just go away, would ya?! Scenarios as follows: crazy ex bf stalks you via text message, you block his # on Verizon. He proceeds to stalk you via Facebook, block that shit. He begins to stalk/bother/harass your best friends asking about you. Nobody responds because PLEASE DON’T! Then he begins to stalk/bother/harass further distant friends that you haven’t spoken to in years – gets weirder – but it’s not your problem because again, you haven’t seen or heard from him in years and he’s like 7 boyfriends ago, sorry for that awkward miscommunication – you should just block him too. BYE. 

It also sucks when you’re hiding out – like SHIT – my friend just uploaded a pic of me while I was having so much fun and drunk at a bar or doing some really uber cool activity. “Don’t post any pics until tomorrow – do it as a #TBT because I don’t’ want anybody to know where I am right now. I told my boss I left early because I wasn’t feeling well. I don’t want my boyfriend to know that I’m having fun because I wanted to hang out with him earlier – even though I already had plans with you guys. But I wanted him to feel bad about having other plans with his friends and that he cancelled on me. I know it’s fucked up but just do it anyway because I’m your best friend and you love me?” RUN ON SENTENCES FOR DAYZZZ! #mylife 

Thirdly, it sucks when you’re getting OVER IT. Just when you don’t care enough to stop giving a fuck, stop looking on his Facebook to see if some new slut commented on it, stop checking Instagram to see if he uploaded a new “cool picture.” You’re feeling pretty great about yourself because you’re basically over it. Or you keep telling yourself that you are – He does some FUCKED UP THING to get you thinking about him again. Like sending the worst thing in the world via text message, “hey.” 

 

ex bf: hey

me: (slowly dies) – screenshots and sends to 27 friends begging for advice how to answer this absurd text which is never followed up by ANYTHING. then says nothing. or finally responds with “hey”

 

HEY?! WTF. HEY?! Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t text me “hey” —-  how the fuck am I supposed to respond to that hey? What’s up you fucking loser? Haven’t spoken in a few weeks – I’m trying my hardest to get the fuck over you but thanks for the fucking reminder that you still exist? COOL! What’s up bro? I’m GREAT! Great I’m doing fucking great over here. I would ask how are you or what’s up to you BUT I DON’T CARE! I’ve been practicing not caring for the past few weeks and I’ve been miserable doing it and it’s been really fucking great.  THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY WITH THAT “hey”.

Dumbass. 

Back to wearing black. Minding my own business and staying out of anybody & everybody’s life besides my friends who I become fucking obsessed with because obvi. 

Next up – meeting a guy who’s never going to be good enough for my fucked up standards that society has trained me to think are “normal,” leading him on enough to make him fall in love with me within a few weeks because I’m setting the wrong standards out from the get go, ending with the vicious cycle of the end all break up because I don’t know what else to do and this doesn’t feel right because something is wrong and I don’t know what to do again. Cool. 

Focusing on the things that keep me happy is what is the most important thing. After this long rant about relationships – I’m going to say that they aren’t something that makes me happy, right now. Maybe at one time a relationship did. Maybe at one time again, a relationship will make me feel happy. Final goal is happiness. Right now – that goal is completely attainable. It is forever attainable. It is only forever attainable if you don’t lose sight of what your goal is. You’re never at your goal. You’ve never quite reached it – there’s always room for improvement. If you think you’ve reached your goal, you’re just content. Which is fantastic. But you can ever change and ever grow. You can improve yourself. You can encourage others to improve themselves. You can do better. With that being said, you have a choice. 

1. Either you take it in and do better next time. 

OR

2. You do it better right now. Today. 

Keep changing. Keep living. Keep trying. Keep succeeding. Keep loving.

Hope my rant about relationships / my therapeutic release has either given you some sort of advice or has at least made you laugh through my shit talking and not-so-subtle undertones. More to follow – a lot more where this came from. Bottom line – DO YOU.

As I said – I’m a fucking PRO at relationships. Doing well and doing awful. Questions? Ask about me. Or ask your friend about me – they may have “talked to me” for awhile. Or at least know somebody who did. 😉 Hope this post doesn’t come off slutty – and if it does….